Ultimate Draft III - D..U..N spells DUN

[Roy H.]

STEPHEN COLBERT, RIDING FALCOR FROM NEVERENDING STORY!!

/pwnage

See, I think your miscalculation was having Murray ride the buffalo, and Colbert on Falcor.  If you'd inverted those choices, you could have been a contender.

[Bahku]

Enjoy ... objectivity be darned!

How on earth can you objectively determine who the best "substitute apostles" are, though?

This entire draft is *subjective*.  Some people hate Jack Bauer as an apostle; others see the humor in it.  It's like in past years, when folks debated Bill Russell vs. Zeus on the basketball court.  It's all absurd stuff, but fun to argue about.

I'm a bit disappointed that this thing lost some steam, but I thought it was a blast.  I think if more of the GMs had stuck it out and had pimped their teams a bit more, the voting would have been more diverse.

OK, Here we go:
 
1 ) Michelangelo (Artist) - You don't get more divine inspiration than this guy ... if anyone ever had a direct line to Heaven, it's him, (check out the Sistine Chapel ceiling). He also worked directly with more than one pope, who commissioned him to many works artistic and architectural, including the design and construction of cathedrals and basilica domes, windows, staircases, sculptures, etc.. If Mikey doesn't qualify, nobody does.
 
2 ) Thomas Jefferson (Losing Presidential Candidate) - Jefferson was raised Presbyterian and studied under the Reverend James Maury until entering the College of William and Mary at age 16. He was a devout Christian, (though troubled by what he saw as the errors of some sects/denominations of Christianity, esp. Catholicism), and was a principal architect in the founding of our nation's laws under God. Some of his last words were:
 
"I have done for my country, and for all mankind, all that I could do,"
and I now resign my soul, without fear, to my God, -- my daughter to my country."
 
(A heavy qualifier for this category)
 
3 ) Abraham Lincoln (Wild Card) - Lincoln was raised with Christianity, never joined a church, but almost always went on Sunday. He knew the Bible backward and forward, and quoted it often. But regardless of his beliefs, the man ended slavery ... if that isn't saintly, I don't know what is. (Other qualifications if needed).
 
4 ) Brian Scalabrine (Redhead) - A devout Catholic for most of his life, The Bishop of Basketball, the Earle of Enumclaw, the Saint of the Celtics, and just the gosh-darned nicest guy in all of sports, (just ask anyone, especially BassThumper ... nuf sed).
 
5 ) Tupac Shakur (Rapper) - A Saint of the Streets, he was a musician and poet and a voice of his people ... a bard of the barrios, he was a voracious reader, especially of philosophy, his lyrics spoke clearly of a belief in God, and many describe him as a deist, (listen to "The Rose That Grew From Concrete" and "Only God Can Judge Me".
 
6 ) Vic Mackey (TV Cop) - While admittedly a stretch, we see Vic as our "Judas" sort of apostle - a guy who believes and wants very badly to do good, but who just keeps getting in his own way. Nevertheless, Judas was an apostle, and so is Vic in our opinion ... the Apostle of Humanness, let's say.
 
7 ) Michael Phelps (Olympic Gold Medalist) - Who has more gold than this guy? More medals? Don't medals speak on saintliness? He's our U.S. Olympic Apostle, and simply the greatest guy to ever don goggles and a Speedo, (just ask him).
 
8 ) Bruno Sammartino (Wrestler) - One of the staunchest Catholics in the history of Professional Wrestling, and raised as so from birth, spending long hours as a child hiding from Germans in the Italian Alps, and having only an old Bible to read, he became dependent on the Word from an early age. The Reverend of Wrestling.
 
9 ) Mortimer Mc Pestle, The Eutectic (Mascot) - A representative of physics and pharmacy, a natural science and one of the studies of the laws of nature, matter and it's motion through space-time. He is the mascot of the St. Louis College of Pharmacy! "Saint" is part of his title for cryingoutloud! And besides ... McPestle - apostle ... pestle - postle ... woah! They even sound alike!!
 
10 ) Leprechaun (Mythical Being) - I mean, come on!! He's the representative of St. Patrick's Day for heaven's sake!
 
Bam! Home run ... game over!
 
Nobody can compete ... period.
 
Not ...

Even ...

Close.

[indeedproceed]

STEPHEN COLBERT, RIDING FALCOR FROM NEVERENDING STORY!!

/pwnage

See, I think your miscalculation was having Murray ride the buffalo, and Colbert on Falcor.  If you'd inverted those choices, you could have been a contender.

I thought about this, but Colbert's bombastic patriotism dwarfs all other losing presidential candidates not named Teddy, who by all counts was a completely bogus pick as losing presidential candidate, because he's clearly a mythical being. His ego could not endure riding a buffalo, while Murray has proved his worth as a leader of men a few times over (stripes, ghostbusters, life aquatic, etc...)

