"One time me and Derek Fisher were hanging out, spying on our neighbors when we see this local politician getting fresh with this lady. So like normal, I take out my pellet gun and shoot him in the butt. We find the guy the next day in a garbage can, and since we won't want to be linked to the murder, we hide the body. Suddenly we were swept up in this giant conspiracy to improperly dispose of toxic waste! Golf clap!"-Shaquille O'Neal