The old school way was better just like in most things. You are headed for a spoiled child.
I prefer the word "entitled" - entitled kids have trouble in so many situations because they feel they are better than others and deserve the world. Imagine not getting a trophy for playing soccer even if your team finished last? Imagine a teacher pointing out an error in your writing?
New studies show that high self esteem leads to bullying, one of the biggest problems in schools today. Kids who think they are better than others are the ones who bully, not those who don't like themselves.
Careful about 2 things:
1) 'Old School' is in the eye of the beholder. Some may hear old school and think 'children should be seen and not heard'. In other words, disrespected and disregarded. Also, some may hear 'old school' and think harsh, physical punishment (like I got) and fear of father and/or mother. I don't think either of these 'old school' methods are necessary for raising well-behaved, kind and moral children. 'New school' may mean to you being submissive or allowing children to do as they please -- however, 'new school' to me means very involved, structured, positive and loving in high doses, but clear, consistent and persistent in the teaching and modeling and expectation of decency. It does mean holding the line on many of the things some children/teens feel entitled to, but it also means doing so with respect, firmness and kindness. An example of holding the line -- my chidren didn't watch PG-13 movies until they were 13 (unlike most of their friends), however, it was quite easy to hold that line and other parents were always very respectful of our family's rules. I would not call anything we do 'old school' in that it is very different than the parenting either my wife or I received.
2) Be careful about the study (and I only know of 1) that says bullies have high self-esteem. There are conveniently close descriptors for narcisism, entitlement and arrogance that 'look like' high self-esteem but are nothing of the sort. In truth, most studies I have seen show that bullies act out their own feelings of lack of power (often feel mistreated, neglected or not in control in aspects of their lives) and bullying satisfies the need for power and control (a normal human need). Don't be fooled into thinking that meaningless things like 'trophies for participation' cause low self-esteem (or high self-esteem for that matter) or have any connection to bullying. Generally, such things have little impact as compared with so many other more influential things in children's lives.
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agreed - firm fair and consistent is the way to go
on the self-esteem:
check here:
http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_1.pdfcheck the resources, check the validity, looks pretty darned airtight to me.
it's amazing that for so long people thought bullies had low self-esteem because essentially it was a logical deduction, but no research was done to substantiate it.
and yes on the soccer trophy type example, I agree one thing like that doesn't cause problems, but when there is a culture of me-first, child-focused, everyone gets a trophy, no one can lose, you can be anything you want to be, it worries me about the future