[indeedproceed]

Regarding Bahku's team (which is clearly second rate to mine), I loved Lincoln, Jefferson, Scalabrine, and Shakur, but the rest did nothing for me here. Michelangelo would need years to do his proper apostling, Mackey doesn't care about anything but himself, Mortimer Mcpestle was a total miss with me, as was phelps.

[Redz]

Is the Golem sharing the medal stand with Jesse Jackson almost as poignant as Jeese Owens with the German?

[Bahku]

Regarding Bahku's team (which is clearly second rate to mine), I loved Lincoln, Jefferson, Scalabrine, and Shakur, but the rest did nothing for me here. Michelangelo would need years to do his proper apostling, Mackey doesn't care about anything but himself, Mortimer Mcpestle was a total miss with me, as was phelps.

And why would you say that about Michelangelo?

The phrase "divine inspiration" was literally created for him.

He was called Il Divini, (the divine one), and even DaVinci called him this, because he was thought to be directly connected to God at the time.

He also built and designed cathedrals, and was a friend of and directly commissioned by two popes.

Have you ever seen the Sistine Chapel ceiling? If that's not divine inspiration, or saint-like, then nothing is.

Maybe you're familiar with this:



A very tiny part of a section called "The Creation of Adam" ... the entire ceiling is taken from the Bible.

So just why would it take so much to make him a substitue apostle?

[indeedproceed]

Because didn't it take decades to make the Sistine chapel? And isn't Michelangelo NOT ON MY TEAM?!

[Roy H.]

1 ) Michelangelo (Artist) - You don't get more divine inspiration than this guy ... if anyone ever had a direct line to Heaven, it's him, (check out the Sistine Chapel ceiling). He also worked directly with more than one pope, who commissioned him to many works artistic and architectural, including the design and construction of cathedrals and basilica domes, windows, staircases, sculptures, etc.. If Mikey doesn't qualify, nobody does.

vs.

Christy Brown

And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

What better display of this passage than Christy Brown?  Born with severe cerebral palsy, God blessed him with the gifts of art and insight.  What better apostle is there to show that God loves all his creatures than the crippled who God has blessed?
 

2 ) Thomas Jefferson (Losing Presidential Candidate) - Jefferson was raised Presbyterian and studied under the Reverend James Maury until entering the College of William and Mary at age 16. He was a devout Christian, (though troubled by what he saw as the errors of some sects/denominations of Christianity, esp. Catholicism), and was a principal architect in the founding of our nation's laws under God. Some of his last words were:
 
"I have done for my country, and for all mankind, all that I could do,"
and I now resign my soul, without fear, to my God, -- my daughter to my country."

Thomas Jefferson is most famous for wanting a wall between church and state.  He's going up against Teddy Roosevelt, one of the bravest, most convicted men of all-time.  Much like Christy Brown, Teddy Roosevelt is proof that the weak can overcome.  Roosevelt was physically weak and asthmatic as a child, but went on to become a war hero.  He followed that up by showing leadership in the White House, standing up for God's natural beauty by starting the national park service.
 
(A heavy qualifier for this category)
 

3 ) Abraham Lincoln (Wild Card) - Lincoln was raised with Christianity, never joined a church, but almost always went on Sunday. He knew the Bible backward and forward, and quoted it often. But regardless of his beliefs, the man ended slavery ... if that isn't saintly, I don't know what is. (Other qualifications if needed).

vs. William Wallace.  You want an apostle people will respect.  Wallace rallied an entire country to fight against the oppression of the English, at great personal sacrifice to himself.  His cries of "freedom" resonate with all.
 

4 ) Brian Scalabrine (Redhead) - A devout Catholic for most of his life, The Bishop of Basketball, the Earle of Enumclaw, the Saint of the Celtics, and just the gosh-darned nicest guy in all of sports, (just ask anyone, especially BassThumper ... nuf sed).

vs. Mark Twain.  Twain is one of the great thinkers and satirists in American history.  If you needed to win an argument, he was your man.
 

5 ) Tupac Shakur (Rapper) - A Saint of the Streets, he was a musician and poet and a voice of his people ... a bard of the barrios, he was a voracious reader, especially of philosophy, his lyrics spoke clearly of a belief in God, and many describe him as a deist, (listen to "The Rose That Grew From Concrete" and "Only God Can Judge Me".

vs. Walter Payton.  A guy mixed up in drugs and violence vs. a guy named "Sweetness"?  Payton was a humanitarian, and he reached millions through his works on and off the field.
 

