Young Dude Who Could Use Some Relationship Advice

[Rodan45]

So here's the deal:

I'm 22, about to graduate college real soon. Been dating this girl for 3 years, that I met in high school. We have awesome chemistry and s-e-x, and generally she is top notch wife material.

However I sometimes feel like i'm missing out by not being single. When I tell that to dudes that don't really know me they always say "ah man just get F'd up and slam some biddy." Thing is though, I'm real choosy with my women, don't like s-l-u-t-s, and despite being extroverted and confident, I don't like the party scene.

I wouldn't say I'm at a fork in the road quite yet, I love my girl and she's relatively drama free and has a good heart, but I can't help but wonder if what I'm doing by being in a long term relationship while we both attended different colleges and are really busy (me with a career soon) is a good move, or whether I'm being emotionally manipulated into it.

I don't have oneitis, I just know what I got is good, and it isn't the prospect of something better being out there that's getting me to think like this, but just sort of a self examination of my decisions.


So, any thoughts on the matter?   

[BigAlTheFuture]

Break up with her and you'll regret it down the road. You seem like you have a good thing here. You even said it yourself she's wifey material.

You also didn't specify what exactly you're "missing out" on.

[GreenFaith1819]

I was in similar situation back when I was young-ish.

17 years (and growing) later.......

Pray about it, Man.

Even being married for that long, we've still had disagreements. But she's my best friend to this day, and a good mother.

If you two LAUGH together, then that's a good start.

[colincb]

So here's the deal:

I'm 22, about to graduate college real soon. Been dating this girl for 3 years, that I met in high school. We have awesome chemistry and s-e-x, and generally she is top notch wife material.

However I sometimes feel like i'm missing out by not being single. When I tell that to dudes that don't really know me they always say "ah man just get F'd up and slam some biddy." Thing is though, I'm real choosy with my women, don't like s-l-u-t-s, and despite being extroverted and confident, I don't like the party scene.

I wouldn't say I'm at a fork in the road quite yet, I love my girl and she's relatively drama free and has a good heart, but I can't help but wonder if what I'm doing by being in a long term relationship while we both attended different colleges and are really busy (me with a career soon) is a good move, or whether I'm being emotionally manipulated into it.

I don't have oneitis, I just know what I got is good, and it isn't the prospect of something better being out there that's getting me to think like this, but just sort of a self examination of my decisions.


So, any thoughts on the matter?   

You're missing out on going to bed by yourself more often.

[staticcc]

If you feel really strong about missing out on the single life, be honest with her and tell her that. I was 21 and in a four-year relationship when I felt what you are feeling now. I told her up front that I really wanted to explore and try out the single life (The difference here is she also kind of wanted to "explore" so that made it easier). So I did that, went around the block, increased my pitch count if you will, and had no regrets.

She did her thing as well and even had a 2-year relationship with another guy. At some point, we ran into each other and I realized I've never loved anyone as much as I did her. So after all the exploring, I asked her out when I found out she was single again. I guess we just both felt like we were going to end up together eventually. That's exactly what happened; we're now married. *Mind you, in between those years after we broke up and running into each other, she rarely entered my mind. It was not like I was thinking about her day and night while scoring other chicks. So if I didn't run into her, I'll probably be somewhere in South America today buying girls margaritas.*

I'm not saying the same exact thing will happen to you but I've always believed that before you can truly know that you want that one single person, you have to experience what it's like to be with other people as well (emotionally and physically). Then when you do realize it's her you really want, you go back to her. If not, then you go on with life. Of course, she has to realize you're also the one she wants which may not happen at all. That is the risk you're taking.

I guess to cut it short (not that this post isn't long enough as it is lol), just do what you feel like is right for YOU, not HER or anyone else. (Just don't cheat. You can break up. Bang all the chicks you want to then go back. But don't cheat, you'll lose out when/if she finds out. But if you're part of that new-school thinking that cheating isn't really to be frowned at anymore, go ahead.) So much more will happen from when you're 22 until the time you realize you want to settle down. But if you decide to stay with her, I wish you luck as well.

[KG Living Legend]

 Whats Up Dude, I'll tell you a little secret. That's every mans problem. We always think that we can do a little better. The grass is always greener on the other side if the fence. Your still young and you met her really young. How many serious relationships have you been in?
 If she's drama free that don't push her away. The secrets to relationships is growth. If your both growing and learning from each other than it works. If one person feels held back by the other than a problem awaits.

 I do give you a Man pass to explore another girl, but only if it's the perfect situation and you know you won't get caught. Also you could go on a Vacation and hook up with some hotties. Because to me it sounds like you need to sew your wild oats. Which is perfectly normal for someone your age.

 Did that help....

[LarBrd33]

Dp

[SHAQATTACK]

Last piece of advice... don't listen to me...  I'm an idiot.

Here is a post I can finally agree with you on....

TP

[Future Celtics Owner]

We all can tell your probably a nice guy and care about her a lot. But if your asking the question on here....then maybe you don't need our advice. 

You only go through this stage in your life once.....just do not hurt the girl if you break up.

[hwangjini_1]

What is it about Celticsblog and guys seeking relationship advice?  Seems like every couple months someone asks some variation of the same question. 

