Author Topic: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.  (Read 51504 times)

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Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #105 on: August 04, 2008, 01:38:47 PM »

Offline LarBrd33

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Dear Celticsblog relationship veterans,

I got a compliment from a woman on myspace and responded with a compliment back.

I figured at the time it was a harmless compliment until I forgot to sign out of my myspace page and my girlfriend went into my inbox and Through weeks and weeks of PM's (between friends and colleagues) she finds this exchange that happened a couple of weeks ago and is now crying, disgusted with me and hurting bad.

I don't know what to do... I made no attempt to pursue this individual, I am very happy with the person I'm with and planned on spending the rest of my life with her (where supposed to get married this march). I feel  like our relationship might be broken because she is insecure and needs allot of reassuring. Will my compliments to her ever have the same meaning now?

Has anything like this happened to you? Is it broken?

I know I'm wrong for responding and an idiot for leaving my myspace on the computer.

I'd like to add:

- I'm very embarrassed and don't know who else to talk to about this. so thanks for reading and advising.

- This is the worst thing I've done in our 3 year relationship.

Hey I only read your original post.  I care not to read what everyone else had to say, because their opinion isn't my own.   So I don't know where this discussion has lead, but since you asked for input I'll give mine.

I've been there.   Myspace is ridiculous and yet also hilarious.  People use it as a weapon.   Women will try to claim you by leaving you comments on your main profile.   If you hang out with a girl (even if it's just for fun), she'll leave you a comment on your profile saying something to the extent of, "Had a lot of fun yesterday ;)".   They do this to claim you... they do this to show the world that you belong to them or at the very least create the perception.  It bugs the crap out of me.  And for that reason, I never accept myspace comments.  If someone wants to privately send me a message saying, "I had a blast with you yesterday" I'm fine with it, but the whole public comment thing is just a way to receive attention.  I don't play that game.  

Additionally... I once had 160 friends on my myspace.   I left a BLOG COMMENT on one of those friend's page.  She was an amazing writer and basically wrote an essay on why the band NIckleback would bring the apocalypse.  I left a comment ON THE BLOG that basically said, "lol this cracks me up Ashley.  My girlfriend's best friend hates me.  Her friend is the kind of girl who constantly demands attention and thinks the whole world revolves around her.  Since I am dating her best friend and am not one of the many guys who caters to her every move, she has decided she hates me and is constantly trying to convince my girlfriend to break up with me.   You're probably wondering why I choose to bring up this story, right?... one word....   Nickleback.   This vile woman's favorite band is Nickleback.   She constantly plays Nickleback.  More proof that Nickleback is the coming of the apocalypse."

The point was... I had 150 friends.  This girl who wrote the blog was not in my "top 8" friends.   The comment I left her was in a RANDOM BLOG she had written.   Regardless, my girlfriend was able to find it.   That's right... she clicked through all 150 of my myspace buddies and checked the comments.  Not only that, she clicked through all their blogs until she found a comment from me... and when she found that random comment on a random friend's blog (who wasn't even a "top friend")... she brought it up in a fit of rage.    We broke up.    And to be perfectly honest... good riddance.   I had been dating her for only 6 months, but at that point she should have known how I felt about her and known how things stood.  If something like a silly myspace comment was enough to cause her to break up... so be it.

Now you're engaged to this girl.  I don't care what the comment was.  Anything less then, "Hey you should meet me for sex" is perfectly forgivable.  If your fiance can't handle it... move on.  Save yourself some trouble.  Let her know how you feel about her.  If she isn't taking it, you'll be walking on glass the rest of your life.


Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #106 on: August 04, 2008, 01:44:40 PM »

Offline dooyork

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Quote
"You’re looking pretty hot yourself. If you put a bikini picture up your site would be #1 on myspace… =)"

That comment is so innocuous, it's crazy that it was the worst thing you've done in the course of your 3 year relationship.  It reminds me of something that would happen with Woody and his fiancee Kelly on Cheers.  I can't really give you any advice about what is right for you, because you may be a very different person than me.  But personally, I could not last for very long in a relationship where such an insignificant piece of flirting gets blown up into such a big deal.
Double rainbow all the way

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #107 on: August 04, 2008, 01:47:39 PM »

