I usually just roll my eyes at the typically terrible coverage of the Celtics in the local Boston media. The coverage is just astoundingly bad. But tonight, when I was watching Sports Tonight on CSN, its badness reached for and attained a new stratosphere.
To recap and analyze the Celtics' draft, CSN rolled out an all-star basketball panel of Marc Bertrand, Dalen Cuff, Lou Merloni, and everyone's favorite, Dan Shaughnessy.
The ten minute conversation these men had was a true feat of tired tropes, a perfectly executed ballet of Celtic complainy-pants cliches. It was so astounding in its perfection that I was compelled to DVR the segment and share with you some of the key points made.
Bertrand: "We know the Celtics' track record in free agency. It's not strong when you're talking about franchise-altering players. It's not a place that players want to go… Scary looking forward."
Gotta love this one! Good we got that one out of the way in the first 8 seconds. When have the Celtics ever had the cap space to sign a big time player? But let's not let this detail get in the way of this oldie-but-goodie.
Bertrand: "It's not a good spot for them [over the next few years], which is if this is how they have to build, meaning the middle of the first round, or later half of the first round, that's not an easy task."
And then, a matter of seconds later...
Cuff: "That trade that [Danny] pulled off before [to get Garnett], that biggest part was Al Jefferson... There was an asset that people wanted… You've gotta stick your stake in the ground [and say], 'OK we've got a guy we know can play, and know we can put some picks around'."
Al Jefferson was picked at #15, you f***ing morons! That's the very definition of the the middle of the draft that you say is so treacherous. Sheesh. But let's move on.
Shaughnessy: "If they're gonna draft players and say it's about the draft, then don't win games. Be Philadelphia."
I guess I wasn't watching when the Celtics held a press conference to "say it's about the draft", shoot. I had no idea. Anyway, are you aware of the sh** that's going down in Philadelphia, Shaughnessy? It's not exactly unicorns and show ponies over there.
Bertrand: "At least somebody wants Smart. Nobody wants Rozier."
How the f*** would you know? Because some d****bag's mock draft said so? No one wants him, really? Good grief, at least wait to let the kid take off his chlorine-soaked suit before we declare him dead weight.
Shaughnessy: "Why would you want to come here?… I believe the coach is a disincentive. Cause guys don't want to work this hard. It's too hard to come here. You're not gonna win, and you have to work your ass off for 82 games, no one wants that."
This was the crown jewel of the evening. Gotta love the curly haired boyfriend, zigging when everyone else is zagging, telling us the real truth. Stevens isn't a basketball coaching savant who never loses his cool, is a master at motivating young athletes, and treats his players with respect. No, he's the conductor from Whiplash. Who'd want to come here? Let's all murder ourselves.
Seriously, we all need to step back. Our team was basically .500 last year, we've got a boatload of good young talent, a truckload of cap space, one of the league's best coaches, a potential goldmine of upcoming draft picks, and some handy trade exceptions. What are we all so upset about?
Besides, we'll always have Shaughnessy...
Topic: Something truly magical happened on CSNNE tonight (Read 817 times)