the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger?
also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.
It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that. Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.
I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had. Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.
This is a great perspective to point out. My Dad is 70, I’m 40. We had a challenging relationship when I was growing up. He’s very type A personality, clean and obsessively neat, has to have things his way, done his way, and nobody ever does it right unless he does it himself. He’s great if you’re training for baseball or wrestling, but hell to live with if you’re trying to find your own way when you’re becoming an adult. He has a classic 1970s car, still to this day, I’ve never driven it. I’ve driven my uncles 71 Nova, but not his car.
Things settled down with us a bit once we weren’t living under the same roof anymore but it took about another 7-10 years after that for the tension to finally dissolve. We’d all be drunk at family reunions and he’d come up and say he loved me and was proud of me and then walk away lol. Quitting baseball is something he’s never really forgiven me for, but I’ve told him I regret it which seems good enough for him. I’ve also said to him and my mom that I was sorry that I was so difficult to live with when I was growing up and that I just didn’t know how to manage my emotions then.
And now finally to tie in your point. He hasn’t once acknowledged or apologized for his role in the fights we use to have, how awful it was to try and live up to his expectations, and how hurtful it was to prioritize possessions over your kids feelings. Sometimes this stuff comes up and he acts confused and has no memory of certain events happening and I have to privately ask my mom about it to confirm that I’m not crazy haha.
For the most part it’s all been buried. Him telling me he loves me and is proud is enough, and I don’t think I’ll get much more and that’s ok. We have a good relationship now and can enjoy a few beers together and go see a baseball game. Judging from some responses on this thread I should be thankful he said this stuff to me with enough time to move past it and enjoy each other, instead of it happening so close to the end.
All you can do is your best, if you gotta go 70 and they only want to go 30, then it is what it is, focus on the positive relationship you can have right now
I wrote a lot. Sorry. I guess some of that was selfishly therapeutic