Offline Reyquila

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How old are you Jsaad and how old is your GF? Maturity is supposed to develope with age, and you two, but specially her, seems to lack enough maturity to not to let this situation fade away as quickly as possible. Either she trusts you enough to marry you next March, or she doesnt. This situation is not going to be half as serious as a milliard of other situations much more serious which you two will be facing as time goes by. This is chicken...t. If you two cannot handle this kindergarten stuff, you two will drown in a glassful of water later on.
This situation is not the real problem; this situation is the result of a bigger problem thats undermining your relationship. IMO, this is the result of a lack of maturity; not necessarily maturity that you guys should have but do not, but lack of maturity because you have not lived long enough to have developed it. Thats why the first question was about How old you 2 guys are.
 Few personal instances of how I matured with age. When I was very young; I could not envision myself having a girlfriend that had kissed another boy. Later on in life I thought I would never marry a girl that had been married before (and obvuiously been in bed with someone else). That didnt happen to me but eventually I understood that if my present wife passed away, I knew I would have no qualms about marrying someone that had been married before. It was a matter of maturing with age; thats all. Give yourselfs time to solve this little problem; if it continues to be a big grande problem; one of you or both are not maure enough. Ann landers.  
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Remember that you were a friend of mine

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #108 on: August 04, 2008, 01:59:00 PM »

Offline JSD

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How old are you Jsaad and how old is your GF? Maturity is supposed to develope with age, and you two, but specially her, seems to lack enough maturity to not to let this situation fade away as quickly as possible. Either she trusts you enough to marry you next March, or she doesnt. This situation is not going to be half as serious as a milliard of other situations much more serious which you two will be facing as time goes by. This is chicken...t. If you two cannot handle this kindergarten stuff, you two will drown in a glassful of water later on.
This situation is not the real problem; this situation is the result of a bigger problem thats undermining your relationship. IMO, this is the result of a lack of maturity; not necessarily maturity that you guys should have but do not, but lack of maturity because you have not lived long enough to have developed it. Thats why the first question was about How old you 2 guys are.
 Few personal instances of how I matured with age. When I was very young; I could not envision myself having a girlfriend that had kissed another boy. Later on in life I thought I would never marry a girl that had been married before (and obvuiously been in bed with someone else). That didnt happen to me but eventually I understood that if my present wife passed away, I knew I would have no qualms about marrying someone that had been married before. It was a matter of maturing with age; thats all. Give yourselfs time to solve this little problem; if it continues to be a big grande problem; one of you or both are not maure enough. Ann landers. 


I'm 24 as is she. I've been with her for over 2 1/2 years and this is by far the largest fight (or the maddest she's ever been).

We just spoke and she wanted more information about the myspace PM's. I told her that moving forward is the best step from here and that we can fix this.

She hung up on me and I just received a text stating: "You were trying to cheat on me you F###### as#####! You can have your F###### ring back it means s### to me now."

At this point I'm baffled and no longer responding to her...

Thanks for all the great advice guys. This obviously remains a highly emotional situation that I'm just going to have to ride out and hope for the best.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #109 on: August 04, 2008, 02:07:59 PM »

Offline Roy Hobbs

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I hate to put this so bluntly, but I'd say your fiancee' has some issues she needs to work through before getting married.

All the negativity in this town sucks. It sucks, and it stinks, and it sucks. - Rick Pitino

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Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #110 on: August 04, 2008, 02:11:33 PM »

Offline green tea

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I've read through most of this.  My heart is warm & fuzzy because so many C's fans care for other C's fans.   :)


In a way, it's a blessing in disguise that this came up.  It's better to air out these issues before you ever tie the knot.  You certainly

Your girlfriend's feelings got a little hurt.  It's natural.  Women want to somehow believe that they will be the only apple in a man's eyes.  A confident, mature woman will know that she can't possibly keep you from ever admiring the beauty of another woman...but she can capture your heart forever.  They'll know that boys will be boys...and sneak a peak in there every once in a while.   (Hey, I'm married...and I still very much appreciate the beauty of other women).  Just don't be a disgusting pig about it.  LOL.  

I don't believe it's right to grovel/apologize until you're blue in the face, etc.  A simple, short and sincere apology is fine.  But after that, move on.  Let her ponder things for a bit and get it out of her system.  If she's emotional, let her be.  It's healthy to be angry and blow off a little steam.  Don't try to overly justify things.  Just let her be mad for a while.

In the future, be careful in being so profuse in your apologies.  Being over the top with your apologies will in some ways, actually JUSTIFY her being so upset.  But if you play it off as no big deal, then she might not take it so seriously.  The solution need only be as serious as the offense...and while your comments were slightly pig-like, it's really very minor in the grand scheme of things.  

