The Silent Treatment Approach (Relationships, Friendships)

[JSD]

I find this to be an effective approach to dealing with a friend or loved one that has disappointed me. People talk too much nowadays. Talk is cheap. Words mean nothing. You know when some pretty obvious stuff can be said but you just kinda let the silence say it? That's what I'm talking about. I've grown tired of the drinking, the drama, the doing of stupid dangerous things.

Does anyone else use this approach to get a message across?

[PhoSita]

I think non-communication is always tempting, rather than confrontation.  In my experience, though, non-communication rarely does the work that actual communication ought to be doing.

[fitzhickey]

If I get mad at someone I'm usually too vocal about it. But if I try and prove a point the silent treatment can be very effective

[JSD]

That's my problem too. I've always been too vocal. Not anymore. For now on if someone let's me down they're not going to hear about it.

[JSD]

I don't know if it's an age thing, but I literally cannot stand being around people that revolve their lives around alcohol. I don't really like bars. I can't stand stupidity. Drinking usually leads to stupidity. Now don't get me wrong, having a few beers watching the game is fine. But what's the point in having more than 4-6 beers in a night once or twice a week? An excuse to act stupid and cause drama?

[PhoSita]

That's my problem too. I've always been too vocal. Not anymore. For now on if someone let's me down they're not going to hear about it.

The trouble is, somebody might let you down without realizing that they've fallen short of an expectation you had for them, since you're not going to tell them about it.  How then can they correct their behavior?

[apc]

I once gave my wife the silent sex treatment (no sex until she begs for it) I think it took her a month before she realized I was trying something.    
(I hope I didn't break any forum rules with sex word)

[Ogaju]

lol @ yall.

As far as the silent treatment it depends on the dynamic of the relationship. I have found that when you sleep on what you think is an issue you tend to find out it was not the big deal you thought it was when you were fuming.

As far as withholding from your wife, lol. You will never win that battle.

[celticdog]

I dont think the silent treatment works.  It just causes resentment and does not address the issue.  Having said that it is sometimes a good idea to let things relax a little before an issue is broached.

I think words do matter.  We all know when someone is having a "hard" conversation with us but being respectful and a good listener.  We also know when someone is having a conversation with us that is geared towards their agenda and has manipulation/hostility involved. 

In my experience all my healthy relationships have been largely with good communicators.

As someone who has been a loud mouth with a drinking problem I agree that people like I was back then are to be avoided until they clean up their act. 

[clover]

I think neither the silent treatment, nor drinking, drama or doing dangerous things is the answer.

There are more mature ways to handle relationships of all kinds.

[Roy H.]

I think neither the silent treatment, nor drinking, drama or doing dangerous things is the answer.

There are more mature ways to handle relationships of all kinds.

That's my thought, too.  I'm totally on board with being fed up by immature things like drinking and drama.  I'm not sure, though, that the answer to that is to engage in a different type of immaturity.  "The silent treatment" is just another relationship game.

[slamtheking]

I think neither the silent treatment, nor drinking, drama or doing dangerous things is the answer.

There are more mature ways to handle relationships of all kinds.

That's my thought, too.  I'm totally on board with being fed up with being fed up by immature things like drinking and drama.  I'm not sure, though, that the answer to that is to engage in a different type of immaturity.  "The silent treatment" is just another relationship game.

completely agree.  I don't get the purpose of all that stuff.  just deal with the issue.

[Fafnir]

I think neither the silent treatment, nor drinking, drama or doing dangerous things is the answer.

There are more mature ways to handle relationships of all kinds.

That's my thought, too.  I'm totally on board with being fed up with being fed up by immature things like drinking and drama.  I'm not sure, though, that the answer to that is to engage in a different type of immaturity.  "The silent treatment" is just another relationship game.

Agreed. Its fine to collect your thoughts for a bit before addressing an issue, but "the silent treatment" is just manipulating the other persons expectations of interaction to put you at a power advantage. Human beings as a whole cannot stand having no social interaction, it makes us literally crazy in the long run and is very stressful in the short run.

If you really are fed up with a person's behavior and nothing changes if you talk about it, then disengage from that relationship. Not as "punishment" for them, but just accept that the behavior makes the relationship unworkable and move on.

[D.o.s.]

I don't know if it's an age thing, but I literally cannot stand being around people that revolve their lives around alcohol. I don't really like bars. I can't stand stupidity. Drinking usually leads to stupidity. Now don't get me wrong, having a few beers watching the game is fine. But what's the point in having more than 4-6 beers in a night once or twice a week? An excuse to act stupid and cause drama?

Not all heavy drinkers turn into hammered emotional wrecks. 

[mgent]

I find this to be an effective approach to dealing with a friend or loved one that has disappointed me. People talk too much nowadays. Talk is cheap. Words mean nothing. You know when some pretty obvious stuff can be said but you just kinda let the silence say it? That's what I'm talking about. I've grown tired of the drinking, the drama, the doing of stupid dangerous things.

Does anyone else use this approach to get a message across?

Everything in moderation. 

Once you're past your limit, severing ties can sometimes be the only effective option.  However, I think the things you listed are only that drastic of a problem in a very tiny percent of relationships/friendships.  You should make clear where you stand ahead of time and then not be a doormat.

I'd guess with the vast majority relationship/friend problems the silent treatment is a horrible way of dealing.  In fact it's not dealing; it's a cop out.  Talking through it is the only way to ensure there's no misunderstanding and to reduce the chance of it happening again.  A relationship is like a running machine, it requires maintenance.