Need some help. Advice needed.

[WeMadeIt17]

So i am going to be very honest here. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 6.5 years today. We've been through a lot with each other even though i am 23 and she is 24. She's been the only girl i've been with since i was 16. I loved her very much but we would have fights a lot and i would do something she didn't like or vice versa. I am fairly upset about this because its tough. I loved her very much and am a firm believer if you love it let it go and if it comes back its meant to be. I just am pretty upset right now and was wondering if anyone could help with some advice. I know i am going to be ok. It's just tough to see right now.

[Yoki_IsTheName]

I'm sorry to hear that bro, I wish I can hand you a beer.

All I can say is, it will take time. I understand it's tough, moving on is really tough. But there are things you can do to help you cope up.

Go with your boys, hang out or something. Spending time with friends goes a long way. Focus everything on your work or school, it gets you off of thinking of her most of the time and you're being productive. Do something you enjoy, preferably enjoy alone. If you like video games, go. Or if you work out, stay in the gym longer, anything.

The basic thing about moving on is spending time for yourself avoiding of thinking about the past. Whatever it is you think you can do and keep yourself pre occupied, go right with it.

Good luck with it.

[WeMadeIt17]

I'm sorry to hear that bro, I wish I can hand you a beer.

All I can say is, it will take time. I understand it's tough, moving on is really tough. But there are things you can do to help you cope up.

Go with your boys, hang out or something. Spending time with friends goes a long way. Focus everything on your work or school, it gets you off of thinking of her most of the time and you're being productive. Do something you enjoy, preferably enjoy alone. If you like video games, go. Or if you work out, stay in the gym longer, anything.

The basic thing about moving on is spending time for yourself avoiding of thinking about the past. Whatever it is you think you can do and keep yourself pre occupied, go right with it.

Good luck with it.

Thanks bud. I really appreciate it.

[indeedproceed]

I've given this advice before here in one incarnation or another, and I will give it again in the form of a list:

1) Delete her number, delete her from Facebook, take down everything in your living space that reminds you of her (within reason..don't throw the puppy in the trash or anything). Unfollow her from twitter, Instagram, anything that will allow you to Internet stalk her. Also anything that will allow you to real-life stalk her. Get as close to a wholesale cleaning as you can. After 6+ years, that's going to be impossible, but get as close as you can, even if it means some tough choices. If she asks about it, tell her that you don't think you can get over her any other way.

2) Take a few days and lick your wounds.

3) But not too many days. Stay active. When in public, pretend you're okay. It's easy to slip into melancholy and full on emo-indulgence. RESIST.

4) Be social, but don't be weird about pretending like its fine to go places you know she'll be, especially if alcohol is involved. But be as active as humanly possible . Play lots of pickup, go out for pizza. Anything to stop yourself from wallowing after those first couple of days.

5) Don't allow yourself to be petty. Don't engage in grapevine communication, and if you can, don't talk about her at all except to your most trusted of friends. You've spent the past 6 years devoting a lot of your life to her, and it's a fine line between love and hate, it's easy to re-purpose those good feelings and attentions you used to get by interacting with her into bad feelings and arguments, RESIST.

6) Keep on pretending you're okay, keep on being a good guy, engage in a rebound or two, pretend that you're just living your life like it doesn't phase you. Eventually, you will be okay, you'll be unsullied by crappy breakup drama, and those rebounds will transition into healthy emotional relationships.

7) Get yourself into the best shape of your life. Feeling good about your appearance and by default, feeling good about yourself will make every single thing I outlined above easier.

It's gonna be tough, but you'll get through it.

[Atzar]

This may not be what you want to hear, but I haven't seen many cases where a couple got back together after a breakup and actually lasted.  I tried it once (against the advice of all of my friends) and ended up just hurting even more.  So don't do that.  If it's gone, let it go. 

Just keep your chin up.  The next few weeks will be tough, but it'll help if you keep yourself busy - hang out with friends, dive into your work or studies, unearth an old hobby or find a new one, just make sure you go to bed tired every night.  That helps a lot. 

Be strong.  You'll get through it.

[WeMadeIt17]

Thanks guys i really do appreciate it.

[Kiorrik]

IP's advice sounds like a winner.

[Neurotic Guy]

Great advice by all -- especially IndeedProceed (you should write a book)! 

Dwelling is the enemy.  Dwelling lures you to lose energy, to stop doing things that could make you feel better and leads to more dwelling.   
So be aware when you are dwelling and the moment you realize you are dwelling, RUN to re-read IndeedProceed's post and implement one of his strategies. 

It's true that loss needs to run it's course and part of dealing with it always includes some sadness.  So feel sad, reminisce about the good times (and bad), feel the pain of the loss for a few moments -- but then do not dwell!

Also I'd suggest immediately removing the words 'should have' and 'if only' from your vocabulary.

As you said, you'll be OK.

