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Author Topic: Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)  (Read 5275 times)

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Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)
« on: February 18, 2011, 01:27:47 PM »

Offline OriginalODb

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« Last Edit: February 18, 2011, 03:34:47 PM by Redz »
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2011, 01:49:27 PM »

Offline Tai

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Wow, I love the Onion. TP for you.  :D
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2011, 01:50:45 PM »

Offline bostonfenway

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Ahahah so funny! ;D
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2011, 01:52:55 PM »

Offline fairweatherfan

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Quote
Allen also gained access to a computer on which he read about a failed procedure to shrink Kevin Garnett's adrenal gland in order to decrease his production of testosterone and significantly reduce the amount of time he acts like ****.

LOL
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2011, 02:51:17 PM »

Offline Cman

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I really like the Onion in general, but for some reason this piece didn't do it for me.
 ???
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Celtics fan for life.
Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2011, 02:53:57 PM »

Offline BballTim

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  Best line:

  "At first I thought some of them were deformed or genetic mutations," Allen added. "But I seem to remember Glen was just weird-looking like that as a kid."
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2011, 03:28:58 PM »

Offline barefacedmonk

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Quote from: Cman on February 18, 2011, 02:51:17 PM
I really like the Onion in general, but for some reason this piece didn't do it for me.
 ???

You might like this. I read it a few days ago...pretty funny.
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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2011, 03:29:36 PM »

Offline Redz

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good stuff
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Re: Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2011, 01:21:29 PM »

Offline mmbaby

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Eh, it was okay, not that funny and I didn't see a point. It could have been a lot funnier.
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Re: Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2011, 01:29:13 PM »

Offline incoherent

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Wow.. LOL!!!

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Re: Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2011, 02:16:19 PM »

Offline mgent

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Quote from: BballTim on February 18, 2011, 02:53:57 PM


  Best line:

  "At first I thought some of them were deformed or genetic mutations," Allen added. "But I seem to remember Glen was just weird-looking like that as a kid."
Haha, I was gonna say that.  I'll go with the second best line:

"He's okay, but you'd think that with all this advanced technology they would at least try to improve him a little—maybe make Big Babies that are taller, better shooters, and a little less annoying in the locker room."
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Re: Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2011, 02:39:03 PM »

Offline houseonfire09

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The best part of this is that it's a perfectly good explanation for why KG is playing defense like it's 2008 again and Ray Allen is having a great season shooting 3's when we all thought KG was done and Ray was on the downside.  Every time someone gets badly hurt, just secretly kill them off and replace them with a clone in 2-4 weeks.  Nobody would know the difference.
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Re: Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab w/ 1000's Of Test-Tube Big Baby's (Onion)
« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2011, 02:16:57 PM »

Offline Surferdad

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I love the Onion but the headlines are usually better than the articles themselves.  Best quote:
Quote
...a dusty freezer full of failed prototype Larry Bird chins...
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