Best of luck.

green tea


Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #111 on: August 04, 2008, 02:14:42 PM »

Offline green tea

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How old are you Jsaad and how old is your GF? Maturity is supposed to develope with age, and you two, but specially her, seems to lack enough maturity to not to let this situation fade away as quickly as possible. Either she trusts you enough to marry you next March, or she doesnt. This situation is not going to be half as serious as a milliard of other situations much more serious which you two will be facing as time goes by. This is chicken...t. If you two cannot handle this kindergarten stuff, you two will drown in a glassful of water later on.
This situation is not the real problem; this situation is the result of a bigger problem thats undermining your relationship. IMO, this is the result of a lack of maturity; not necessarily maturity that you guys should have but do not, but lack of maturity because you have not lived long enough to have developed it. Thats why the first question was about How old you 2 guys are.
 Few personal instances of how I matured with age. When I was very young; I could not envision myself having a girlfriend that had kissed another boy. Later on in life I thought I would never marry a girl that had been married before (and obvuiously been in bed with someone else). That didnt happen to me but eventually I understood that if my present wife passed away, I knew I would have no qualms about marrying someone that had been married before. It was a matter of maturing with age; thats all. Give yourselfs time to solve this little problem; if it continues to be a big grande problem; one of you or both are not maure enough. Ann landers. 


I'm 24 as is she. I've been with her for over 2 1/2 years and this is by far the largest fight (or the maddest she's ever been).

We just spoke and she wanted more information about the myspace PM's. I told her that moving forward is the best step from here and that we can fix this.

She hung up on me and I just received a text stating: "You were trying to cheat on me you F###### as#####! You can have your F###### ring back it means s### to me now."

At this point I'm baffled and no longer responding to her...

Thanks for all the great advice guys. This obviously remains a highly emotional situation that I'm just going to have to ride out and hope for the best.

Yeah, it sounds to me like she has some major insecurity issues.  It doesn't sound like you two are quite ready for the big step.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #112 on: August 04, 2008, 02:16:19 PM »

Offline SShoreFan 2.0

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Dear Celticsblog relationship veterans,

I got a compliment from a woman on myspace and responded with a compliment back.


- This is the worst thing I've done in our 3 year relationship.

Hey I only read your original post. 

I've been there.   Myspace is ridiculous and yet also hilarious.  People use it as a weapon.   Women will try to claim you by leaving you comments on your main profile.   If you hang out with a girl (even if it's just for fun), she'll leave you a comment on your profile saying something to the extent of, "Had a lot of fun yesterday ;)".   They do this to claim you... they do this to show the world that you belong to them or at the very least create the perception.  It bugs the crap out of me.  And for that reason, I never accept myspace comments.  If someone wants to privately send me a message saying, "I had a blast with you yesterday" I'm fine with it, but the whole public comment thing is just a way to receive attention.  I don't play that game. 


LarBrd33 your posts are always the best as are you.   ;)

I love my kids, call me a sap - it's true.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #113 on: August 04, 2008, 02:21:41 PM »

Offline JSD

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I hate to put this so bluntly, but I'd say your fiancee' has some issues she needs to work through before getting married.

She's extremely emo and hurt right now.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #114 on: August 04, 2008, 02:24:31 PM »

Offline JSD

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Dear Celticsblog relationship veterans,

I got a compliment from a woman on myspace and responded with a compliment back.


- This is the worst thing I've done in our 3 year relationship.

Hey I only read your original post. 

I've been there.   Myspace is ridiculous and yet also hilarious.  People use it as a weapon.   Women will try to claim you by leaving you comments on your main profile.   If you hang out with a girl (even if it's just for fun), she'll leave you a comment on your profile saying something to the extent of, "Had a lot of fun yesterday ;)".   They do this to claim you... they do this to show the world that you belong to them or at the very least create the perception.  It bugs the crap out of me.  And for that reason, I never accept myspace comments.  If someone wants to privately send me a message saying, "I had a blast with you yesterday" I'm fine with it, but the whole public comment thing is just a way to receive attention.  I don't play that game. 


LarBrd33 your posts are always the best as are you.   ;)




It was nicely written and appreciated.

SShoreFan 2.0, thanks for the kind words in your previous post. I enjoy reading your posts also and am glad see you back on after a slow end of July.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #115 on: August 04, 2008, 02:32:19 PM »

