Lebron was visited last night by the Ghost of Basketball Future, Rajon Rondo.
Rajon: Let me take you down a path of your future career Lebron if you continue to make the mistakes you are making.
Lebron: What mistakes?
Rajon: You make too many commercials “King”. You’re practically Peyton Manning, but at least he has a ring and stayed in school.
Lebron: Fine. Where are we going?
Rondo: The Hall of Excellent Basketball players.
Lebron: Is that like the Hall of Fame?
Rondo: No. You are a near lock for the Hall of Fame. Lots of players are in there. This place is more important. You will see. This first room is the room of Legitimate Candidates for GOAT.
Lebron: Hey. It’s Michael Jordan and Bill Russell!
Rondo: Yes. And your friend Kobe is here. And your teammate Shaq. And there’s Tim Duncan who swept you out of the finals. And Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. And Kareem.
Lebron: Where am I?
Jordan: Hey look who’s here! It’s that Lebronny kid!
(Magic and Larry are snickering in the corner)
Russell: Who?
Jordan: Lebron James. You know. The “King”
Russell: I have no idea who you’re talking about.
Jordan: (To Lebron). Get out!
Lebron: What?
Jordan: Get out! Now!
Rondo: We have to go to the next room now. This is the room of players who dominated their positions, and did things nobody did or could do. They tend to have one or two rings. They are virtually the best players to ever play their positions.
Lebron: Who is that?
Rondo: That’s Oscar Robertson. And over there is KG and Kevin McHale. There’s Rodman and Hakeem Olowjuwan. Wilt Chamberline is over there. Bob Cousy is in the corner with Jerry West. Sometimes they let D Wade and Scottie Pippen in here. Isaiah Thomas comes in here sometimes too. And sometimes Dr. J. Also Dennis Johnson is in here because Bird said he was the best player he ever played with and that means something.
Lebron: Where am I?
Gets a scowl from Kevin Garnett
Lebron: Never mind. I’m leaving. Where do we go next?
Rondo: To the room of Players Everyone Respects
Lebron: I have GOT to be in that room.
Rondo: You’ll be surprised actually.
Lebron: Who are these guys?
Rondo: You ignorance is astounding. That is Charles Barkley, John Stockton, and Karl Malone. There are players here that only won one ring or zero, but at least led their teams in the finals against other great teams. Steve Nash is here. He’s one of the only ones that never played in the finals allowed in here. Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are here too. And James Worthy.
Lebron: Hey that’s Allen Iverson!
Rondo: They usually make him go to the other room, but you caught him when he was here. They sometimes let Dwight Howard in here, but they make him sit in the corner. They also let Dirk Nowitski spend some time here. There’s a decent chance Chris Paul will end up here. They also let Reggie Miller in sometimes.
Lebron: I’m getting a little nervous about what’s in the next room. I’ll be here right?
Rondo: The general consensus is that you will probably wind up here at the rate you are going, but the next room is very possible.
Barkley: When you come back bring me some chicken wings!
Iverson: And don’t come back till you have a neck tattoo or something!
Stockton: Why do you say stupid things like that Allen?
Iverson: Whaaatttt?
Barkley: Hey wait King! Before you go I gotta give you this. Take that crown off your head. You look stupid.
Lebon: What are you going to give me.
Barkley: I'm giving you a different crown. Kneel. I hearby crown you the new Dan Marino of the NBA, and I cannot TELL you how good it feels to not have to wear that anymore.
Rondo: Don’t overreact when you reach the next room. You will treat those players with respect.
Lebron: Ohhhhh nooooooo!!!!! God noooooo!!!!!!
Patrick Ewing: Hello Lebron! Why don’t you sit with me?
Lebron: I don’t belong here!!!!!
Patrick: Actually there are some guys that think it’s generous letting you in here. I played in the Jordan era and went to game 7 in the finals against a major Defensive player of the year in Hakeem. A lot of people think it’s not my fault that John Starks went cold that night.
Lebron: But they named the Ewing effect after you! And over there is Carmelo Anthony. And Vince Carter. And TMac! I have to get out of here! Are there other players with odd situations?
Rondo: They feel like Robert Parish doesn’t really qualify for the room before, but that he shouldn’t have to suffer here either. He just sorta wanders. There's also a Room of Inpiring Role Players where they keep Kurt Rambis and Vlade Divac on the condition he never flops.
Lebron: No! No! No! What do I do? Hey wait. Where will you go?
Rondo: I am likely to end up in the second or third room.
Lebron: Well how do I get to a better room?
Rondo: Stop making so many commercials until you actually win something. Don’t ever be seen giving up again. Stop losing to teams worse than you and making excuses. Actually lead a team instead of just teaming up with an all-star. Stop calling yourself “King”.
Lebron: Nooooooooooo!!!
Wakes up.
Lebron: Oh my God. It was just a dream. Oh Thank God.
Turns on Sportscenter. Watches highlights from last night’s game.
Lebron: Noooooooooooooo!!!!
Moral of the story: Lebron isn’t that good of a player. Merely the most overhyped one ever.