Anyways... my answer typically is move on and experience dating.  In general, I feel like 22 is way too young to settle down.  What's the chances you meet the ideal girl for you in high school?  Pretty slim.  But I have a bias...

... it's best to split it off rather than reluctantly get married as a naive 22 year old and inevitably divorced some years later.

Last piece of advice... don't listen to me...  I'm an idiot.

And a point to keep in mind for all young males is that the prefrontal cortex on males does not normally develop until we reach 25 years old. What is the PFC? It is that part of the brain that guides, allows rational, mature decision making as opposed to emotionally based decision making.

That is, until around 25, most male are really functionally similar to being a child in decision making.  that certainly explained a lot to me on my behavior then. 

In short, don't get too upset or rash, you will mess up many times in life, but you will eventually get it right.... Especially after getting your brain fully developed.

[Sketch5]

It sounds like your girl is a keeper. If you're saying you have chemistry, and you could see her being your wife, than make it so.

You seem like a level headed dude. You don't seem like some one that wants to just sleep around. Since you said that you your not into easy woman and the party scene. I'm very much the same way. I missed out on what could have been good when I was a little younger than you because I thought the same thing.

I then met some one, who with in 6 months thought the same thing, she wanted to test the waters.

But because I didn't hit the bars night in and night out, all my friends were with people that they ended up marring, it took about 6 years before I finally met some one I could settle down with.

While yeah, you have the moments of, "I wonder",  building a life is a whole different adventure. I know right now this sounds scary, but having a kid makes it worth settling down. On most day's anyways. LOL!

I ran into that girl about a year ago. I was with my daughter. She was with hers. But in her case she was divorced because she got knocked up why testing the waters and the guy ended up being a deadbeat. She also said her breaking up with me was a huge regret, but she was happy I found some one I could lean on.

I would say, if you're not already, move in together, live your live like a married couple. Get into fights about money, whos cooking tonight, who turn it is to clean the bathroom,ect, and can come out still loving this girl, then it where you should be. Noting says you have to marry her right out of school, enjoy a year together, go on vacation. Look back and see if you would want to do it over and over again, and with kids. Then consider marriage if it's a yes.

Just because you might have an itch, and your friends say you should do some thing about it, it might cause more issue in the long run. Not an easy decision, but I'm glad not to be in that position any more, and next summer celebrating my 10th anniversary.   

[Clench123]

What i see here is people asking you to settle just because she's convenient.  And it seems to me that you are a oneitis even though you said you're not.  You are young, dude.  Too young to be thinking about settling down.  I would keep her but since both of you are too busy with your own thing most of the time, try keeping two or three dips around.  They call it CHEATING, I call it relieving stress or playing the field.

[obnoxiousmime]

You gotta boil it all down to the essentials.  It's like Cube says - life ain't nothing but Edited.  Profanity and masked profanity are against forum rules and may result in discipline.es and money.

Jay (Chasing Amy)

[celticsfan8591]

The short answer is that no one here can make this decision for you, only you know how you feel about your girlfriend.  I agree with some of the other posters that the fact that you're posting on here about it suggests to me that you might not be as happy with her as you indicate in your post, but you're the only one qualified to say whether that's true. I can tell you that I went through a similar situation last year.  I was in a relationship with a girl who had no major red flags, was really nice to me, intelligent, attractive, and really loved me.  Despite all that, I wasn't all that happy with her and frequently found myself wondering whether or not I can do better.  It wasn't that we fought much or I was really unhappy, but she was just kind of there.  I ended up breaking up with her, and even though as a single person I haven't gotten nearly as many girls as I thought I would  I have no regrets.  I realize now that she did have some problems (not that confident, put me on a pedestal, etc.) that bothered me, but I overlooked them because she was good on paper and it's not easy to find people who check all the boxes you have for a girlfriend AND likes you back.  The main thing I learned is that whether you love someone isn't determined by the sum of their attributes.  I think the idea of "wife material" is stupid, just because someone has things about her that would make her a good wife, it doesn't mean she would be a good wife for you.  If you think these feelings will pass and you're really happy with your girlfriend then that's great, I'm happy for you and you should keep dating her.  If you aren't that happy, even if there isn't an obvious reason why, you're too young to resign yourself to a mediocre relationship for the rest of your life. 

To use a basketball analogy, my relationship was like the Jrue Holiday/Andre Iguodala/Thaddeus Young 76ers teams.  I blew it up and, even though I haven't found  my Embiid/Wiggins/Parker yet, I think I made the right decision.  If your relationship is like the Thunder, don't end it just because it's not 100% perfect/you haven't won a championship.  If you don't think you can win a championship with your current roster then by all means blow it up.  Just know that you might have to suffer a few tough rebuilding seasons before you're a contender again.

[greg683x]

a huge reason why so many marriages fail these days.  You settle down and get married too young, then you get to sit and watch all your boys, or girls (depending on which gender you are) go out to bars every weekend, hooking up with rando's, and enjoying their 20's.  Meanwhile, all you can do is sit back and watch because youre 22 and already married,  never having had the experience of just being able to cut loose with your friends.

Odds are the girl youre with is a great girl and a good one to settle down with.  but if youre on here asking this question, it seems like youre looking for someone to tell you its ok to break up with her.