Author Topic: Do holidays bum people out?  (Read 1005 times)

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Do holidays bum people out?
« on: December 24, 2018, 12:24:51 AM »

Offline celticsclay

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I have a feeling this is a more common thing than most people publicly speak about. Iím 35 years old and my whole family has passed away except for my brother. Iíll be darned if I donít find the whole thing quite depressing. On one Hand Iím thankful I have a lot of friends that send me cards for the holidays. The flip side is getting smiling pictures of smiling couples and babies can feel like a reminder of things you donít have in life. What are others thoughts? Tps in advance for all

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2018, 01:05:42 AM »

Offline CelticsElite

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Yes

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2018, 02:30:40 AM »

Offline blink

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Yes

X2

Sorry I donít have much advice for you other than you arenít alone in how you feel.  I think most people get sucked into having big expectations at the holidays.  When those turn out poorly or you feel left out it only magnifies it.  My mom passed away last year and the holidays def havenít been the same since.

Sometimes it can help to reach out to other people who donít have as much family and invite them over for Xmas.  Even if you arenít the greatest friends people appreciate having somewhere to go on Xmas.  My mom was a teacher and she used to invite any of the other teachers over for Xmas dinner if they didnít have somewhere to go.

 It donít forget to watch the Cís too.
Cheers!
« Last Edit: December 24, 2018, 02:36:36 AM by blink »

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2018, 06:23:56 AM »

Offline Celtics4ever

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They don't me, but they definitely are hard on a lot of people.

https://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress


Tips:

Quote
Loneliness:
For people without a significant other, who donít have family or who live far from family, the holidays can be especially tough. While longing for company, lonely people may isolate even more leaving them feeling even worse.

Remedies:

Resist the temptation to hunker down. Get up and get moving even if itís only for a series of short excursions to your favorite cafť or bookstore. The goal is to be around people. Having a brief conversation or simply exchanging smiles lifts your mood says Kenneth Yeager, PhD, clinical director of the Stress, Trauma and Resilience (STAR) Program at Ohio State Universityís Wexner Medical Center.
Find new ways to keep yourself occupied so you donít dwell on your aloneness. Book a tour and see the city you live in through the eyes of enthusiastic visitors suggests psychotherapist and trauma expert Ross Rosenberg of Clinical Care Consultants in Arlington Heights, IL. Just being a part of an animated group can reenergize you. Or volunteer at an animal shelter or somewhere that gets you out of your head while keeping your spirit engaged and uplifted.
Call someone that you think might be feeling like you. ďTake a chance,Ē says Rosenberg. You may find that person is happy to chat or share some time with you. ďLet yourself feel the pleasure of connection without the fear of rejection,Ē Rosenberg adds.

Loss:
If youíre dealing with the loss of a loved one, the idea of experiencing happiness during the holidays might make you feel guilty or disrespectful to the memory of that person.

Remedies:

We all experience some degree of survivor guilt says Dr. Yeager.  But itís important to not let ďexpectations about how you should feel dictate how you actually feel,Ē he says.  ďBeing respectful to those weíve lost should include memories of good times together.  A smile is just as loving as a tear.Ē
While you shouldnít feel guilty, itís OK to feel sad and to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you miss your loved one.

Missing Holidays Past:
Memories and traditions are a big part of the holidays. If your current life circumstances arenít the best, you may get stuck longing for the happier times in the past at the expense of the present.

Remedies:
Create new traditions. There are no hard rules for what your holiday should look like. If youíre worried that repeating an old tradition will make you sad, reinvent it for the present.  No kids at home.  Make that family cookie recipe for children stuck in the hospital.
And if itís too difficult to stay where you are, give yourself permission to go somewhere that doesnít hold any memories.  Book a hotel in a town nearby or a city far away, plan a few activities, buy yourself a present and revel in the anonymity, suggests Rosenberg.

https://www.psycom.net/beat-holiday-depression/

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2018, 07:39:39 AM »

Offline Surferdad

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Not really bummed out, but I am not a fan of the whole thing.  I didn't grow up celebrating Christmas so it doesn't excite me the way it does for others who had that tradition as a kid.  I'm also from a very frugal family and spending a lot of money on holiday gifts was also not a family trait.  I detest shopping in general and especially this time of year.  That said, I've celebrated with my wife's family for the past 38 years and I enjoy being with them to celebrate and give thanks.

What seems missing is any emphasis on helping those less fortunate.  Just for once, I'd like my sister-in-law to say, "No party, we're all going to work in the soup kitchen this year."  It would be wonderful lesson and experience for my wife's nieces and nephews.

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2018, 08:02:05 AM »

Online Neurotic Guy

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Holidays bum people out AND stress people out.  With the stress of the holidays, people are more vulnerable to feeling sad, irritable, angry, anxious, etc. and can become more impulsive and reactive.   Thereís a lot of drinking, drug use, violence, loneliness, and family discord during the holiday season.  Holidays come with warm feelings and memories for many but certainly not for everyone.

I have a little advice to add to the great advice above:  Itís hard to control/change emotions if you focus on the emotions.  But, by working on thoughts/thinking or actions you stand a good chance to break out of the bummed feeling.  Try to shift thoughts to positive memories of loved ones, make plans for something to look forward to, brainstorm activities that could change your mindset (donít stop till youíve listed 10), set an improvement goal, exercise, call or email old friend(s) youíve been thinking about, meditate, do something nice for your brother or a friend or a neighbor.   

