I watched as Ric Bucher opened the sixth seal.
There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red, and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as late figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind.
The sky receded like a scroll, rolling up, and every mountain and island was removed from its place.
Then the GMs of the earth, the owners, the fans, the capologists, and every blogger and every established media representative hid in caves and among the rocks of the mountains.
They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of LeBron!
For the great day of wrath has come, and who can stand?"