Offline ChampKind

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How old are you Jsaad and how old is your GF? Maturity is supposed to develope with age, and you two, but specially her, seems to lack enough maturity to not to let this situation fade away as quickly as possible. Either she trusts you enough to marry you next March, or she doesnt. This situation is not going to be half as serious as a milliard of other situations much more serious which you two will be facing as time goes by. This is chicken...t. If you two cannot handle this kindergarten stuff, you two will drown in a glassful of water later on.
This situation is not the real problem; this situation is the result of a bigger problem thats undermining your relationship. IMO, this is the result of a lack of maturity; not necessarily maturity that you guys should have but do not, but lack of maturity because you have not lived long enough to have developed it. Thats why the first question was about How old you 2 guys are.
 Few personal instances of how I matured with age. When I was very young; I could not envision myself having a girlfriend that had kissed another boy. Later on in life I thought I would never marry a girl that had been married before (and obvuiously been in bed with someone else). That didnt happen to me but eventually I understood that if my present wife passed away, I knew I would have no qualms about marrying someone that had been married before. It was a matter of maturing with age; thats all. Give yourselfs time to solve this little problem; if it continues to be a big grande problem; one of you or both are not maure enough. Ann landers. 


I'm 24 as is she. I've been with her for over 2 1/2 years and this is by far the largest fight (or the maddest she's ever been).

We just spoke and she wanted more information about the myspace PM's. I told her that moving forward is the best step from here and that we can fix this.

She hung up on me and I just received a text stating: "You were trying to cheat on me you F###### as#####! You can have your F###### ring back it means s### to me now."

At this point I'm baffled and no longer responding to her...

Thanks for all the great advice guys. This obviously remains a highly emotional situation that I'm just going to have to ride out and hope for the best.

Geez man.  I'd just leave that alone for a while.  If I were you I'd be pretty angry about her actions - she's ripping into you pretty hard while refusing to listen to your side of things.
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Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #116 on: August 04, 2008, 02:49:53 PM »

Offline CelticFanInLA

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the best relationship advice my father gave me:

"unexpected gifts at unexpected times"

wait a week or so then do something amazing and surprising for her

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #117 on: August 04, 2008, 03:12:28 PM »

Offline nickagneta

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I know it's no consolation but time does heal almost all wounds. This to shall pass.

She needs time to get it out of her system, so let her, but you have definite issues to address before tying the knot. It's better to iron them out calmly so wait til the smoke clears.

But once she is assured that you love her and she is the only one let her know that she needs to be more trusting, less insecure, and a bit more mature about how adults interact. Let her know you can not spend the rest of your life talking only to men and walking on eggshells thinking about everything you say to every women out there because it might upset her.

Take care of these things now so that later on you're not hiring lawyers to figure them out later and losing half of everything you own.



Oh, and good luck.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #118 on: August 04, 2008, 03:18:16 PM »

Offline JSD

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I know it's no consolation but time does heal almost all wounds. This to shall pass.

She needs time to get it out of her system, so let her, but you have definite issues to address before tying the knot. It's better to iron them out calmly so wait til the smoke clears.

But once she is assured that you love her and she is the only one let her know that she needs to be more trusting, less insecure, and a bit more mature about how adults interact. Let her know you can not spend the rest of your life talking only to men and walking on eggshells thinking about everything you say to every women out there because it might upset her.

Take care of these things now so that later on you're not hiring lawyers to figure them out later and losing half of everything you own.



Oh, and good luck.

Thanks Nick,

I'm fairly confident your right and this will blow over with things returning back to normal but this is new water for us and the water is a bit murky. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't worried.

Re: My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.
« Reply #119 on: August 04, 2008, 03:24:44 PM »

Offline oldmanspeaks

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As an old man who had a long unfulfilling marriage and divorce and later a "love for the ages" that ended with her dying from cancer in my arms telling her how much I loved her, I might have some good advice for you. With a bad relationship, every setback leaves a scar. With a good one, every setback creates better understanding through communication and more trust. Fights are almost never about the issue being discussed but by deeper ones. If your girlfriend is feeling insecure, it may be because it is not clear to her what she means to you. And you need to figure out what that means. Love is defined as "unqualified positive regard" which means you don't love "although, but or except". My late love had a zillion flaws/quirks/weaknesses etc which irritated me on an hourly and daily basis. However in fact none of them mattered because I valued her beyond words for what she meant to me. I was a hardass engineering manager but she made my knees buckle because she knew every horrible flaw about me and still called me her hero so the feeling was mutual. You have to strip away all the "preferences" and get down to the core "requirements" that make each of us unique. If she meets all of those "requirements" you need to explain them to her at an emotional level. She will then know how much she means to you.
If she doesn't meet those core requirements, take the ring and run as far and as fast as you can..
By the way, the reverse is also true. She has to value you the same way. If she doesn't, you should also take the ring and run as fast as you can.
By the way, I am positive if my great love had a chance to run off with Sean Connery for a vacation,she would have been gone in an instant-LOL. However I knew she would come back to me. Jealousy doesn't come about in a true relationship because the other person always know how much they are valued.

 

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