From the Seattle Supersonics Public Relations Department:
PARTIAL PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPT: 7/14/09
HDM: "Thank you all for coming this evening. To answer two pressing questions up front, Yes, we're late, and no, we don't care. Today is a big day for us as an organization, and feel that we have taken steps to better ourselves as an organization through the tireless efforts of our various personnel. Season tickets, for the record, are still available. At this time, I would like to introduce our Vice President In Charge Of Being Gary Payton, Gary Payton, our Head Coach Tommy Heinsohn, and our Community Relations Director Shawn Kemp. I'd like to turn the microphone over to Community Relations Director Shawn Kemp, who will reveal why we've brought you all here today."
CRD Shawn Kemp: "Thanks, HDM. I'm pleased to announce a move the Sonics made today, a move that we feel will please our fans."
VPICOBGP Gary Payton: "Not as much as you pleased them here. Especially the ladies."
Kemp: "Which brings me to the point, thank you Gary. The Sonics marketing department has decided to unveil a special season ticket package today, where any young fan who can provide proof that he or she is a child of mine will get two free season tickets."
Payton: "Well there goes the rest. What's your backup plan for ticket revenue, boss?"
HDM: "We are pleased to offer this option to the youth of Seattle, many of whom we will now see at every home game. Each fan who redeems this offer is expected to register with our scouting department, where we will keep tabs on you until you can't jump anymore. Any further questions can be directed to Gary."
Reporter: "Was there a trade today involving the Sonics?"
Payton: "We traded a bunch of picks for a bunch of others. I gotta be honest, I wasn't really paying attention. Me, Ewing, and Isaiah were at the Gold Club. Starbury couldn't make it, but said he'd catch up with us later. Man you shoulda seen this one stripper man, she had..."
THE REST OF THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS NOT RELEASED BY THE SONICS PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT