Hi Celtics fans! Gary Tanguay here!
The world is filled with people who would love to work in sports broadcasting. What could be better, after all, than watching and talking about your favorite teams for a living? Make no mistake, though, this is a tough job, and not just anyone can cut it in this business.
But don't let that discourage you. I, Gary Tanguay, am here to help you step up your game and get into the big leagues of sports broadcasting! Take it from the play-by-play man of the Boston Celtics, I can help you make it big with these simple steps:
1) You're part of a team! And I don't just mean the guys in the jerseys on the court, I mean your color commentator. If, like me, you have a former NBA star sitting next to you, you have to brown nose like you've never brown nosed before. The fans aren't watching to listen to you disagree with the legend to your right, they're hear to listen to you fake-laugh and “yes sir” your way through two-and-a-half hours of basketball.
2) But remember, the fans ARE watching to listen to you. Otherwise, why would they watch the game at home? Anytime your color commentator isn't speaking, say whatever comes to mind. Doesn't make sense? Who cares? You're the expert! Is empirically wrong? Who cares? You're the expert! If you want to say that Shaquille O'Neal is an amazing free throw shooter, go ahead! It's not like the fans at home will be able to say anything to your face.
3) The shot clock is vitally important. Remind fans at all times exactly what's on the shot clock. Let me give you an example: “16 on the shot clock. Rondo hands it off to Pierce who drives towards the basket with 14 on the shot clock kicks it out to Ray Allen with 13 left to shoot.”
4) Don't bother being quick or accurate when telling fans if there's a foul or who it's on. If they really want to know, they can just check the internet.
5) Every shot is potentially a game winner, so call it like one. Even if you're up 18 with two minutes to go, call that pull up jumper as if Game 7 of the finals depended on it!
Alright Celtics fans, I hope you enjoyed this installment of The Tang Way! Just take these tips to heart, and someday soon you, too, can be making thousands of people reach desperately for their mute buttons.