What works with women better: Nice guy or jerk?

[celticmaestro]

Why does everybody have to worry about what a certain "class" of women think about them, all the time? The best advice anybody can give you is be yourself and do whatever feels right/natural. If you truly are a good person, something will come along for you at some point.

That's the way I see it, anyway.

That almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? Ever the optimist CB32. I agree though, be yourself. But one characteristic I really think you should have is that of confidence. I think if you're a shaky guy then you'll get taken advantage of. Other than having confidence, be yourself.

[cdif911]

I'll throw in my 2 cents, from a different perspective.  I am happily with a gf right now, so I don't try to pick up girls, but inevitably I almost always do (not that I do anything with them, but I end up getting numbers, invites back to party, etc.) so I have decided to become a semi-pro wingman, my friends seem to appreciate it. Basically I think one big thing is being secure in knowing what you have to go home to, so it raises your confidence way up - (the gf knows about my wingmandom btw, she finds it funny) - I do the same thing Dave talked about as far as building up friends, especially the single ones, but I only do that if I know they're trying to get with a girl - we rag on each other constantly otherwise, its 90% of the fun of being friends.  That said, the big thing is finding a way to separate away from the crowd, I always try to make friends with the lesser attractive of a pair of friends, as it gives my friend an opportunity with the other.  I'm a pretty good conversationalist, I have a good amount of funny stories, always try to throw in one about the friend I'm trying to build up, that kind of thing - then if its a night of thing, I'll take the odd girl out and go to a different part of the bar, or if we're at a party outside, something like that, and give my buddy his chance, works pretty well, except for the one girl who I guess I play a bit - but I actually have made a few friends from it, so its all good

[incoherent]

As far as being around your friends and a girl you like.  It always always works far better if your friends talk you up then give you Edited.  Profanity and masked profanity are against forum rules and may result in discipline.. 

That's a fact, dumb to think otherwise.

[cdif911]

As far as being around your friends and a girl you like.  It always always works far better if your friends talk you up then give you ****. 

That's a fact, dumb to think otherwise.

although it is fun to occasionally try to ruin it for a buddy =)

[BrickJames]

I've found that what works best is having lots of money.  Even pretending that you have lots of money will be just as effective.  If you spend a lot of money, women will want to hang out with you.

You can then play the jerk or nice guy card to your desire, depending upon your company and surroundings.

Good luck young grasshoppers.

[ThreadCrasher]

I didn't read this whole thread, but have quick bit of input.

The whole 'act like a jerk' thing is not the right way to put it.

If you truly act like yourself, eventually you will be labeled a jerk by some group of people.  That is a fact.  If no one thinks your a jerk, you are trying too hard to please people and trying to 'get them to like you'.  Don't go around trying to be a jerk, that is stupid.  Trust me, there is something in your genuine personality that will put some people off...while others will love it.  Simple.  Now, if you have been taught that being a 'good boy' and avoiding confrontation is a good way to live...you may need some rehab to actually following your genuine instincts.  Not caring what other peope think is not an easy thing to do, especially if your whole life was spent trying to make others happy or not offending other people.  

If you walk that new path, you will get the best girls.  It may not end up being the 'hot blonde' in the corner...in fact, your radical honesty with yourself may make your old standards look bleak.  It will be a wild ride though.

As an example, on our first date, my wife and I ranked the waitresses at the restaurant in order of hotness.  Then we ranked the waiters.  That may have put off alot of girls, saying "which of these waitresses do you think is the hottest"...but that is what I thought about at the time.  So I said it, she wasn't intimidated and played along (which I loved).  We then ranked the guys.  It led to some interesting conversation... the rest is history.

(Edit:  Another good example is I did alot of partying and drugs (back in the day!) and my now wife didn't even drink and was the striaght A student type.  Some may have hid it as not to put her off, but I never hid it or played it down.  I was honest about.  To this day my wife says she can't believe she ended up with me, but I made it seem like a normal natural thing. Radical honesty is the way)

Now lets be honest.  The guy who says, looks don't matter are all ugly and/or have no game.  I agree, don't marry STRICTLY for looks, that's stupid.  Girls very seldom get hotter after age and pregnancy.  Marry for content of character.  But we all have lust and that is important.  

Also, we all want to pull the hottest girl in the bar at least one time. So as far as rules for 'getting the girl':

Tell the hot ones they are smart, and the smart ones they are hot.  Then continue to be radically honest.  Although, on a side note, compliments are like seasoning an meal.  Not enough and you are bland.  Too much and you'll over power the meal and make her sick.  No need to lay it on too thick.

[Edgar]

you know what works too
unavailable guys
when u have a relationship
specially if your faith full and into a great one
all ladies are crazy about you
the momento you ruin it *because usually its you
no other girl will give u a single eye.

thats actually one of the 10 misteries of human kind in my book soon to be published

[dark_lord]

My entire life, society has told me that success with success with women boils down to having bad boy characteristics - and having an edge.

I'm quite the opposite of a jerk if you were to meet me, but by the same token I'm no pushover either. I could get my fair share of average looking ladies, but they aren't exactly a catch for most of the bachelors out there to start out with.

I'm referring to the top tier, highly coveted women. I have friends that nab them with consistency. And they aren't exactly jerks, though they do tend to do well using their "jerk" gimmicks. Surprisingly they are effective with them. The bar room gimmicks, as I'd like to call them.

I'm not really looking to get your middle of the road chick. How do you get the upper echelon chick to like you without being a jerk? I'm in my early 20's if you were wondering, and I have my own pad (live there myself) and job so it's not like I don't have roadblocks like living with a mother.

It sounds like a straightforward question but I have so much trouble a lot of the time without getting nervous around the "better" looking women. It sucks getting put into the friend category. Laugh at me you may, but I'm sure most of you have encountered the same problem at some point in your lives.

It's a weird question to ask someone in real life, so I'm assuming on a message board setting, honest and well thought out responses are likely to be provided. And I know this is like the 2nd or 3rd woman related thread this  week or month, so if you're wondering if I'm trying to turn the off topic board into a sop fest, the answer is no.

this is for real??

why treat anyone like a jerk, man or woman?  why try to fulfill some type of role?  why be anything other than yourself?

[davemonsterband]

Also for that person who said never let your friends poke fun at you in front of others, you must have really boring friends sorry. Lighten up, if guy friends can't rib on each other/insult each other you're grealty missing out.

Yeah, I was a bit puzzled by that comment, too.  I've been pretty content with my friend group, and we rag on each other quite a bit.  I don't think any of us have that much problem meeting women, either.

If I'm chasing a girl like that I want to put everything into it and that goes for helping my friends achieve the same goals for themselves, we made a pact one day to stop cutting each other up in front of hotties and it's done nothing but help everyone, we save the cutting up for the day after. Of course there are times where it's inevitable but the "why is everybody picking me today" guys always ends up being the lonely chump, why give one of your friends the opportunity to have such a low status at all? I can carry the load with enough intellectual humor that gets everyone talking to make up for it, we don't feel like we're missing a thing. Watching pretty girls laughing and smiling and being happy instead of causing tension keeps the mood light and open. Just how we see it, that's all.

If your comments were only confined to picking up girls for one night stands, agreed.  You don't want one of your friends always blowing up your spot.  If you're just out with the boys, or once you're in a relationship, I'm big on kidding around, though.

Make sense to me