Self-Esteem

[LB3533]

All I know is this:

The praise/criticism on the Sons of Sam Horn game threads are not the way!!!

[RAcker]

The problem in most people is that they either judge those around them too harshly while cutting themselves too much slack (too high self-esteem) or they cut everyone else slack and judge themselves too harshly (too low self-esteem).  

Interestingly, new research is showing that the idea that childhood (maybe adult too) bullies act out of low self-esteem is completely wrong; it's exactly the opposite.  Too much self-esteem coupled with an increasing realization that the world doesn't see you in the same way can lead to lashing out against others.  There's a dark side to excessive self-esteem beyond consequences for the person who has it.

That makes sense.  It's very narcissistic, but totally plausible.

[cdif911]

The problem in most people is that they either judge those around them too harshly while cutting themselves too much slack (too high self-esteem) or they cut everyone else slack and judge themselves too harshly (too low self-esteem).  

Interestingly, new research is showing that the idea that childhood (maybe adult too) bullies act out of low self-esteem is completely wrong; it's exactly the opposite.  Too much self-esteem coupled with an increasing realization that the world doesn't see you in the same way can lead to lashing out against others.  There's a dark side to excessive self-esteem beyond consequences for the person who has it.

That makes sense.  It's very narcissistic, but totally plausible.

I've read the same thing in multiple places

[BigDanz2000]

I personally believe self esteem is being confident with your own identity.  Really knowing who you are and what your limitations are and what your expectations are in life.  I feel if you live your life always wishing you had more then it could have a negative effect on your self esteem.  There is nothing wrong with wanting more or wishing you had more, but the problems lies when you let those wants supersede your needs and you become jealous of what everyone else has instead of being thankful for everything you have.

When your a child, I would guess that a level of praise is not a bad thing but I do believe too much praise will create problems later in life.  Like another poster said, It could cause entitlement issues but I believe too much praise could actually bring down someones self esteem.  As that individual grows, I believe most of their everyday life will be looking for that praise.  When they do not get that recognition they think they are afforded they will wonder why their accomplishments and achievements are not being hailed.  Which will damage their self esteem and lead to a lifetime of never really figuring out who they really are. 

I believe society has put on their kid gloves in regards to how a child should be raised.  There is no such thing as tough love anymore.  I believe their should be equal amounts of praise and criticism.  Reward hard work that produce positive results not a reward just for showing up.  I have never been applauded for just showing up at work? well maybe a few times.  Im a likable guy. 

[cdif911]

This is a real tip on how to manage millenials (a common name to the new entitled generation entering the workforce, which I sadly am part of, but not proudly):

"Provide a fun, employee-centered workplace. Millennials want to enjoy their work. They want to enjoy their workplace. They want to make friends in their workplace. Worry if your millennial employees aren’t laughing, going out with workplace friends for lunch, and helping plan the next company event or committee. Help your long-term employees make room for the millennials." http://humanresources.about.com/od/managementtips/a/millenials_2.htm

umm doesn't sound like much work is being done

similarly:

"Only 20% of the recruiters classified the Millennials as "generally great performers," while a full 63% of Baby Boomers (43 to 62 years old) and 58% of Gen Xers (29 to 42) were given this distinction. " http://www.businessweek.com/managing/blogs/first_jobs/archives/2008/10/millennials_wor.html

uh oh

[guava_wrench]

The problem in most people is that they either judge those around them too harshly while cutting themselves too much slack (too high self-esteem) or they cut everyone else slack and judge themselves too harshly (too low self-esteem).  

Interestingly, new research is showing that the idea that childhood (maybe adult too) bullies act out of low self-esteem is completely wrong; it's exactly the opposite.  Too much self-esteem coupled with an increasing realization that the world doesn't see you in the same way can lead to lashing out against others.  There's a dark side to excessive self-esteem beyond consequences for the person who has it.

I got into an argument about this. I was talking to someone who never reads any research, but who has strong feelings for all things Freudian and a lot of pop psychology. When I mentioned that some bullies have been found to have an overabundance of self-esteem, she rejected the claim for ideological reasons.

Few things frustrate me more than people who refuse to consider data for ideological reasons.

[guava_wrench]

I enjoyed this article when it came out:

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2007/02/27/study_finds_students_narcissistic/

[cdif911]

The problem in most people is that they either judge those around them too harshly while cutting themselves too much slack (too high self-esteem) or they cut everyone else slack and judge themselves too harshly (too low self-esteem).  

