Dating question.

[fairweatherfan]

I think most of the advice here is spot-on.  Just remember, dating is like shooting free throws - the more you consciously think about how to do it right, the worse your percentages will get.  Overthink it too much and you risk developing a long-term complex that'll hurt you everytime you step up to the line.  If you weren't born a Ray Allen, try to at least be a Karl Malone*, and no matter what, don't let yourself become a Nick Anderson*.

Now that I've choked that metaphor to death, just try to go with the flow and act naturally - if she digs it, great; if not, any relationship you could've BSed your way into would've likely ended poorly anyway.  Either way, any experience is good experience so long as you learn from it.

*if this doesn't make sense, look at their year-by-year shooting, and Game 1 of the 95 Finals.

[Reggie's Ghost]

Man, between the concern and intensity implied in your OP and the fact that you fancy her as "very, very attractive" i.e in your mind out of your league, this has got bad news written all over it.

I can't hope to give you better advice than others already have here, at face value there really isn't anything further to add other than to follow up with her as she explicitly directed you to.  I can say this, all this trying to understand "what women are thinking" or what "anyone" is thinking for that matter, is like trying to ice skate uphill.  The best advice I can offer is to play the hand that's been dealt and remember to get the hell out of fates way and let it do it's thing.  Be relaxed, be the best of yourself, be the guy who belongs at this lady's side, and know above all that the rest is out of your hands.

If you two are a good match, one that would be fulfilling in the long run, then you are BOTH lucky to be spending time with each other...

[celticsclay]

Tell her you might be pretty tied up with the pick two draft thread this week, and maybe you can slip her in your schedule next week. However, make no promises cause you may be tired from staying up to watch the celtics on the west coast.

[thirstyboots18]

Ok.  From the female point of view.  She invited you to call or text her...do it.  So you were not an octopus on your first date...this is in your favor, definitely.   Go someplace fun on your second date.  Take it slow (she seems interested) and the worst you will end up with is a new friend.  Best case scenario, new girlfriend, confidante.

[SquishPCfriar]

Sounds like she may be interested to me.  Give her a call on wednesday or thursday rather than texting her because it shows that you are more interested.  I would not recommend a very romantic restaurant because it might be overwhelming but definitely ask her out to dinner again or a movie.  And if that goes well, bring her some flowers on sunday for valentines day.  It seems like she is eager to go on another date with you judging by her comment about being around this weekend and wanting you to call her.

[hwangjini_1]

Hey, everyone,

So last night, I took a very, very attractive young lady out on a date.  It wasn't anything big, or over the top.  We went out for a couple drinks, some food & then went to Dave & Busters for some games.  I had a very nice time, as I believe she did as well.  We talked a lot, as there wasn't any real pause or awkward silence.  We talked about our interests, musical tastes, the fact that we both enjoy science/medicine, as I work in a biochemistry lab & she is a recent college grad in the field.  So I sensed that we definitely have a little good chemistry from the get go.  The night ended, and we were walking out of D&B.  We had met one another there, so I walked her to her car & I didn't make a move, ie kiss or anything like that, I guess I was a bit nervous...typical me.  I told her I had a nice time & looked forward to seeing her again.  She said, "Definitely.  Call or text me this weekend, I should be around."

So, to me, as I'm sure to many, many guys, I am extremely terrible at understanding females.  A) How should I play this situation out, now that she & I have gone on a date. B) Did my date end on a good note, even though I didn't make a move?  Any advice is welcome.  Thanks in advance.

geez louise guys. this is neither rocket science nor a complex love novel... at least not yet. 

first, congrats on meeting someone nice.

second, a few dates with ANYONE means nothing more than just that. a few dates with someone and you like one another so far. again, this is a good thing.

finally, i suggest you ask her out again and be sure to NOT push too hard. it takes people time to build up trust and that is pretty much what she is doing right now. if she turns you down, life goes on.

maybe think this way... it is only dating. each date you learn something new about her and she learns more about you.

maybe take her to a variety of places so both of you can see each other in a range of situations.

if everything works, wonderful. if not, then such is life and you move on knowing you acted nicely towards another human being. that is not bad.

and then start again. good luck.

[Neurotic Guy]

I haven't dated in 25 years, so take this with a very small grain of salt:

I learned -- but only retrospectively -- that the women who were 'right' for me were the one's I was truly comfortable with early on.  I can remember, when I found someone really attractive, fooling myself into thinking I was comfortable even in the times when I knew that I really wasn't.  But, I learned that it wasn't about her level of attractiveness that mattered (although I ruled out many women based on looks), but the degree of ease at which I felt in her presence.  Fact is, if you are comfortable, the likelihood is that she is also (and if she isn't, she'll just say no).  Be honest with yourself -- if you really think you were at ease with this woman, then approach it that way -- call her believing that you'll continue the calm, easy rapport you already began.
 
