Girl Advice

[JSD]

On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.

Ithaca huh? makes me think of one thing:

[LarBrd33]

A novel idea, but have you thought about talking to her about your relationship?

I don't think you're reading too much into things.  Any time you notice changes in a relationship, it's worth being concerned about.  If you detected a shift, I think it's good to question it.  I'd recommend talking it over with her, though, rather than making assumptions.

As for getting over homesickness, distractions could work; keep her busy.  If your phone plan doesn't allow for unlimited calls home, you may look into that.  Also, she should invite her family up there, and show them around the city.

Ultimately, though, if Boston just isn't for her (and it's not for everyone) you're going to be faced with some life decisions. 

Also, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you're experiencing distance in the relationship, I'm not sure this is the time to move in together.

Roy may be right...

but I suggest you preemptively dump her... just in case.

[Shiz1111]

Here are my thoughts from a female perspective...I happen to be this type of woman. Meaning if somethings on my mind, I tend to be a little distant for a bit while I work it out. I really don't know your girlfriend though so I can only offer some advice from my own experience. It's best to let her know that you're aware something's on her mind but not necessarily best to ask explicity what the problem is. If she's like me at all, then she'll come out with it when she's good and ready.

All she really needs to know is that you're aware of her dampened mood, that she absolutely doesn't have to talk about with you unless she wants to, but just so that she knows...the door is always open. In the meantime, you just do your part to try to make her feel nice. Having a nice day/night out together for no other reason than to just be together with no pressure about wanting to know what's on her mind will do just fine. In my case, that kind of scenario would very likely open me right up for discussion anyway. As others have said, be honest, be yourself, leave the mind games alone (they inevitably make things worse), and what will be will be. Hope that helps!! Good luck 

[connerhenry43]

"A pre-emptive breakup? This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.”

[connerhenry43]

Here are my thoughts from a female perspective...I happen to be this type of woman. Meaning if somethings on my mind, I tend to be a little distant for a bit while I work it out. I really don't know your girlfriend though so I can only offer some advice from my own experience. It's best to let her know that you're aware something's on her mind but not necessarily best to ask explicity what the problem is. If she's like me at all, then she'll come out with it when she's good and ready.

All she really needs to know is that you're aware of her dampened mood, that she absolutely doesn't have to talk about with you unless she wants to, but just so that she knows...the door is always open. In the meantime, you just do your part to try to make her feel nice. Having a nice day/night out together for no other reason than to just be together with no pressure about wanting to know what's on her mind will do just fine. In my case, that kind of scenario would very likely open me right up for discussion anyway. As others have said, be honest, be yourself, leave the mind games alone (they inevitably make things worse), and what will be will be. Hope that helps!! Good luck 

tp....good to get the female perspective. good advice.

[RAcker]

What does she think about the whole Michael Jackson thing?  I kid.

Anyway, this thread is making me glad I am happily married and not in the game anymore. 

It's funny you say that, cause this thread has me feeling a similar way, but I'm exactly in the opposite situation as you.

I am not married, not engaged, I am in a relationship, but it's not incredibly serious.  By that I mean that everything with my girlfriend is very light and easy.  I am finally at a point after going through a lot of relationships (and getting hurt in a lot of them) that I've found the right kind of balance.  I really like my girlfriend a lot, and I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I know that I will never get myself involved in a relationship that has the potential to be consumed with drama or hurt me.  At least not in this stage of my life.

In some ways I'm missing out on letting myself get completely and utterly swept up by someone, you know that kind of love that makes you so happy but also turns you kind of crazy.  It's so satisfying yet makes you so uneasy.  I think I've just finally hit my stride in knowing exactly what I want, and right now, that is to be happy to be with someone, but not pressuring myself to feel like the person i'm with has to be "the one."  My current girlfriend fits into that mold really nicely.

I don't know, it's just interesting that we both had the same feeling from reading this thread, feeling great to be exactly where we're at, even though we're on opposite ends of the spectrum concerning our relationship status.

(C'mon, you have to admit you miss the good ol' days of being a bachelor, where anything could happen at any moment.  Any chance encounter could turn out to be the most important moment of your life.  Don't you...just a little bit?)

I've hit 10 years married now and there will always be things you miss about the single days.  But, man, the pros and cons argument always swings heavily in the direction of the "being married" category.  You just have to make sure you marry an angel like I did...that's all.

And no, she does not read this blog (as far as I know).

[LarBrd33]

First of all, If you have any of her stuff at your house, put it up on ebay for some pocket cash.  It will come in handy later on when you're out on the town buying drinks for beautiful babies looking to party.  Some folks would say you should toss all her stuff out on the lawn and/or light it on fire, but I fail to see how that benefits #1 (you) ...

Next I suggest you accuse her of cheating on you.  It works best if you actually convince yourself that she has in fact cheated on you.  Try to gauge her reaction, but regardless of her response you should accuse her of being super defensive and a triffling, two-timing pathological liar.... better yet... you should preemptively cheat on her just in case and then brag about your exploits as a means to coax an admission of guilt out of her.

But that's getting way too far ahead of ourselves... first thing first... make nice with her just long enough to take pictures and/or video of a scandalous nature with said girlfriend for later attempts at blackmail or just good ol fashioned payback.  You'll thank me later.

Just my two cents.

[Rondo2287]

Yo man, I dont know what I did to you, but everybody else here has at least tried to be helpful, and Im having a pretty rough time right now, I dont know why you find it necessary to be a jerk.

[LarBrd33]

"A pre-emptive breakup? This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.”

if you do that, you'll have so much hand you'll be coming out of your glove  

[LarBrd33]

Yo man, I dont know what I did to you, but everybody else here has at least tried to be helpful, and Im having a pretty rough time right now, I dont know why you find it necessary to be a jerk.

lol... I'm j/k Rondo.  Listen to everyone else.  There are some great ideas in this thread already.   It's gonna be fine, brotha.  You always have us here at celticsblog.  Who needs girls.

[connerhenry43]

"A pre-emptive breakup? This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.”

if you do that, you'll have so much hand you'll be coming out of your glove  

the greatest line ever uttered by a one-time appearance seinfeld character:

"and you're gonna need it."

[ACF]

Wow, four pages already.
 

[LarBrd33]

Rondo... honestly, though... It's only been 9 months, right?  Don't get too worked up about it.  You're only 22, right?  That's pretty young, brotha.  I don't suggest moving in with her.  Maybe you're too sensitive.  Maybe the excitement is gone.  Maybe you two just aren't compatible.  Who knows.  Could be anything.  Don't stress it.  Plenty of other girls out there.  I say you let the chips falls where they fall.  Worst-case scenario you break up and you get to sew your manly oats for a few years until you're ready for a serious relationship.  Btw... how old is the girl?  That's kinda relevant.  Is she some College kid?

[dark_lord]

i like where this is going....i will be checking it frequently for updates.  this has "jsaad girl drama" potential!

This is awesome, TP.

thx...and tp right back at u (just bc u rule, lol)