Surveys, suck.

There. I said it.

http://www.celticsblog.com/2010/3/25/1390003/please-take-this-sbn-survey

Please take the survey in here though, because it gets CelticsBlog some money which they can give to any charity they want.

I know it blows; there's way too many questions, some are downright stupid, and it just takes waaaay too long, but we'll get to boost a charity like Ray Allens Ray of Hope foundation (that's what it's called right?) or maybe the Truth foundation, our captains charity foundation. Or anything else for that matter, as long as CB gets to give some cash to someone.

But I really wanted to focus on something else here, for this is my chance to rant.

Note that this rant is intended to be taken lightly. I'm poking fun of something here, as well as venting some frustration. I'm hoping people will read this and think: hey, that guy is not just being funny! Because there's actually points in here.

Also, this is a rant against this one survey, but honestly, there's gazillions like it, so consider this a rant "in general".

Let's rant!


-------- THE RANT --------

Usability wise:

- DO NOT PUT MORE THAN 5 ROWS OF ANSWERS UNDERNEATH EACHOTHER.

That's in caps, yes. It bothers me THAT much that user interface designers don't know this kind of stuff. Make groups of five, like thus:

question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer

question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer
question - answer answer answer answer answer

The human brain, believe it or not, has trouble asserting the difference between more than five items when you put them that close to eachother. Especially when they look exactly the same. You can zebra-stripe all you want, it doesn't work that way. When you have a large screen, you will have to actually COUNT THE LINES to answer the right question! Not only is this superbly inconvenient; it's also messing with the results because you might tick the wrong box! DOH!



- When you show how far into the survey someone is...

... please don't put 1874 questions on one page, and 1 on the other. Microsoft is the only one in the world that's allowed to get away with telling someone "you've got 5 minutes to  go" and then changing that expectation 12 times before the 40 minutes (cuz that's what usually happens) are over.



- Do not make me press LOTS AND LOTS of buttons in a row.

I watch basketball. They didn't ask: check the boxes of the sports you like. No. They mentioned a whole list of sports, and made me check all the boxes of the sports I don't like. For fools sake, DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP FILLING THIS OUT OR WHAT?!>!! Stupid mistake making me fill 'm all out. Oh and I couldn't leave blanks, had to enter yes or not into every single one of them. Maybe, give 'm all a starting value of "do not like" and make people check the ones they do. That's generally "the easier way".



Contentwise:

- Now, they asked me to indicate how closely this statement applies to me:

"I like sports well enough but can live without them."

There's a very simple problem; it states TWO THINGS. "I like sports" "Can live without". Now, I do love sports very much, so I'd say VERY MUCH ME! "Can live without" well, I dunno, I don't think I could live without sports! So now the hell what do I do? If I say "Not at all like me", they'll think I don't love sports, and I can't live without! ... BUT I LOVE SPORTS!

Ugh.



- Maybe think about what happens if someone outside the USA enters into the survey.

What big city in the USA is close to Amsterdam? I have no flippin' idea. Don't expect everyone to be from the USA, and don't expect them to know what metropolitan is closest when they are, because quite frankly, I've seen gazillions of TV shows where not a single person could pinpoint Holland. It's the same the other way around; not all of us know where LA is. (no wait, that's just denial, harharhar)



- Phrase your questions efficiently. Statements too.

Asking me what statements apply to me, and starting every line with a different version of "I LOVE SPORTS", is DUMB. Needless to boot. It doesn't add ANYTHING and seriously, it makes people read more, which takes more time, which is bad.



- Don't ask the same thing twice

1) I really enjoy watching sports with friends, and being able to talk about sports with others.
2) I talk to others frequently about sports when I have free time.

Yeh, I really enjoy watching sports with friends and talking about sports with others.

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO TO THE SECOND ONE.

That's the same question twice. Don't bother me with this stuff! People go out of your way to answer this, stop bothering them to great lengths!



- Please don't ask too much of me

This question: Which of the following have you purchased in the past two weeks?

had the option: "OTHER: PLEASE SPECIFY"

I will not, and I repeat; will NOT, specify EVERY SINGLE THING I BOUGHT THIS WEEK. You don't CARE that I bought a lightbulb. You don't care that I bought cheese. You don't care that I bought air refreshener. Actually, you know what, this is [dang] good fun. I'm going to fill in a whole list of stuff there that I bought. Brb.


Same goes pretty much for the question "32. Which of the following do you plan to purchase within the next 12 months?"



- DONT MAKE ME THINK

You do NOT want to make someone think too long about questions (eg: what do they mean here?) because they'll stop. They will just give up and stop the survey.



The good part about this survey:

34. Please indicate below if you'd be interested in joining our on-going SB Nation research panel.

That's a good question. Yes I do.



Last but not least

For their own good:

they might want to limit the size of a reply in the "other, please specify" option. This is my "please specify" reply for the aforementioned "Which have you purchased in the past two weeks" question:

"Air refreshener. A lightbulb. A pump for my basketball. Cheese. Pasta. A plane ticket to Australia (seriously, moving in with my girlfriend.) Sauce. Beef. Chicken (little blocks of chickenbreast). Spices (to go with the chickenbreast). Deodorant. Bread. Salad (for on the bread). A V-cube 5x5 (sort of a rubiks cube, but with more blocks). Chewing gum (I chew gum a lot, like on the basketball court). A subscription to World of Warcraft. Toilet paper. Tooth paste. A T-shirt. Asperine. I don't think this list is complete, but maybe you should look at the question rather than looking at this answer. K, thanks, bye."

Thanks, CB, for letting me rant.

Yours sincerely,

- Dirk



... ps: now go and take that survey!