Interestingly, new research is showing that the idea that childhood (maybe adult too) bullies act out of low self-esteem is completely wrong; it's exactly the opposite.  Too much self-esteem coupled with an increasing realization that the world doesn't see you in the same way can lead to lashing out against others.  There's a dark side to excessive self-esteem beyond consequences for the person who has it.

I got into an argument about this. I was talking to someone who never reads any research, but who has strong feelings for all things Freudian and a lot of pop psychology. When I mentioned that some bullies have been found to have an overabundance of self-esteem, she rejected the claim for ideological reasons.

Few things frustrate me more than people who refuse to consider data for ideological reasons.

I could delve deeper but won't =)

[fairweatherfan]

similarly:

"Only 20% of the recruiters classified the Millennials as "generally great performers," while a full 63% of Baby Boomers (43 to 62 years old) and 58% of Gen Xers (29 to 42) were given this distinction. " http://www.businessweek.com/managing/blogs/first_jobs/archives/2008/10/millennials_wor.html

uh oh

Those guidelines sound dumb as hell, but the stats could be a cohort effect.  If you looked back 15-20 years, employers might've had the same low opinion of the Gen Xers who were just entering the workforce.  Same deal with the Baby Boomers 40 years ago.  Employers tend to like older, established employees much more than younger ones.  It'll be interesting to see if that trend holds up as the "millenials" (can't I just call them the Aughts?) get older.

Interestingly, new research is showing that the idea that childhood (maybe adult too) bullies act out of low self-esteem is completely wrong; it's exactly the opposite.  Too much self-esteem coupled with an increasing realization that the world doesn't see you in the same way can lead to lashing out against others.  There's a dark side to excessive self-esteem beyond consequences for the person who has it.

I got into an argument about this. I was talking to someone who never reads any research, but who has strong feelings for all things Freudian and a lot of pop psychology. When I mentioned that some bullies have been found to have an overabundance of self-esteem, she rejected the claim for ideological reasons.

Few things frustrate me more than people who refuse to consider data for ideological reasons.

For fun, you could mention to her that all the Freudians were laughed out of psychology decades ago, for pretty much the same mindset she has (having 90% of their hypotheses be invalid or untestable didn't hurt either).   

[cdif911]

similarly:

"Only 20% of the recruiters classified the Millennials as "generally great performers," while a full 63% of Baby Boomers (43 to 62 years old) and 58% of Gen Xers (29 to 42) were given this distinction. " http://www.businessweek.com/managing/blogs/first_jobs/archives/2008/10/millennials_wor.html

uh oh

Those guidelines sound dumb as hell, but the stats could be a cohort effect.  If you looked back 15-20 years, employers might've had the same low opinion of the Gen Xers who were just entering the workforce.  Same deal with the Baby Boomers 40 years ago.  Employers tend to like older, established employees much more than younger ones.  It'll be interesting to see if that trend holds up as the "millenials" (can't I just call them the Aughts?) get older.
 

this is one of the main criticisms of the cross sectional method, I may actually use this in my psych class this semester. thanks for the idea!

[EJPLAYA]

Looking at it from a parents view, I have 5 kids, I would say this. It is the responsibility of the parent to put their children in positions where they can have success, which in turn will add to their self esteem. Some kids however are naturally blessed with more of it than others, so it especially crucial to reinforce the positive behaviors and successes of children who don't naturally possess it. There is no single answer to this as they are all inheritently different. My most successful child who is the most athletic and accomplished is not as self confident as you would expect. He needs that positive reinforcement more. Another child who has a harder times with things is perfectly content to be who she is and doesn't need as much patting on the back.

I think the key though is to set appropriate goals for them, make sure they give their best effort, and compliment the effort vs. the result. THAT is what will bring them happiness. My wife likes to use the phrase "Bloom where you are planted". As was said before in this thread not everyone can do everything they choose. I'd sure like to be the starting PF for the Celtics, however my 6'1" frame and so-so athleticism don't really allow me to be "whatever I want to be".

[guava_wrench]

For fun, you could mention to her that all the Freudians were laughed out of psychology decades ago, for pretty much the same mindset she has (having 90% of their hypotheses be invalid or untestable didn't hurt either).   

I just avoid dead end discussions with her.