Author Topic: At a standstill with my ex-wife regarding our son's mobile phone.  (Read 6273 times)

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Re: At a standstill with my ex-wife regarding our son's mobile phone.
« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2023, 06:50:15 PM »

Online JSD

  • Frank Ramsey
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I'm a child of divorce. I witnessed my parents fight for years. Whatever you think is important (your kid's safety and all of the other scary stuff) might not be as important as your son seeing his parents continue to argue. While horrible things could happen to your kid on the internet (no doubt- no need to downplay this risk), I think you may be  overlooking the risks of continued conflict with your son's mother.

I assume you're looking for advice as you posted here. If it were me, I'd relent and be as nice to my ex as possible. Your son will see this and could benefit from seeing a healthy relationship, even if you're not married anymore. I think most kids of divorce suffer and deal with mental health challenges for decades.

I think it's awesome that you're concerned about your kids physical safety. I would make sure that he never sees you argue with his mom again, at least in front of him. I'd also speak kindly of her around him. She might be your ex, but she's his mom and no one wants to hear anything negative about their mom. Same goes for her- she shouldn't be bad mouthing you. This is the stuff that messes kids up later in life.

Also, I feel for you. This seems like a tricky spot to be in. I hope you and your son have a great relationship going forward, and I hope you can be civil with your ex. It took my parents decades to achieve the latter, but they're finally there.

Oh no! I've just written a complete novel in response, only to have it erased due to an automatic logout. Very annoying. I must take some time after such a setback 🤦‍♂️
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Re: At a standstill with my ex-wife regarding our son's mobile phone.
« Reply #31 on: April 09, 2023, 04:45:57 AM »

Online The Oracle

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Do s she have his usernam s / passwords?

Whatís her argument to you?

I would frame it that you want to co-parent and keep your son safe.  You wonít delete anything from social media, etc, without you two coming to an agreement.  However, itís important that you both know what your 11 year old is up to.  Heís a good kid, but there are a lot of dangers out there.  Maybe even show vulnerability and explaining that youíre scared of whatís out there.

I donít think it has to be an all or nothing power struggle.

Last text from my Ex:

Quote
He has to keep his phone on him and turned on, JSD. Thereís no more bothering him about his phone. It is for calls and location purposes only. You have access to everything he does online which is YouTube that you created for him. He has no online activity. He does Roblox. Thatís it. That phone is under my name and I cannot disconnect my information from it so that will not happen. There is no safety concern. I pay the bill, I own the phone. Thatís it. Nobody else has access to that phone. Just me and just (my son). So I can bring him to your house but he said he wants his phone on him. If not he wants to be picked up at 6:30

JSD there is no more discussion on it. Moving forward thatís it. Leave it alone.


I set up a Gmail account for my son, which as it turned out, became his YouTube channel. Unfortunately, during the argument, I was unaware that the YouTube account was linked to the Gmail account I had created.

I have tried to address the potential risks with her, however, she remains steadfast in this idea that I have ulterior motives and aim to pry into her personal affairs, which is unequivocally not the case.

Note: The statement "I pay for it" doesn't accurately reflect the situation. In reality, I provide $1800 a month in child support to her as she is currently not working.
If there is a tracking device installed on your sons phone and your ex wife does not trust you with access to it, then how in turn are you supposed to trust her with access to that very feature when your son is with you?  If I were you I would seriously consider getting your son a phone under your name to use when he is with you.

The only other advice I would offer is to avoid showing a child that you don't trust them when they have not given you significant reason to do so.  It is a difficult balance but I believe you must always err in favor of trust until they have given reason not to.