Author Topic: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.  (Read 8885 times)

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Offline Monkhouse

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I'm contemplating breaking it off with this girl.

We've been dating or were once co-workers about 3 months ago. So we've been going out around 2 months now, and the past 3 weeks, she's been really busy.

As in we rarely text to each other, (I don't even text her that much though,) and communication between the two has been very slim to none. I was her first, taken her virginity, and she was very into me. With the school semester starting, and me knowing her work schedule, I have no idea how she has been so busy for the past 3 weeks.

I'll text her and ask when shes available or free this week, and she'll say, 'pretty busy this week.'

This has been going on for 3 weeks, and I haven't seen her since. I finally did see her yesterday, and she had to go to class so I volunteered to walk her to her clas, and I was going to ask what's been going on, but instead asked if we're all right. She said yes, but she seemed like she wasn't comfortable with me, (like refusing to hold hands,) and not saying much during the walk to her class.

What do you guys think? Do you think shes cheating on me? Falling out of feelings for me? Or genuinely busy?

We were supposed to meet up today to talk and chat about what's been going on, but she didn't text or respond today. Surprise.
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Offline BitterJim

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If the relationship is gonna have any chance, you guys have to be able to communicate.  Tell her that you guys need to talk (IN PERSON) and then tell her how you feel directly.  Don't be accusatory, say things like "I feel like we haven't been close lately" (Say how YOU feel, and, again, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY).

Communication is key.  You can ask other people's opinions all you want, but she's the one that knows for sure.  Let her know that it's important that you guys talk, and I'm sure she'll make time.
I'm bitter.

Offline fairweatherfan

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I'm not gonna speculate on whether she's seeing somebody else, but yeah those are very strong signals that something's up.  Relationships making people as crazy as they do, it's possible she doesn't even consciously realize she's sending them, either.  But I'd recommend talking it over instead of just breaking it off right away - it's always better to try and get everything on the table before making a big decision like that.

Offline bello_man09

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dude cut her off, I know its hard don't call or text just act like she doesn't exist. she will contact you and explain why she wasn't communicating properly. 

Offline Monkhouse

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If the relationship is gonna have any chance, you guys have to be able to communicate.  Tell her that you guys need to talk (IN PERSON) and then tell her how you feel directly.  Don't be accusatory, say things like "I feel like we haven't been close lately" (Say how YOU feel, and, again, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY).

Communication is key.  You can ask other people's opinions all you want, but she's the one that knows for sure.  Let her know that it's important that you guys talk, and I'm sure she'll make time.

You're right.

I'm not gonna speculate on whether she's seeing somebody else, but yeah those are very strong signals that something's up.  Relationships making people as crazy as they do, it's possible she doesn't even consciously realize she's sending them, either.  But I'd recommend talking it over instead of just breaking it off right away - it's always better to try and get everything on the table before making a big decision like that.

She isn't exactly the best person at relationships. She'll say a lot things during our time together, and I'll just be like, 'what... who does this.' She's not experienced with relationships which is my assumption.
dude cut her off, I know its hard don't call or text just act like she doesn't exist. she will contact you and explain why she wasn't communicating properly. 

If I'm going to cut her off, I'm just going to break it off so I don't have to deal with this B.S. I don't have time to play high school games brother.
"I bomb atomically, Socrates' philosophies and hypotheses
Can't define how I be dropping these mockeries."

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
It's based on your perspective, quite simply
We're the same and we're not; know what I'm saying? Listen
Son, I ain't better than you, I just think different

Offline trickybilly

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Can you afford a private investigator?
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Offline Denis998

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I'm a student and I can attest to how busy it gets, I haven't had a proper day off in 2 months or so. Especially around this time when we are overloaded with midterms and the such. She probably really is really busy, especially paired with a job

Offline Monkhouse

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I'm a student and I can attest to how busy it gets, I haven't had a proper day off in 2 months or so. Especially around this time when we are overloaded with midterms and the such. She probably really is really busy, especially paired with a job

I work 45 hours. Attend 14 credit classes which is considered full time, and love sleep more than I love money. But I would be willing to make at least one day free or available for her. If I was too busy for a relationship, then I would never get in one personally. I just think its rude, because unless you guys have established a rapport strong enough over a year, then its okay to be too busy, but for some people it gives off the feeling, 'is she not interested anymore? Cheating on me? Or is she exploring her options while being with me momentarily?'

