You asked about
my childhood, so I'll limit it to that, and not so much direct advice, (for
now, haha). You may regret you asked, but here goes:
I was raised in a very strict household, and was taught table manners, etiquette, and respecting others. I was afraid of my Dad, but not because he disciplined me ... I hardly ever saw him, (he worked all the time, so we hardly ever saw him, and tried to stay out of his way). My Mom did the discipline, and while I was only spanked about three times, (that I remember), I
knew she wouldn't hesitate if needed, (also had my mouth washed out with soap once, and I can
still taste it, lol! That was a bit harsh, but pretty common back then).
My Mom also spent
all of her time with us ... teaching us
everything, life, religion, politics, the arts, how to take care of ourselves, (yes, even sewing and knitting, laundry, cleaning, and cooking, as she knew my brother and I might be bachelors someday and need to know how to do it, along with my sister), money management, sports, reading, music, poetry, writing, math, science, foreign languages, nature ... we also lived on Sebago Lake year-round, and every afternoon in the summer she would take us for walks through the woods, teaching us about survival and the outdoors.
My Dad did well working all the time, so we had many opportunities that a lot of kids didn't, but we were taught to not take it for granted and not flaunt it or be spoiled. We had many chores and responsibilities from an early age, and were expected to do our part or else we would not get to do things we wanted. We had a boat, skied all the time, (both water and snow), had a place at Sugarloaf, and when we moved to Gorham from the lake, we kept our place and would spend summers there, (believe it or not, Dave Cowens now lives in our old place on Sebago Lake in Raymond, unless he has sold it recently ... he fixed it up quite a bit more than when we were there, though).
I also had a dirt bike and raced motocross for Honda New England for a few years, competed in freestyle and downhill skiing, (one of my old skiing buddies is Greg Stump, a well-known extreme skiing film producer who is now doing music videos ... his mom sent him away in the summers to have private instruction with Wayne Wong ... pretty cool), was active in Boy Scouts, (which was actually popular then - all my friends were Boy Scouts - we had some great times), as well as did every sport I could, before high school, during, and after. I also started working in my Dad's store (pharmacy) when I was eleven, (which was allowed for family businesses).
I was in some kind of band most of the time from junior high school on, and played guitar and piano as well as sung. I went away to prep school, but my brother and sister went to high school in our town, (they are both older than I, 5 years and four years, respectively), but that was considered my college money, so when I got to college age I was expected to pay my own way, though my brother and sister were not. They both went to UMO, (University of Maine at Orono), so during high school I spent many weekends up there, hanging with them and the college crowd, (which was a blast, but not always the best influence).
We were raised as Christians, (a Congregational church), but were also encouraged to make decisions for ourselves, and when we grew older, to find out about other beliefs and experience them if we felt compelled to. I rebelled in Junior High into Prep School, so had some rough years ... got into a lot of trouble in many ways, experimented with many things, but straightened out again by the time I graduated. I became a Christian again for many years, but was also living life the way I wanted, dating a lot of different women, and adapting Christianity to allow for my lifestyle, (in other words, being a bit of a hypocrite).
I recently have had a crisis of faith, so I'm no longer sure about
anything in that regard, (too long a story). I had an extremely happy childhood, but there was also a lot of dysfunction, (and still is), as my Dad was rarely around and working all the time. My Mom disciplined us, but also gave us all the affection, as my Dad was not at home much, so it was an unbalanced situation, with my mother providing everything
but the finances, and my father being the financial provider, (also more normal for that time period). While I see them all the time, my father is still a stranger to me to this day, (and always will be, as he is far too old to change his ways).
While we get along pretty well in social settings, if we're ever alone we have very little to say. I not saying this for sympathy, but just for understanding, because there is no such thing as a "perfect" family, and though I had much, there was also much that I missed, and would trade all the other privileges for in a second. I am very thankful for all my opportunities and my parents, and I realize that my Dad did the best he could with what he had. Both of his parents were cold and unaffectionate people, so he was never really given the tools to be that way himself, (though knowing that doesn't not make up for the loss).
I always saw other kids with their dads, playing pass, sitting on their dad's shoulders, or on his knee, having fun with him, going to games, going fishing, even just talking, etc., but I never got to experience that or
any kind of closeness, really. When I became a father I ended that cycle, (as I had long ago promised myself that I
would), and I am very affectionate with my own kids, though I also was fairly strict as far as behavior went as they were growing up. They were expected to take care of their rooms, themselves, schoolwork, etc., but we also had a lot of fun together, going places and doing many things, and learning many of the things my Mom taught me.
When I had to discipline them I did it with love and without physicality, but they also knew that I
meant what I said, and respected me as well as loved me. I believe that with kids, discipline is really a part of love, (or
should be, as it is with pets) ... when you say "no" you have to mean it and have to follow up with what you say the consequences will be, otherwise why would your children believe you when you say "I love you", if they don't believe you when you say "Don't do that again"? When all you do raising your kids is motivated by love and the desire for your children's well-being and happiness, then I think you are doing the best that you can for them.
Parenthood is the toughest but most rewarding experience you'll ever have, (seriously), but it also doesn't come with an instruction manual, nor are we really prepared for it much by anything we learn in school, (seems strange when you stop to think about it). We're all pretty much winging it, or emulating what we were taught as
we were raised, but again, if it originates from honesty and love and mutual respect, (yes, your children need
your respect, too), I think you'll do pretty well. This is probably more information than what you wanted, but it's a tough topic to answer with only a few sentences.
Topic: My mission to be a great father. (Read 8848 times)