Girl Advice

[Rondo2287]

So My girlfriend of 9 months has become distant.  It seems like I am always the one texting or calling.  We have been talking about moving in together when she moves to boston full time for a job.(She is currently interning in boston)  She still talks about moving in together and is actively searching. 

The other day she was talking about how much she missed her family, because she is living in Boston for the summer and them living near binhamton NY.  I think this is what is behind her not being her usual self, especially around the holiday which she will be spending with me and my family instead of her own.

Any thoughts on either whether or not im looking to much into her being distant and its just a result of homesickness or how to remedy the homesickness without actually taking her home.(She doesnt have a car here and neither of us can afford to take time off work)

[Roy Hobbs]

A novel idea, but have you thought about talking to her about your relationship?

I don't think you're reading too much into things.  Any time you notice changes in a relationship, it's worth being concerned about.  If you detected a shift, I think it's good to question it.  I'd recommend talking it over with her, though, rather than making assumptions.

As for getting over homesickness, distractions could work; keep her busy.  If your phone plan doesn't allow for unlimited calls home, you may look into that.  Also, she should invite her family up there, and show them around the city.

Ultimately, though, if Boston just isn't for her (and it's not for everyone) you're going to be faced with some life decisions. 

Also, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you're experiencing distance in the relationship, I'm not sure this is the time to move in together.

[JSD]

How often are you guys hanging out right now? Are you two together everyday?

[Rondo2287]

its like 4 days a week right now

[Rondo2287]

and as for the not moving in together thing.  I have definitly thought about it, it wouldent be happening until February or March anyways, so its not like we are going to jump into it right away.  But ya, I hear what you are saying. 

But its just weird to because while I feel her getting distant, she was just like thursday, just show up and bring your GPS, im gonna enter in where we are going to dinner and it will be a surprise, and she found a movie theater for after. So thats why im so confused

[JSD]

and as for the not moving in together thing.  I have definitly thought about it, it wouldent be happening until February or March anyways, so its not like we are going to jump into it right away.  But ya, I hear what you are saying. 

Sounds kind of far away to be actively searching. Have you considered more short term goal like a road trip or a weekend getaway? 4 days a week isn't overdoing it but don't be afriad to extent that a bit. Allow yourself to miss her and her you. Her not calling or texting you is concerning. Is it possible she needs a little space?

[KG_ended_Bias]

With her distancing herself from you while being away from her family I dont think is a good thing. Her being away from her family should have actually improved you & her situation because you should or could be filling her void of feeling alone. So definitely talk with her about it & re-assure to her your worth in her life, because she is probably needing to feel that extra bit of love while being away from home. I have experienced the situation you are going through so I feel your uneasiness about the relationship.

[Rondo2287]

She does call, and text and stuff, but its usually just in response to my texts, I dunno I think im just overthinking things.  Thanks for the advice guys

[JSD]

She does call, and text and stuff, but its usually just in response to my texts, I dunno I think im just overthinking things.  Thanks for the advice guys

No one else will ask? Fine I will...

Have you considered not texting/calling her to see how long it would take her to get to you first? If not, why haven't you? Are you worried you will go the whole night without hearing from her? If that's the case your not over thinking anything. Do you feel she could be deceiving you?

[Rondo2287]

No, there is absolutely no chance that she is deceiving me, I know that for a fact.  And if i dont  text her she will text me.  So you think I should just start waiting for her to text first?  I was thinking that too, but I feel like with the homesickness thing it may be making her feel better that she has somebody checking in on her. 

[connerhenry43]

its like 4 days a week right now

is it ok for me to ask how old the two of you are?

[JSD]

A novel idea, but have you thought about talking to her about your relationship?

I don't think you're reading too much into things.  Any time you notice changes in a relationship, it's worth being concerned about.  If you detected a shift, I think it's good to question it.  I'd recommend talking it over with her, though, rather than making assumptions.

As for getting over homesickness, distractions could work; keep her busy.  If your phone plan doesn't allow for unlimited calls home, you may look into that.  Also, she should invite her family up there, and show them around the city.

Ultimately, though, if Boston just isn't for her (and it's not for everyone) you're going to be faced with some life decisions. 

Also, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you're experiencing distance in the relationship, I'm not sure this is the time to move in together.

Roy, you are like the Meredith Goldstein of Celticsblog   well done.

[dark_lord]

i like where this is going....i will be checking it frequently for updates.  this has "jsaad girl drama" potential!

[Prof. Clutch]

In terms of the homesickness thing, that is definitely one of the most common bonds between us all as humans.  We always have a special place in our hearts for where we came from, no matter where or how that place is.  I'm over in Barcelona at the moment, and even though this city is great, I still miss the familiarities of Boston and my family.  One thing I use to remedy that feeling is Skype.  I hate to plug a program right now, but skype is amazing.  If her family can get on to the internet in NY and you guys all download skype you can do a live video conference with them.  Sometimes it feels so great to be able to actually see and talk to the people you miss so much.

And though this may seem like odd advice, protect yourself.  I'm not saying you should do anything, but pondering over both the positive and negative possible outcomes may be a good idea.  I agree with Hobbs, talking with her would be the best thing to do, but making sure that you aren't left unexpectedly with a broken heart is also important.  In this life you only have yourself to lean on in reality, and you have to make sure that you are ready for anything when it comes to love (although you never mentioned love in your post.)  Just do whatever you can so here and now, as well as in the future, you minimize getting hurt.

That's my two cents at least.

[connerhenry43]

i like where this is going....i will be checking it frequently for updates.  this has "jsaad girl drama" potential!

just do not act like finn did when he moved in with meadow soprano. you will end up in a 100° apartment, and then end up in many awkward moments with Vito Spatafore.