WELCOME TO
THE PLAYOFFS
ARE ORIEN
Welcome one and all, I'll be your host for the evening. For those who don't know me, allow me to introduce myself: I'm the god of grammar, the sultan of sentence structure, the ayatolla of blogatolla.
But the people who do know me call me the champ.
KC, I read your INSUFFERABLE post to start things off. And in between the pandering and the catch phrases, I saw what I see in everybody else on this site.
PURE JEALOUSY.
Jealous of what I've done. Jealous what I'm about to do. Jealous that I'm far and away, without a shadow of a doubt: The best looking man on this site.
I've ridden in limousines you couldn't fathom, flew in private jets, you couldn't draw and been to heights higher than you could ever dream.
And dreams, KC, are dangerous:
Because, KC we know in your heart of hearts, each night before sleeping in your race car, you slip on you replica Marc Gasol swingman jersey and remind pray to the gods of hoop:
"Oh Lord, please bring my Memphis Grizzlies a championship."
And it'll be this dream that'll intercept your pipe dream of EVER winning a Celticsblog championship:
Because of those two monsters on the block: The reformed Randolph getting hot in pistol, and Marc Gasol being, as we both proclaim him to be; the second best center in the league.
Because Rudy Gay's back, and ready to play the role you continuously tout that he can play: The perfect wing compliment to a team that commits it self to the post. The superstar whose ready to sacrifice for the greater team. The guy who'll feed the post when necessary, and light up a weaker, Hedo Turkoglu-like defender when needed.
And because we know the difference between Mike Conley and Tony "Pretty Boy" Parker: Tony Parker is the Point Guard Mike Conley can dream of. The point guard with championship experience, who shoots exceptionally well from the field and doesn't fold in the playoffs.
And because that bench is a thing of beauty. Probably the best the league has EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVEEERRRRRRRRR seen:
The defense and heart of Chuck Hayes, The complimentary change of pace shooting in Channing Frye, the speed and length of Paul George & Trevor Ariza and the emerging star in Jeff Teague.
So KC, It'll be your dream that'll destroy dream.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLDSE7RHvno
You're right SuperMarioKartOrien, KC is jealous. KC is jealous that he could never take enough drugs to convince himself that Jeff Teague is an emerging star anywhere other than the Bennigan's bar that he'll be serving drinks at once Rodney Stuckey is finished serving him. KC is jealous that he has never taken enough peyote to delude himself into thinking that Channing Frye would receive any [dang] compliments on his change of pace except from the other team thanking him for playing so they could win even easier.
Here's the thing you ConanOrien and that rudy poo sidekick of yours Achtung could never..
AND KC MEANS NEVER!
Understand. And that thing is no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you brush up on you impersonation of that sparkly shirt wearin' jabroni Chris Jehricho, no matter how much you mix your Jehricho impersonation in with the Undertakers music like some kind of demented six graders fantasy, no matter how much you dream you will still get destroyed by the most electrifying poster on Celticsblog today.
But KC is generous. See KC understands that your drug addled mind could use some help to achieve your dream, to make you think you can win. So here's what KC's gonna let you do, he's gonna let you call any [dang] dreamer you want to help you. You can bring Beyonce the Dreamgirls. You can bring the old Scottish woman who sang " I dreamed a dream". You can bring Tommy Dreamer dreaming of giving a cleveland steamer. Hell, you can bring Martin Luther King.
IT DOESN"T MATTER WHO YOU BRING!
Because the fact remains, the Papa Doc Pacers have no answer for KC's defensive pressure. The fact remains that the last time Marc Gasol and ZBo faced a frontcourt tandem like ours, they wilted like little daisies. The Fact remains that since Eva kicked his but to the curb the Spurs would be better off playing Candance instead of Tony. And the fact remains that the millions...
AND MILLIONS!
Of KCs fans will be chanting his name in IP's mailbox.
IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
WHAT KC!
IS!
Cookin.