6 ) Vic Mackey (TV Cop) - While admittedly a stretch, we see Vic as our "Judas" sort of apostle - a guy who believes and wants very badly to do good, but who just keeps getting in his own way. Nevertheless, Judas was an apostle, and so is Vic in our opinion ... the Apostle of Humanness, let's say.

vs. Jack Bauer.



Case closed.
 

7 ) Michael Phelps (Olympic Gold Medalist) - Who has more gold than this guy? More medals? Don't medals speak on saintliness? He's our U.S. Olympic Apostle, and simply the greatest guy to ever don goggles and a Speedo, (just ask him).

vs. Jesse Owens.  Four gold medals while single-handedly disproving the theory of a master race.  A genuinely humble and nice guy.
 

8 ) Bruno Sammartino (Wrestler) - One of the staunchest Catholics in the history of Professional Wrestling, and raised as so from birth, spending long hours as a child hiding from Germans in the Italian Alps, and having only an old Bible to read, he became dependent on the Word from an early age. The Reverend of Wrestling.

How many wrestlers reference the Gospels?  Plus, he can reach the redneck audience and bring in more followers.
 

9 ) Mortimer Mc Pestle, The Eutectic (Mascot) - A representative of physics and pharmacy, a natural science and one of the studies of the laws of nature, matter and it's motion through space-time. He is the mascot of the St. Louis College of Pharmacy! "Saint" is part of his title for cryingoutloud! And besides ... McPestle - apostle ... pestle - postle ... woah! They even sound alike!!

vs. Kool Aid Man.  Want to indoctrinate somebody in your belief system?  Get them to drink kool aid.  Sounds pretty apostle-like.
 

10 ) Leprechaun (Mythical Being) - I mean, come on!! He's the representative of St. Patrick's Day for heaven's sake!

vs. Prometheus.  Created man and gave them fire.  
 

Bam! Home run ... game over!
 
Nobody can compete ... period.
 
Not ...

Even ...

Close.

Subjective.

[Redz]

wait

I thought we were voting for Subsitute Pustule ...can I revote?

[Roy H.]

wait

I thought we were voting for Subsitute Pustule ...can I revote?

In that case, I vote Andre the Giant.

[indeedproceed]

And wait, not to be obtuse, but are you really saying 'Divine Inspiration' was created for Michelangelo?

Also Bahku you have ventured into one of the classic battlefield blunders. The first of which is 'never get into a land war in Asia', but only slightly lesser known is 'never allow Roy Hobbs to actually use scripture in a Internet debate'.

He takes his Word wicked seriously, like a lawyer should.

(this of course is meant as good natured ribbing, I've got nothing but the utmost respect for lawyers, especially when considering those parking tickets i got in Portland last spring)

[Redz]

wait

I thought we were voting for Subsitute Pustule ...can I revote?

In that case, I vote Andre the Giant.

A definite frontrunner.  You know Andre must have had some serious backne.

[Bahku]

And wait, not to be obtuse, but are you really saying 'Divine Inspiration' was created for Michelangelo?

Also Bahku you have ventured into one of the classic battlefield blunders. The first of which is 'never get into a land war in Asia', but only slightly lesser known is 'never allow Roy Hobbs to actually use scripture in a Internet debate'.

He takes his Word wicked seriously, like a lawyer should.

(this of course is meant as good natured ribbing, I've got nothing but the utmost respect for lawyers, especially when considering those parking tickets i got in Portland last spring)

Ah, so this is about scripture? I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone in that category, (seriously).

And besides, I have two lawyers on Mt. Rushmore ... Roy, one.

No contest.

[Roy H.]

“We in America can attain our great destiny only by service; not by rhetoric, and above all not by insincere rhetoric, and that dreadful mental double-dealing and verbal juggling which makes promises and repudiates them, and says one thing at one time, and the directly opposite thing at another time.  Our service must be the service of deeds.”

“I abhor unjust war.  I abhor injustice and bullying by the strong at the expense of the weak, whether among nations or individuals, I abhor violence and bloodshed.  But it takes strength to put a stop to abhorrent things.”

Teddy Roosevelt would pretty much be the best modern apostle of all-time.

[Bahku]

“We in America can attain our great destiny only by service; not by rhetoric, and above all not by insincere rhetoric, and that dreadful mental double-dealing and verbal juggling which makes promises and repudiates them, and says one thing at one time, and the directly opposite thing at another time.  Our service must be the service of deeds.”

“I abhor unjust war.  I abhor injustice and bullying by the strong at the expense of the weak, whether among nations or individuals, I abhor violence and bloodshed.  But it takes strength to put a stop to abhorrent things.”

Teddy Roosevelt would pretty much be the best modern apostle of all-time.

"Walk softly and carry a big stick. You shall go far." ... one of the Ten Commandments for a new world order.