He says:
"Hey fellas. Hope you enjoyed the two wins I gave you. I was told that only an act of me could get you back into this series so I decided to make things a little interesting. Anyway, 'back into this series' is a bit of a strong term. I may be G-d and I can do anything in the universe, but even with all my devine, cosmic powers, I can't deliver you a series win. I'm just not that powerful. Even if I could, I probably wouldn't. I mean, think what it would do to my reputation! If I delivered the 8th seeded Atlanta Hawks - a bunch of punks and suckers who think y'all is better than you actually are - a series win over the Celtics? KG? The Troof? Jesus Shuttlesworth? Rage-on?
"And for what? To give some polite southern folk a brief thrill before they once again forget that they even have a basketball team? Remember, I can see into people's minds and memories and you can take my word for it: Mike Bibby, before game 3, most people in Atlanta thought you 'still played for Vancouver.' Josh Smith and Josh Childress, before today, half the people in Georgia thought you were white guys coz your name is 'Josh' . Al Horford, before this series, there were self-identified Hawks fans who could have sworn that the team drafted Yi Jianlian and were wondering why there weren't more Chinese Billboards going up around town like in Houston. Zaza Pachula-whatever-weird-sounding-thing-your-name-is, I hate to break it to ya pal, but the capital of the only Georgia where anyone gives a flying cupcake who you are is scalled Tbilsi. People in the Georgia that wasn't under communist rule for 7 decades STILL think that you are something that they buy at New Age healing center gift shops next to the herbal soaps and the John Tesh CD's (Hey, he wrote the old NBA on NBC theme song, so I guess that's a start...no wait, what the heck am I saying, of course it isn't).
"So fellas, I'm sorry but you see my point? Even if I made the Celtics die in a plane crash, their charred corpses could still probably take 2 out 3 games from you as long as Doc's charred corpse remembered to DOUBLE JOE JOHNSON AT LEAST ONCE IN A BLUE ****' MOON. And like I said, I've got a reputation to maintain. Even God needs to impress the ladies, and it's not as easy as you might thing. Sure, I'm the creator of all existence. But this is HEAVEN! You know who freakin' lives in heaven? Frank Sinatra! AND Wilt Chamberlain! You think Justin Timberlake and Denzel Washington can attract a lot of tail? HA! You should see these two dudes mack it. There's only, like, 10,000 women up here anyway (and not very many of them are that hot for some reason), which means the ratio is still pretty good but Come ON! The Stilt shagged at least that many dames while he was ALIVE and AGING! You don't AGE in heaven! Now if I lived in hell, man, then I'd be set...
"Anyway, just hoping you all enjoyed your two gifts, but don't go counting on anything more. You guys should come to Churchill Downs this Saturday and watch me mess with desperate gamblers at the Kentucky Derby. It' s a freakin' riot... and it's not like you guys have anything else to do that day anyway.
Peace in the middle east (hawhaw! yeah... not on my watch)"
whew...I feel better. Celts in 6
Topic: Hey, Atlanta Hawks. G-d called (Read 3001 times)