 Dwelling and negative thought loops exacerbate sadness and loneliness. The holiday season is temporary(!)ó notice when your thoughts arenít helpful to your mood and shift them to something neutral or positiveó or engage in an activity from your list  ó and notice that mood changes along with thoughts and actions.



Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2018, 08:46:38 AM »

Offline Celtics4ever

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In my family, we focus on the kids and it is very rewarding to give a gift to the kids.   Once you turn 18 though you're out, though I buy minor gifts for my grown children and my wife.   But everyone does what they can for the children when they are young.   This makes it very rewarding to me and treats the kids special before they get to the real world that can often kick the crap out of them.

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2018, 10:49:40 AM »

Offline SHAQATTACK

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Don 't watch cable news ....any of it ....i watch only local or state news .   No use worrying about stuff you have zero control over .  Just vote and let the it go

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2018, 11:42:45 AM »

Offline hwangjini_1

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for what it is worth, domestic violence always spikes upward during christmas. a combination of putting in one house a range of family members who do not necessarily like one another, a lot of alcohol, and silly expectations about how we should all be joyful and happy.  :P

so, if the holidays get you down, which is not unusual, you can volunteer to go to kids hospitals, homes for the elderly, food bank, etc.

first and foremost...IT GETS YOU OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOME! and that is important. as mentioned above, move around, don't sit, don't mope, get outside and do something with someone.

hospitals, homes for the elderly, etc. are always happy to get volunteers. maybe by cheering up others, you yourself gain some cheerfulness as well.

happy holidays!!  ;D
I believe Gandhi is the only person who knew about real democracy ó not democracy as the right to go and buy what you want, but democracy as the responsibility to be accountable to everyone around you. Democracy begins with freedom from hunger, freedom from unemployment, freedom from fear, and freedom from hatred.
- Vandana Shiva

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2018, 01:53:55 PM »

Offline celticsclay

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Thank you for all the helpful and kind comments friends. I appreciate it

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2018, 02:27:16 PM »

Offline Big333223

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I don't get bummed out but there has certainly been a waning interest. I work in hotels so we don't get the kind of holiday breaks that the rest of the country does. Tomorrow is just another work day for me. If I lived closer to family, I might get up for it more but when I can order my niece and nephew presents on Amazon and have it shipped directly to my sister, it takes a lot of the fun out of it (and stress, though).

I just got a Christmas tree yesterday. Growing up, my dad and I used to go out into the woods and cut down a tree the first weekend of December and have it all month. It's not like it used to be.

Maybe when I have kids, I'll have a reason to reengage.
1957, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1966, 1968, 1969, 1974, 1976, 1981, 1984, 1986, 2008

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2018, 05:17:54 PM »

Offline KG Living Legend

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I have a feeling this is a more common thing than most people publicly speak about. Iím 35 years old and my whole family has passed away except for my brother. Iíll be darned if I donít find the whole thing quite depressing. On one Hand Iím thankful I have a lot of friends that send me cards for the holidays. The flip side is getting smiling pictures of smiling couples and babies can feel like a reminder of things you donít have in life. What are others thoughts? Tps in advance for all




 No doubt about it Clay. Christmas actually started out as just a big drunken celebration in the woods to ward off winter depression.

 We eventually turned it into an economic game where if you don't buy people cheap plastic crap you don't love them.

 Supplement vitamin D. The depression vitamin that everybody doesn't get enough of this time of year. Castor oil packs help me sleep and boost immune function.

 Most of All I'll speak for myself and hopefully others when I say I consider you a brother after all these years. Larbrd is right some of us should contact each other.

 I nominate Celtics Clay for the next random Celtic talk with Larbrd. Anyway happy Holidays and we got your back if you ever need us.  Love you brother. Merry Christmas.

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2018, 06:08:04 PM »

Offline tarheelsxxiii

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I am with you, clay. The holidays are surrounded by loss for me, and ongoing issues that immediate family members are struggling with.  Becoming more distant over time is sad.  I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much.  But know that we are just a few keystrokes away - you're a great member of our community and one of my favorite posters to read.


Quote
I nominate Celtics Clay for the next random Celtic talk with Larbrd. Anyway happy Holidays and we got your back if you ever need us.

This is a great idea.
"As far as playing, I didn't care who guarded me - red, yellow, black. I just didn't want a white guy guarding me, because it's disrespect to my game."
-Larry Bird

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2018, 06:28:58 PM »

Offline rocknrollforyoursoul

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I feel for everyone who struggles during the holidays. Last Christmas was my first without my Mom, and this one is my wife's first without her Dad. Not having key family members is tough. That said, my parents always made Christmas special, and I believe that my Mom would want me to keep enjoying it, so I try to do that. :)
"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way.'"

"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."

ó C.S. Lewis

Re: Do holidays bum people out?
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2018, 06:30:13 PM »

Offline Roy H.

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It can be tough. I lost my mom back in 2000, and something still feels missing around the holidays.  Even with kids of my own now, I think about how they donít have a grandma (my wifeís mother has passed as well).  Itís not always easy, even though weíre one of those stereotypical families in the photo Christmas cards.

My best advice: donít fixate, and distract yourself.  Honor some of your familyís traditions, even if youíre doing them alone or with friends.  And, just remember that every day of your life is a mix of good and bad. It sounds trite, but focus on your blessings, while holding the memories of your loved ones dear.





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