 

[footey]

I've given this advice before here in one incarnation or another, and I will give it again in the form of a list:

1) Delete her number, delete her from Facebook, take down everything in your living space that reminds you of her (within reason..don't throw the puppy in the trash or anything). Unfollow her from twitter, Instagram, anything that will allow you to Internet stalk her. Also anything that will allow you to real-life stalk her. Get as close to a wholesale cleaning as you can. After 6+ years, that's going to be impossible, but get as close as you can, even if it means some tough choices. If she asks about it, tell her that you don't think you can get over her any other way.

2) Take a few days and lick your wounds.

3) But not too many days. Stay active. When in public, pretend you're okay. It's easy to slip into melancholy and full on emo-indulgence. RESIST.

4) Be social, but don't be weird about pretending like its fine to go places you know she'll be, especially if alcohol is involved. But be as active as humanly possible . Play lots of pickup, go out for pizza. Anything to stop yourself from wallowing after those first couple of days.

5) Don't allow yourself to be petty. Don't engage in grapevine communication, and if you can, don't talk about her at all except to your most trusted of friends. You've spent the past 6 years devoting a lot of your life to her, and it's a fine line between love and hate, it's easy to re-purpose those good feelings and attentions you used to get by interacting with her into bad feelings and arguments, RESIST.

6) Keep on pretending you're okay, keep on being a good guy, engage in a rebound or two, pretend that you're just living your life like it doesn't phase you. Eventually, you will be okay, you'll be unsullied by crappy breakup drama, and those rebounds will transition into healthy emotional relationships.

7) Get yourself into the best shape of your life. Feeling good about your appearance and by default, feeling good about yourself will make every single thing I outlined above easier.

It's gonna be tough, but you'll get through it.

Great advice. 

[Kiorrik]

IndeedProceed (you should write a book)!

I'd buy it. Any topic. Count me a fan-boy.

[BASS_THUMPER]

Life Brotha

go thru
get over
and keep it movin

[D.o.s.]

Listen to lots of A-ha.

[BASS_THUMPER]

I've given this advice before here in one incarnation or another, and I will give it again in the form of a list:

1) Delete her number, delete her from Facebook, take down everything in your living space that reminds you of her (within reason..don't throw the puppy in the trash or anything). Unfollow her from twitter, Instagram, anything that will allow you to Internet stalk her. Also anything that will allow you to real-life stalk her. Get as close to a wholesale cleaning as you can. After 6+ years, that's going to be impossible, but get as close as you can, even if it means some tough choices. If she asks about it, tell her that you don't think you can get over her any other way.

2) Take a few days and lick your wounds.

3) But not too many days. Stay active. When in public, pretend you're okay. It's easy to slip into melancholy and full on emo-indulgence. RESIST.

4) Be social, but don't be weird about pretending like its fine to go places you know she'll be, especially if alcohol is involved. But be as active as humanly possible . Play lots of pickup, go out for pizza. Anything to stop yourself from wallowing after those first couple of days.

5) Don't allow yourself to be petty. Don't engage in grapevine communication, and if you can, don't talk about her at all except to your most trusted of friends. You've spent the past 6 years devoting a lot of your life to her, and it's a fine line between love and hate, it's easy to re-purpose those good feelings and attentions you used to get by interacting with her into bad feelings and arguments, RESIST.

6) Keep on pretending you're okay, keep on being a good guy, engage in a rebound or two, pretend that you're just living your life like it doesn't phase you. Eventually, you will be okay, you'll be unsullied by crappy breakup drama, and those rebounds will transition into healthy emotional relationships.

7) Get yourself into the best shape of your life. Feeling good about your appearance and by default, feeling good about yourself will make every single thing I outlined above easier.

It's gonna be tough, but you'll get through it.

i dont agrree with this


u put years in with her
break ups to make ups

dont think about what u need to do..jus do it

1) dont delete her from your facebook
just delete your account
cause im sure you got friends that are her friends
that will only keep that drama rollin

"she told me what happen"...thats all u need to hear from one of her girl friends..who take her side anyway

2) dont go out when ya really not feelin it
 you must sort it out in yourself...no one but you knows want your goin thru.."it will be ok"...at this time dont work..get that inner strength

3)understand its life..
we go thru things
it will make ya or break ya..

 

[green147]

Hang out with friends. It may feel like you want to be alone, but the best thing you can do is keep yourself close to good friends and try to do something active. Play some pickup basketball. Stay up man.

[Ogaju]

you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23 you are 23

you asked for advice I will give you mine. 23 vs. 24 was probably not a good deal for you to begin with.

So lick your wounds and get out there and live your life.

You folks are going to live until you are like 150 years old anyway. So you have your whole life ahead of you.

You will be alright and things get better.

I am dealing with a family member now that put over 30 years in a relationship that is breaking up. Think about it 3o years!!!! Nothing is guaranteed.

Love yourself and you will be alright. You will miss her no doubt. Allow yourself to grieve the breakup but don't dwell on it. Move on remember the good times and be grateful for it, but please keep your focus on your future.

Good Luck bro ...we are here for you.