Tom Ziller's 7 completely made up timelines on 16 hour negotiating session

[KGs Knee]

This is a must read:

http://www.sbnation.com/nba/2011/10/19/2499860/nba-lockout-2011-alternate-timelines-hook

Completely hilarious.  I loved timeline #6, although I was torn between #3 (KG on line 1) and #5 (count tha rings-cough-LeBron-cough) as well.

TIMELINE 6: OCCUPY NBA
Cohen slowly works through minute details of each side's positions on literally everything under the sun, including Germany's responsibility to the EuroZone. (Mark Cuban says that he wrote a clause into Dirk Nowitzki's last contract preventing him from testifying before the Bundestag in order to preserve his voice for future team-building karaoke nights in Dallas.) As the sides step through the minefield that is the hardness of the salary cap, four protesters from Occupy Wall Street burst into the conference room. A man on a bullhorn addresses the group.

Man #1: "We hereby Occupy The NBA!"

His fellow protesters cheer.

Stern: "Get the out."

Man #1: "No, we will not! The Waldorf-Astoria took a tax break in 1956, therefore making it a publicly-owned space."

Silver: "I don't think that's --"

Woman #1: (into bullhorn) "We will not leave until the NBA makes important reforms that equalize the playing field for the 99 percent of NBA teams that do not win a championship every year!"

Stern and Silver exchange looks. Fisher slaps his own forehead.

Man #1: "We demand that the NBA consider legislation that will force the 1 percent of NBA teams that controls 100 percent of the annual NBA championships to share the burden of this economic crisis!"

Cuban: "Get the out."

Woman #1: "Furthermore, considering that the NBA represents the top 1 percent of all basketball players in the world and makes 80 percent of all basketball revenue on the planet, we demand that NBA players begin sharing the burden of the PAIN that the basketball players in Greece and Main Street and Spain have felt!"

Chris Paul: "No seriously, get the out."

Four of the protesters handcuff themselves to the nearest negotiating session participant. Hunter gets Man #1. Buss gets Woman #1. Etan Thomas is handcuffed to a man with large dreadlocks. A woman who smells like patchouli and broccoli chains herself to Stern.

Stern: "George, the gas! Everyone, your masks!"

Cohen pulls a gas mask from under the table and puts it on. All other owners, players and lawyers follow suit. Cohen then runs to a giant red switch on the wall and flips it. An odorless, dull gray gas pours out from the vents into the room. Man #1 quickly swallows a set of tiny keys.

Stern: "Noooooo!"

The protesters pass out. The gas dissipates as the vents circulate through fresh air. The players, owners and lawyers remove their masks.

Stern: "[dang it], Billy, you were supposed to make sure you had the keys! Now we're attached to these hippies until President Hempshirt over here has a bowel movement."

Hunter: "You overreacted, David! You went for the gas too quickly! It's your fault. Take the blame take the blame take the blame."

Stern: "Screw you."

They argue for hours. Fisher leaves, dejected and a little queasy. He fears his gas mask may have been defected. He slumps onto a bench in the lobby and falls asleep. He dreams of basketball. It is a sad dream.

Note: quote edited for language

[indeedproceed]

Hm, someone else is watching Community, apparently.

[Fafnir]

Hm, someone else is watching Community, apparently.

That makes four of us at least.