Here we go:
Funny Man:
Joey Gladstone, Full House
Wild Card:
Captain Hank Murphy, Sealab 2021
Alf: Hey, Paulie, pass me that magazine...if you...WOULD.
(
pauses, looks around expectantly)
Alf: I said, if you ...WOULD...
Paulie: Hey aardvark, what the ___ are you talking about? I don't see no magazine.
Willie: It's just, they're doing a bit. We're just waiting for the idiot and that puppet.
(
pauses, more expectant glances)
(
plane crashes, Launchpad walks out)
Alf: Whoa! You're not Uncle Joey!
Launchpad: Bad news, everyone! Uncle Joey piled those kids he's not really related to into his conversion van and went upstate! There's an Amber Alert out for all of them! According to the wire reports, this story is really ...
taking off.
Willie: This is literally, the least surprising thing, I've heard all day.
Alf: Whoa! (eats cat, falls down, mugs to camera)
(
Miles away, in a Crown Victoria driving up Rt. 10)
Hank: This "Uncle Joey," we've got a case file on him a mile long. Aliases include "Ranger Joe," "Professor Egghead," "the Rush Hour Renegade," "Uncle Suspicious," and "Bullwinkle J. Idiot." He is considered to be on the run with his accomplice, a talking woodchuck puppet plucked from the nightmares of the children he abducts.
Dean Pelton: An anthropomorphic puppet you say? I hope this doesn't awaken anything inside of me...
Hank: The last partner I had could not think in sentences that were longer than three words. And yet, somehow, you are worse. Jesus christ, Marie.
(meanwhile, under the sea)
Capt. Murphy: (
watches Chopper Dave)