When I was playing HS football, I suffered a series of TBI's that severely altered my mood, and my general state of wellness. Suddenly, I felt a hidden anger I never felt before. I woke up every day with a very "cloudy" brain, and struggled to sleep on a regular basis. I spent over 2 years dealing with major post-concussion issues, and although it's not exactly the same thing, I want you to know that they're are people out there who can help, and seeking out that help is neccesary to do what's really best for you, Monkhouse.
Sometimes it's really difficult. From personal experience, I can tell you that sometimes you just want someone to reach out their hand and say "Hey, let me show you the way to improve your life". Unfortunately, that's not the way it works in the US medical system. If you need treatment, you need to seek out the help you need and be willing to ignore the financial aspect of health care in America to make it happen, because at the end of the day your welfare is more important than deductibles or co-pays.
I certainly think it's insane that we expect our mentally ill or afflicted (As I've been before) to advocate for themselves and seek out their own workable treatment, but thats the way it currently is, so do yourself a favor, call every mental health facility in your area, and get yourself some help. Please, Monkhouse, feel free to PM me and maybe one of us could help guide you to good resources in your area to find the help you need.
This may be just an Internet message board, but that doesn't mean a lot of people here won't be willing to help you. The most important thing in your situation is to REACH OUT!