Girl Advice

[JSD]

i know this is extremely simple, but could it maybe have something to do with all the clouds and rain that all of new england has had this summer? some people are really affected by poor weather and lack of sun...could be totally off on this one, but i'm hoping for the best for ya, and that seems like it could be a simple solution for being "in a funk". i know it can affect me socially and energy-wise at times.

This is a decent theory, I'm boarderline suicidle over here. Maybe your girl like alot of us just needs some summer.

[Rondo2287]

She said last night when I asked her, "ya I dunno, im in a funk, but i dont know why."

If the funk has lasted more than a week or 2, then she knows exactly what it is.  Truthfully, it is probably taking the next step in your relationship that she is worried about.  My girlfriend (now my wife) went through a funk for about 2 weeks or so once.  She wouldn't tell me exactly what was bothering her until she had a couple of adult beverages in her.  I'm not promoting getting your woman drunk, but if she feels more comfortable that you won't be angry or hurt by what she is feeling then she will be more willing to communicate about the reason for her funk.

So short version of the story, tell her that you are really concerned about her funk and that you want to listen to what she is feeling.  Tell her that you may not have the solution, but you at least want to be on the same page with her.

my 2 cents.

That could be it, but she is the one that has always been pushing forward the idea of us moving in together so maybe she is having some second thoughts.  On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.  Seriously though the Ithaca brewery has a summer ale that is called, "Partly Sunny" thats how grey the weather is lol

[RAcker]

What does she think about the whole Michael Jackson thing?  I kid.

Anyway, this thread is making me glad I am happily married and not in the game anymore. 

[screwedupmaniac]

you guys would never guess i'm studying mental health, would you?  

On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.  Seriously though the Ithaca brewery has a summer ale that is called, "Partly Sunny" thats how grey the weather is lol

well if she's never been affected by it before, then that probably rules out the SAD idea. i'd just talk to her man, take her out for dinner and treat her to a nice evening together, and just be real out of a place of genuinely caring about her.

[RAcker]

[Rondo2287]

Ya I Im going to see her tonight, so i'll talk to her tonight.  Hopefully this works out, if not at least i got some tommy points out of the thread.

[pengaloo]

you guys would never guess i'm studying mental health, would you?  

On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.  Seriously though the Ithaca brewery has a summer ale that is called, "Partly Sunny" thats how grey the weather is lol

well if she's never been affected by it before, then that probably rules out the SAD idea. i'd just talk to her man, take her out for dinner and treat her to a nice evening together, and just be real out of a place of genuinely caring about her.

That's what I thought about SAD too. I'm originally from southern California, I've been in Boston for 6 years now and was never affected by it even during the winters. This summer just seems different though.

Here's another idea - it might be homesickness, but maybe something's up with her family?

[Rondo2287]

you guys would never guess i'm studying mental health, would you?  

On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.  Seriously though the Ithaca brewery has a summer ale that is called, "Partly Sunny" thats how grey the weather is lol

well if she's never been affected by it before, then that probably rules out the SAD idea. i'd just talk to her man, take her out for dinner and treat her to a nice evening together, and just be real out of a place of genuinely caring about her.

That's what I thought about SAD too. I'm originally from southern California, I've been in Boston for 6 years now and was never affected by it even during the winters. This summer just seems different though.

Here's another idea - it might be homesickness, but maybe something's up with her family?

Ya she says she is homesick.  She also said, that shes been homesick for a while and recently she has been spending more time with my family because of fathers day and will be spending this holiday weekend with us, and she brought up the thought that spending time with my family makes her miss her family even more just because she is happy with my family but it reminds her of being home with hers.  So im thinking this weekend is gonna be tough

[blake]

That could be it, but she is the one that has always been pushing forward the idea of us moving in together so maybe she is having some second thoughts.  On the SAD front, I doubt that its seasonal affective disorder because we both go to Ithaca College which is notororiously grey and she has never had symptoms during the winter.  Seriously though the Ithaca brewery has a summer ale that is called, "Partly Sunny" thats how grey the weather is lol

This was during the time we were engaged.  She had been pushing for moving in together and marriage for the 2 previous years.  I'm not saying that this is definitely it, but don't rule it out.  She was also moving away from school, and with that all of her friends that she had been close with for the previous 4 years would now be dispersed among the country.  She was worried about assimilating into a new city (that she really liked) and making new friends, and me already being established in the city (for all of my life except for college)and having to be the new girl.

[Rondo2287]

Now didnt this distract all of you from the prospect of Rasheed?

[RAcker]

Now didnt this distract all of you from the prospect of Rasheed?

Not really.  All this talk about moving in together got me thinking about Sheed shacking up at KG's castle until he can find a place of his own.   

[nickagneta]

i like where this is going....i will be checking it frequently for updates.  this has "jsaad girl drama" potential!

Haha. Fortunitly there is no more drama for me. Just the bliss of marriage 

Once again Jsaad, you definitely married up....as the saying goes!!

[nickagneta]

Rondo, the best advice an old fart like me who's been with the same beautiful woman now for 27 years can give you is just be honest, open, and understanding. Talk to her. Let her know how you feel and how worried you are over what appears to be a change in her.

Ask if there's anything she wants to talk about.
Ask if there's something wrong.
Ask if there's any way you can help or if there's something you can do.

Listen carefully and then be sympathetic and understanding. Sometimes that means just keeping your mouth shut and giving her the space to work things out on her own. In the end, this approach will only get her to trust you more. And if it has something to do with ending the relationship, there's really nothing you can say that's going to fix things. It's something she has to feel and she would need to work that out on her own.

That might not be what you want to hear, but really, it's probably the best way to go.

[Prof. Clutch]

What does she think about the whole Michael Jackson thing?  I kid.

Anyway, this thread is making me glad I am happily married and not in the game anymore. 

It's funny you say that, cause this thread has me feeling a similar way, but I'm exactly in the opposite situation as you.

I am not married, not engaged, I am in a relationship, but it's not incredibly serious.  By that I mean that everything with my girlfriend is very light and easy.  I am finally at a point after going through a lot of relationships (and getting hurt in a lot of them) that I've found the right kind of balance.  I really like my girlfriend a lot, and I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I know that I will never get myself involved in a relationship that has the potential to be consumed with drama or hurt me.  At least not in this stage of my life.

In some ways I'm missing out on letting myself get completely and utterly swept up by someone, you know that kind of love that makes you so happy but also turns you kind of crazy.  It's so satisfying yet makes you so uneasy.  I think I've just finally hit my stride in knowing exactly what I want, and right now, that is to be happy to be with someone, but not pressuring myself to feel like the person i'm with has to be "the one."  My current girlfriend fits into that mold really nicely.

I don't know, it's just interesting that we both had the same feeling from reading this thread, feeling great to be exactly where we're at, even though we're on opposite ends of the spectrum concerning our relationship status.

(C'mon, you have to admit you miss the good ol' days of being a bachelor, where anything could happen at any moment.  Any chance encounter could turn out to be the most important moment of your life.  Don't you...just a little bit?)

[connerhenry43]

What does she think about the whole Michael Jackson thing?  I kid.

Anyway, this thread is making me glad I am happily married and not in the game anymore. 

i ws thinking the same thing. i have been married for almost 5 years but this topic and conversation brought me back.

just be honest and be yourself. corny, yes, simple, yes, but that is all you can do.