Doesn't matter that she is great looking -- if you are a basket case around her, it probably won't work.  If you were as comfortable and natural as you seemed to convey in your post, then I think you have a great shot at a second date. If it's a 'go', do something that you think is fun -- you are more likely to show a calm, positive side, and you'll see whether the things you think are fun are things she thinks are fun.  Best of luck!

[Drucci]

I think most of the advice here is spot-on.  Just remember, dating is like shooting free throws - the more you consciously think about how to do it right, the worse your percentages will get.  Overthink it too much and you risk developing a long-term complex that'll hurt you everytime you step up to the line.  If you weren't born a Ray Allen, try to at least be a Karl Malone*, and no matter what, don't let yourself become a Nick Anderson*.

Now that I've choked that metaphor to death, just try to go with the flow and act naturally - if she digs it, great; if not, any relationship you could've BSed your way into would've likely ended poorly anyway.  Either way, any experience is good experience so long as you learn from it.

*if this doesn't make sense, look at their year-by-year shooting, and Game 1 of the 95 Finals.

Awesome metaphor, TP!

Plus, it really makes senses in a way so well done.

[youcanthandlethetruth113]

Hey, everyone,

So last night, I took a very, very attractive young lady out on a date.  It wasn't anything big, or over the top.  We went out for a couple drinks, some food & then went to Dave & Busters for some games.  I had a very nice time, as I believe she did as well.  We talked a lot, as there wasn't any real pause or awkward silence.  We talked about our interests, musical tastes, the fact that we both enjoy science/medicine, as I work in a biochemistry lab & she is a recent college grad in the field.  So I sensed that we definitely have a little good chemistry from the get go.  The night ended, and we were walking out of D&B.  We had met one another there, so I walked her to her car & I didn't make a move, ie kiss or anything like that, I guess I was a bit nervous...typical me.  I told her I had a nice time & looked forward to seeing her again.  She said, "Definitely.  Call or text me this weekend, I should be around."

So, to me, as I'm sure to many, many guys, I am extremely terrible at understanding females.  A) How should I play this situation out, now that she & I have gone on a date. B) Did my date end on a good note, even though I didn't make a move?  Any advice is welcome.  Thanks in advance.

Dear OP,

Sounds like you did great. You

a) had a good night (presumably so did she)
b) walked her to her car (like a gentleman)
c) didn't make a move (like a gentleman)

She left the ball in your court saying "call or text".

As one posted already mentioned, I'd definitely call her to set up date #2, and THEN text her from that call onwards up until the 2nd date (telling her how excited you are etc...).

You should plan for the exact same experience re: date #2 but if you like her, which it sounds like you do, then you SHOULD GO IN FOR A KISS. If she's still there at the end of date #2 believe it or not she actually WANTS you to make a move.

DO NOT WAIT to call her to set that date up. It is pointless and only has her questioning your thoughts about her and your time together thus far.

So, lead her like The Truth, be smooth like Ray during the date, protect her like KG, watch out for Edited.  Profanity and masked profanity are against forum rules and may result in discipline.bags with Rondo-esque vision, Knock down that kiss like Eddie, but smile more than Perk.

[greg683x]

I agree with everyone else.  Call this weekend.....dont text it reeks of insecurity.

One thing I always do to find out if girls are mutually interested is once the lines of communication are open and youre talking on a regular basis, I'd always not call or talk to the girl for a few days and see if she tries to contact you.  It kind of lets you know that shes thinking about you as much as you are her.  It'll be a nice confidence boost for you.

[BASS_THUMPER]

the "i should be around" part bothers me....

she may not be around...call her once..and if she says "im busy" put the ball in her court and tell her to call u when she has time..if she dont call or u dont hear from her let it go..

[Celtics Insider]

Personally I don't trouble myself with trying to figure out women.

The way you typed the response, she sounded like she seems interested.  So do what she said "Call or text."  I'd definitely call rather than text, more personal.

[PaulPierce34G]

I'd like to thank you all for your input.  I'm going to give her a call tomorrow & put an offer on the table for getting together again over the weekend.  If she takes it right off the bat then obviously that is a good sign.  If she says, "yeah, that sounds good, just let me figure out my weekend.", or something to that effect, then I'll just leave it in her hands & not hound her or anything..  Definitely won't go the texting route on this one & hopefully it'll play out in a well fashioned manner.  I'll let you all know, lol.  Again, thanks to all who had input.

[BigAlTheFuture]

Git at that. Haha, sorry, that sounded really immature of me. But yeah man, go for it. She seems like she's interested in you. I don't see why you wouldn't want to ask her out on a second date.

[PaulPierce34G]

Figured that I should give an update after all the advice that was given yesterday.

I gave her a call around 5 pm.  However, I reached voicemail..I left a msg stating that I had a very nice time & that I wanted to take her out again over the weekend.  So far, no response & it is currently 10:38 EST.  As some of you said, ad lib, "whatever will be, will be...don't go nuts and text or call 3,4,5 times" And I agree with it.  I put the ball in her court & that's where it is at the current moment.  Hopefully, I get it passed back tomorrow.