My First Foray Into Rap (please tell me what you think)

[SalmonAndMashedPotatoes]

Hey Rondo-is-Better,

Good effort.  With rap, you either have it or don't--you have it, now it's a matter of refinement.

Just one man's opinion and tastes do vary so take it with a grain of salt, but I think you'd be better served to speak in your grown man's voice, the one that comes from the back of your throat, the one that commands and demands to be heard...right now, your voice, to me, sounds nasal and monotone, coming from the top of your mouth where there's hardly any power...and so, even when you say cool things, the tone of your voice undercuts it...watch your breath too, you seem to be running out of air towards the flow-end...breath and flow are interconnected, but your flow seems to be working against your breath on occasion. Practice placing attention on the power of your breath when you rap--it's a physical, whole-body thing--it starts below your belly button and when it's going strong it's like a column of air from your waist to your mouth.  When you can produce that column of air consistently, you'll always command attention and be listened to--even if what you're saying isn't that important, the power will still come through and overpower your literal meaning.

You have a good sense of time--but I'd spend some more time thinking about how one rhythmic motive leads into its variation.  Right now, I sense too much randomness in your rhythmic ideas--they don't seem to connect very well, which causes the lyrical ideas to get lost. Rhythm should be used as a connector between what came before and what's coming up, there's should be a question/answer dichotomy happening on some level, and ideally it can be used it to underscore what you're talking about...long notes are tied to meaning, short notes are tied to feeling...

Keep practicing, keep moving upwards, and you'll be alright.

[NextCeltic34]

That was bad.

[Rondo_is_better]

That was bad.

If  you're going to criticize, please offer reasons so I can improve on the things that need work.

BY THE WAY:

new production is up. This one is not freestyle.

http://belgianman.com/songs/37/display

I remastered this track a little after hearing some opinions of people here (as well as others). Please take a listen.

[Finkelskyhook]

That was bad.

If  you're going to criticize, please offer reasons so I can improve on the things that need work.

BY THE WAY:

new production is up. This one is not freestyle.

http://belgianman.com/songs/37/display

I remastered this track a little after hearing some opinions of people here (as well as others). Please take a listen.

The lyrics are sickening...As Roy said, sterotypical.

[Rondo_is_better]

That was bad.

If  you're going to criticize, please offer reasons so I can improve on the things that need work.

BY THE WAY:

new production is up. This one is not freestyle.

http://belgianman.com/songs/37/display

I remastered this track a little after hearing some opinions of people here (as well as others). Please take a listen.

The lyrics are sickening...As Roy said, sterotypical.

I'm not going to debate that. I know they are.

[Finkelskyhook]

That was bad.

If  you're going to criticize, please offer reasons so I can improve on the things that need work.

BY THE WAY:

new production is up. This one is not freestyle.

http://belgianman.com/songs/37/display

I remastered this track a little after hearing some opinions of people here (as well as others). Please take a listen.

The lyrics are sickening...As Roy said, sterotypical.

I'm not going to debate that. I know they are.

Then why do it in the first place?

[Rondo_is_better]

That was bad.

If  you're going to criticize, please offer reasons so I can improve on the things that need work.

BY THE WAY:

new production is up. This one is not freestyle.

http://belgianman.com/songs/37/display

I remastered this track a little after hearing some opinions of people here (as well as others). Please take a listen.

The lyrics are sickening...As Roy said, sterotypical.

I'm not going to debate that. I know they are.

Then why do it in the first place?

It was a freestyle rap. There's not much time to contemplate what I'm going to say. I did it because I enjoy doing it. Also, its not always about the meaning of the words or the message. Music can just be fun to listen to I.E. club music like Got Money by Lil Wayne or Swing by Savage. You listen and you dance and you sing along and you forget about the world. I can be a more introspective rapper, too. In fact, I'm taking Jsaad's advice and putting a pen to paper and writing an actual song that addresses more serious issues.

[JSD]

While posting this on CB is great, Macjams.com is a site you might want to check out too.

[dark_lord]

rondo,  not my style of hip hop at all.  but i respect ur effort and willingness to share with us.  tp for u, even if i wasnt feeling it.

[Rondo_is_better]

rondo,  not my style of hip hop at all.  but i respect ur effort and willingness to share with us.  tp for u, even if i wasnt feeling it.

