Author Topic: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.  (Read 8782 times)

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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2015, 12:04:01 AM »

Offline crimson_stallion

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While us men tend to have pretty simple minds, women can be complex creatures - it's part of their charm!

In a situation like this, guy tend to think of the first (and most obvious) thing that comes to mind - that shes not interested in your anymore.  While that would make sense given the signs, it may be something else entirely.

There could be any manner of reasons for her being this way:

1) Maybe she is losing interest / has another man

2) Maybe she has something going on in her personal life that she's not comfortable telling you about (e.g family business, health issues, etc).

3) Maybe you did something to upset / anger her, and you just didn't realise it.  Women have a tendency to say nothing when you do something to annoy them - many don't like confrontation so they just go quiet, get distant, pull away.  The problem may not be her - it may be you.

4) Maybe she is legitimately more busy than you realise.  Most people have general day to day things they go through they they don't talk about simply because it doesn't seem that exciting or relevant. 

5) Maybe she is stressed about school, and she's trying to avoid distractions and focus 100% on the task at hand

Truth is that people in general are complex, and jumping to conclusions without digging deeper is dangerous business. You might find out she has another issue that isn't related to you at all, that is really upsetting her / bothering her...and if you start making assumption and throwing accusations it might just set her off and push her away.

My advice is to have that conversation, and try your best to be as open and understanding as possible - hear what she has to say.  If she keeps avoiding the conversation, then explain to her that the reason you want to talk about it is because the relationship is meaningful to you, and you don't want to see it die.  That might be enough to trigger something in her head and help her understand the extent of your concern. 

If she seems disinterested and seems to not care, or she avoids the subject, then be willing to walk away.  You've done your part - you've been a man, taken action and tried to do what you can to fix it.  If she isn't interested in doing that, then no point in wasting your time. 

Of course that's purely my opinion (and how I would handle it) thought!
« Last Edit: October 23, 2015, 01:32:11 AM by crimson_stallion »

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2015, 12:19:17 AM »

Offline fandrew

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Maybe she's pregnant... With your kid...
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2015, 12:22:47 AM »

Offline Csfan1984

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I'd just pretend I don't have a girlfriend without misbehaving. Seems to get their attention real quick.

What I mean is dont pay her no attention but still be courteous. Like text good morning and good night. But that is it unless she hits you up and starts to conversate. Reply politely but be distant and low on details. Make plans without her but fill her in like she has no choice in the matter on what you do with your time. See what happens in 2 weeks.

If she starts showing added attention text you more or demanding time even if a little she probably has been just busy. But if she is even more distant than just find another chick because she ain't into you no more.

Oh and last one is a big one. Sometimes pregnant women avoid a soon would be father of their child to make abortion a non-option due to development rather than come out and tell them. JS
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #18 on: October 23, 2015, 12:35:53 AM »

Offline blink

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I have to say I think the best advice that you received was the 'communicate' response.  If you do want the relationship to continue, I would say try talking it out with her. 

In the end though, if she isn't interested anymore, you might not get the chance or any closure.  Actions speak louder than words.  If she doesn't make time (within a week or two) to talk about it, I would say that is a response too.  If a girl is into you, she will make time.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #19 on: October 23, 2015, 12:49:00 AM »

Offline KG Living Legend

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 Soundslike something is fishy. Tell her your thinking about seeing other people, see if she takes the bait and agrees which means there is another guy. Or Ignore her and start getting other girls numbers and increase your portfolio.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #20 on: October 23, 2015, 02:24:18 AM »

Offline crimson_stallion

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I'd just pretend I don't have a girlfriend without misbehaving. Seems to get their attention real quick.

This!

I have to say, it seems to work for me almost every time.  Girls don't like being ignored when they are giving you the cold shoulder.  Convinces them that maybe you really don't care, which drives them crazy.  Tends to work on even the most strong willed of women. 

In fact it's so effective that it almost feels like cheating - like playing a video game with god mode on.

As guys we tend to be simpler creatures - we just want to be straight up and say it as it is.  No mind games, no bs.  Doesn't always work with women though, and sometimes you need to resort to the undesirable approach of playing them at their own game.  Not because you want to, just because nothing else gets through. 

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #21 on: October 23, 2015, 02:34:23 AM »

Offline crimson_stallion

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 Soundslike something is fishy. Tell her your thinking about seeing other people, see if she takes the bait and agrees which means there is another guy. Or Ignore her and start getting other girls numbers and increase your portfolio.

This can work, but you have to be careful - it can backfire in a massive way. 

When you are trying to say "the way you're acting is giving me second thoughts about the relationship" might be interpreted by her as "I am bored of you and want to get with other girls". 

Once a girl hears what she wants to hear, they tend to get irrational - you will never be able to use rational communication to convince them that this is not what you meant.  Her mind is set, and those words of 'intent' are locked in her memory forever.

If she is loyal to you and has legit reasons for bring the way she is (e.g. you did something to pus her off, or something else in her life is upsetting her) then one sentence like that could be enough to cause the entire relationship to self-destruct. 

If you do really care about her, then I wouldn't suggest taking that gamble.  If you don't care about her all that much and you feel she is more or less 'disposable' then you probably wouldn't be here asking this question right now - you'd probably have just walked away. 

