Guaransheed.
You have introduced a new word into my vocabulary.
Gauransheed - A gauranty, or promise. To be used only while making ridiculous or tempestuous promise. eg - I am going to buy a golf cart. It's gauransheed.
eg2 - This is the worst coffee I've had all day. If this coffee doesn't get any better tomorrow, I am going to sleep with your sister! THAT IS MY GAURANSHEED!