Maybe its just me, I don't know. I mean I'm empathetic, because school does get busy considering what type of level classes she's taking, but I still feel you should be able to make at least one day to chat and talk. But I mean I'm going to meet up with her hopefully by next week to see what's up.

I was actually very close to texting her, that maybe taking a break would be the best for both of us a few hours ago, but I decided to make a thread about this. I appreciated the cold hard truths you guys gave me in my old girl problem thread.

You guys are amazing. Thanks for your help.

Can you afford a private investigator?

Depends on how expensive they are lol.
"I bomb atomically, Socrates' philosophies and hypotheses
Can't define how I be dropping these mockeries."

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
It's based on your perspective, quite simply
We're the same and we're not; know what I'm saying? Listen
Son, I ain't better than you, I just think different

Offline JSD

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Always trust your gut, it never lies. She's interested in someone else. Go no contact then move on.

Offline saltlover

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Sorry, but I think she's moved on and doesn't know how to tell you.

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2015, 09:56:47 PM »

Online hwangjini_1

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walk away. sounds as if it is over, which is quite common.

if she really wants to be with you she will contact you. if she doesn't then you know it's over.

move on, live your life's next chapter.
I believe Gandhi is the only person who knew about real democracy not democracy as the right to go and buy what you want, but democracy as the responsibility to be accountable to everyone around you. Democracy begins with freedom from hunger, freedom from unemployment, freedom from fear, and freedom from hatred.
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2015, 10:03:23 PM »

Offline SHAQATTACK

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Always keep an extra babe for backup......in case these situations happen :)

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2015, 10:04:19 PM »

Offline ImShakHeIsShaq

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If the relationship is gonna have any chance, you guys have to be able to communicate.  Tell her that you guys need to talk (IN PERSON) and then tell her how you feel directly.  Don't be accusatory, say things like "I feel like we haven't been close lately" (Say how YOU feel, and, again, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY).

Communication is key.  You can ask other people's opinions all you want, but she's the one that knows for sure.  Let her know that it's important that you guys talk, and I'm sure she'll make time.



This was easily the best advice. Telling you to end it w/o communicating your feelings seems a bit childish to me. You never know what's going on in a person's life, talk to her!
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Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2015, 10:23:20 PM »

Offline GratefulCs

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dude cut her off, I know its hard don't call or text just act like she doesn't exist. she will contact you and explain why she wasn't communicating properly.
most underrated post



Hard to do, but definitely the right course of action
I trust Danny Ainge

Re: Is she avoiding me, or 'really,' busy? Just wondering what you guys think.
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2015, 11:39:45 PM »

Offline tarheelsxxiii

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If the relationship is gonna have any chance, you guys have to be able to communicate.  Tell her that you guys need to talk (IN PERSON) and then tell her how you feel directly.  Don't be accusatory, say things like "I feel like we haven't been close lately" (Say how YOU feel, and, again, DON'T BE ACCUSATORY).
Communication is key.  You can ask other people's opinions all you want, but she's the one that knows for sure.  Let her know that it's important that you guys talk, and I'm sure she'll make time.[/b]


Yep, you've gotten some good advice here, OP. If you feel invested -- which it sounds like you do -- then best approach is to facilitate some open communication. She may not want to communicate, and if not, that's fine -- just means she may not be best for you at this time.

Describe the situation (objectively, with an emphasis on your experience... not "you" statements), express how you feel, be assertive in stating what you want (e.g., a conversation about apparent changes in your dynamic), and be respectful. If the end goal is to get her to listen to you and be open about her perspective and feelings, you want to take this approach to maximize the chances of that happening.

This is well-documented in the interpersonal effectiveness literature of psychology. Originally intended for folks with borderline personality disorder, but is now widely used for all walks of life. The acronym is DEAR-MAN -- we only got to the DEAR part here, but if she is indeed pregnant, we will have to incorporate MAN immediately. Kidding, but it does work... psychologists DEAR-MAN each other all day long (foulweatherfan, if you're reading this, your input would be interesting). :)

Good luck. Feel free to PM, if you'd like. And go Celtics!


« Last Edit: October 23, 2015, 12:46:04 AM by tarheelsxxiii »
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