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #22 on: October 23, 2015, 02:58:13 AM »

Offline tarheelsxxiii

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It's fine to subtly make overtures that you're sought after, a catch, etc.. but you don't want to play games. If you play games, you're setting a precedent for yourself and your entire relationship that that's okay... that's how we operate, it's business as usual.

If you don't want a "gamey" relationship long-term, then you don't want to set that precedent. This may/may not be relevant here, but when you experience several relationships and start to determine what you want/what works for you, you're going to want to model what you need in a significant other.
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #23 on: October 23, 2015, 03:37:53 AM »

Offline chambers

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Yeah she's got another dude somewhere but doesn't know how to tell you.

Just ask her if you two can 'talk'. Or even send her a text asking if she'd prefer you guys have some space? And that you understand if that's the case.

Time to gallop the fields young stallion. You've been set free.

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Read that last line again. One more time.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #24 on: October 23, 2015, 06:17:54 AM »

Offline clover

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I'm a student and I can attest to how busy it gets, I haven't had a proper day off in 2 months or so. Especially around this time when we are overloaded with midterms and the such. She probably really is really busy, especially paired with a job

I work 45 hours. Attend 14 credit classes which is considered full time, and love sleep more than I love money. But I would be willing to make at least one day free or available for her. If I was too busy for a relationship, then I would never get in one personally. I just think its rude, because unless you guys have established a rapport strong enough over a year, then its okay to be too busy, but for some people it gives off the feeling, 'is she not interested anymore? Cheating on me? Or is she exploring her options while being with me momentarily?'

Maybe its just me, I don't know. I mean I'm empathetic, because school does get busy considering what type of level classes she's taking, but I still feel you should be able to make at least one day to chat and talk. But I mean I'm going to meet up with her hopefully by next week to see what's up.

I was actually very close to texting her, that maybe taking a break would be the best for both of us a few hours ago, but I decided to make a thread about this. I appreciated the cold hard truths you guys gave me in my old girl problem thread.

You guys are amazing. Thanks for your help.

Can you afford a private investigator?

Depends on how expensive they are lol.

Two or three months isn't a very long time at all, and I take it you're both young. But working and taking demanding classes shouldn't necessarily leave a day free to just kick around every week. And pressure to deliver on that could be pretty unpleasant. Far better IMO if you and she had got into a pattern of spending time together and supporting each other in a way that it was natural just to spend some evenings studying together. You should be a help, not a hindrance, to her balancing of school and work.

If you're suspecting another love interest and want to walk her to class holding hands, especially when she might be feeling some ambivalence, that would probably be felt and perceived as very territorial and possessive and not very pleasant.

I guess I'm with the others. Better to go focus on your life and leave her alone. If she's interested, she'll come back to you.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #25 on: October 23, 2015, 08:47:31 AM »

Offline KeepRondo

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I wouldn't over react to her not wanting to hold hands. If she did hold hands with you before, it may had been because she didn't want to do anything to make herself look bad to you, but she may not like holding hands in public.

I say just don't think too much into it and let things play out. Ask her in 3-4 days to go out for dinner or lunch.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #26 on: October 23, 2015, 08:54:13 AM »

Offline slamtheking

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best advice so far was to communicate but totally sounds like you're not even getting that opportunity. 

based on what you've mentioned, it does sound like she's not as into the relationship (is it really a relationship after just 2-3 months which includes weeks of little to no time together?) as you are.  it happens and it doesn't usually improve for the person who's into the relationship (based on my experience and observations). 

if she's unwilling to get together to talk briefly about what's going on, chances are slim you'll ever get that chance.  if you can't get some time together in the next week or two, your relationship is likely toast  unfortunately. 

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #27 on: October 23, 2015, 09:30:20 AM »

Offline TheTruthFot18

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I was her first, taken her virginity

I would think this would be a hook, line, and sinker in this situation. You got burned, move on.

2-3 months is not that long so don't get worked up. Any guy or girl who takes this approach to dealing wit any relationship is not worth your time and needs to grow up.
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #28 on: October 23, 2015, 11:16:40 AM »

Offline Pucaccia

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Very simple and it works like magic.

Tell her to call you the next time you want to get together and then leave it alone.  Make sure you don't contact her after that. See if she contacts you.
You don't have to break it off. If she contacts you then you can do 1 of 2 things, 1.go out or 2.the best thing is tell her your busy but you can get with her at a time of your choosing. (You set the agenda)

But make sure you go on with your business with high self esteem. Don't coddle, don't whine, just go about your business as a confident man.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #29 on: October 23, 2015, 11:20:30 AM »

Offline KeepRondo

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Very simple and it works like magic.

Tell her to call you the next time you want to get together and then leave it alone.  Make sure you don't contact her after that. See if she contacts you.
You don't have to break it off. If she contacts you then you can do 1 of 2 things, 1.go out or 2.the best thing is tell her your busy but you can get with her at a time of your choosing. (You set the agenda)

But make sure you go on with your business with high self esteem. Don't coddle, don't whine, just go about your business as a confident man.
Simple is almost always the best thing. I don't agree with this whole post, but I do like the idea of telling her to call you the next time she's free to go out for a drink or something.

At that point leave it alone. It's up to her to make the decision.

 

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