Yeah DL I've seen enough of your posts on hip-hop to know this isn't your style. Thanks for respecting me though, I appreciate that maturity a lot.

My Hip-Hop collection stems from Lil Wanye and Drake to Talib Kweli and Black Star, to Blu (and Exile) and Biz Markie. This is just what flows out of my when I create. I don't know why its not more meaningful hip-hop--maybe I'm just inundated with modern pop-culture and its saturated my mind. I know I can create more "real" hip-hop if I try. I will do that and get back to you guys later.

[dark_lord]

rondo,  not my style of hip hop at all.  but i respect ur effort and willingness to share with us.  tp for u, even if i wasnt feeling it.

Yeah DL I've seen enough of your posts on hip-hop to know this isn't your style. Thanks for respecting me though, I appreciate that maturity a lot.

My Hip-Hop collection stems from Lil Wanye and Drake to Talib Kweli and Black Star, to Blu (and Exile) and Biz Markie. This is just what flows out of my when I create. I don't know why its not more meaningful hip-hop--maybe I'm just inundated with modern pop-culture and its saturated my mind. I know I can create more "real" hip-hop if I try. I will do that and get back to you guys later.

no problem at all.  at the end of the day, its ur music and u do with it whatever makes u happy.  screw what other people think.

[Greenbean]

rondo,  not my style of hip hop at all.  but i respect ur effort and willingness to share with us.  tp for u, even if i wasnt feeling it.

Yeah DL I've seen enough of your posts on hip-hop to know this isn't your style. Thanks for respecting me though, I appreciate that maturity a lot.

My Hip-Hop collection stems from Lil Wanye and Drake to Talib Kweli and Black Star, to Blu (and Exile) and Biz Markie. This is just what flows out of my when I create. I don't know why its not more meaningful hip-hop--maybe I'm just inundated with modern pop-culture and its saturated my mind. I know I can create more "real" hip-hop if I try. I will do that and get back to you guys later.

Not my style either but its not easy for someone to put something out like you have done for your peers to critique...much respect and I am feeling your vibe. It sounds fun and reminds me of the end of a good drunken party. At the same time though. You have to come with something really original these days to break through with a party anthem. My advice? Do what really makes you feel good and the rest will be eeeeeez.

[Rondo_is_better]

rondo,  not my style of hip hop at all.  but i respect ur effort and willingness to share with us.  tp for u, even if i wasnt feeling it.

Yeah DL I've seen enough of your posts on hip-hop to know this isn't your style. Thanks for respecting me though, I appreciate that maturity a lot.

My Hip-Hop collection stems from Lil Wanye and Drake to Talib Kweli and Black Star, to Blu (and Exile) and Biz Markie. This is just what flows out of my when I create. I don't know why its not more meaningful hip-hop--maybe I'm just inundated with modern pop-culture and its saturated my mind. I know I can create more "real" hip-hop if I try. I will do that and get back to you guys later.

Not my style either but its not easy for someone to put something out like you have done for your peers to critique...much respect and I am feeling your vibe. It sounds fun and reminds me of the end of a good drunken party. At the same time though. You have to come with something really original these days to break through with a party anthem. My advice? Do what really makes you feel good and the rest will be eeeeeez.

TP's to both of you, DL and Greenbean. Thanks for the insight and ability to respectfully choose you're own cup of tea. I'll be sure to let both you guys know when I finish something that might be more your style.


Oh, and Salmonandmashedpotatoes--you get a TP too for being really constructive. Thanks man.

EDIT: oh, and Jsaad too for recommending MacJams.

[ToppersBsktball10]

I didn't hear much Lil Wayne, more like Snoop.  Sounds impressive for a regular person, but not quite good enough yet to sell records.  Keep at it.

Snoops more chill and calm. Check out online battles sites, it helps improve everything in writing skills. PM me for some of the sites if you decide to take my advice.

[BigAlTheFuture]

RondoIsBetter,

This was pretty good for a freestyle. Not my style of hip-hop either, but I thought it was good. Roy said it was stereotypical, and to be honest - all FREESTYLES are. When rappers go off the top they don't really talk about politics, the government, or any serious issues. Freestyles are usually for fun. But I look forward to hearing your future songs that you actually write.