My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.

[newdusk]

Ya Effed up buddy.

Maybe it's not right to marry her if she is going to be that insecure.. But you need to lay off the Myspace "friends". She needs to feel like she is the only girl you need.

She does need a certain level of trust but if you are complimenting other girls and she is this upset it probably means you don't compliment her enough. Or she could feel like you have been lying to her.. Either way you just have to ride it out and do what you can to make her feel special.
 

[Roy Hobbs]

The hottest topic on Celticsblog is the one trying to solve Jsaad's relationship troubles.  What are we all coming to? 

(Just teasing.  The other mods have heard more than enough about my love live / personal life, I'm sure.  These are the types of threads that build the "community" we strive for here.)

[indeedproceed]

She’s not concerned with my conversation with the woman she’s disgusted at my “pig like” compliment.

Ah.  Different story.  In that case, she'll get over it eventually, and that isn't necessarily a sign of latent insecurity.

She's right, though...  it was pretty pig-like, even though it was meant to be light-hearted and flirtatious (I'm assuming).

Apologize, and fall back on your track record (which I'm assuming isn't pig-like).  Once things settle down, do something romantic for her, and make sure you go the total chivalrous route.  Do not, however, change your entire routine thereafter, or grovel / continually apologize. 

Yeah Roy's right...if she doesn't feel threatened by this other girl, this should just blow over with an apology.

[JSD]

1) What was the compliment?  Some should be harmless, while others cross a line.  If it was along the lines of "nice profile" or something similar, no big deal.  If you complimented her figure, maybe your girlfriend is on to something.

1) As embarrassed as I am…


"You’re looking pretty hot yourself. If you put a bikini picture up your site would be #1 on myspace… =)"

No good.

A good rule of thumb is, before you write something to another female, think if it would be something you wouldn't want your girlfriend to see.  If it is, you probably shouldn't write it.

Your right, I cringe every time i think about it.

[MLG5]

wow! really, this question was asked? and people are actually responding? i may come off as a jerk, but this is celtics talk. if i wanted to hear about sob lover quarrels i would go to dr. phil's blog. wait a minute, maybe thats where i am now.....

[Redz]

Umm...there's a reason it's called "MYSPACE" not "HERSPACE".  Sounds like a pretty harmless comment.  If someone looks hot, they look hot.  You didn't follow up on it, and you didn't say "You look so hot I'd like to do such and such with you".  You apologized, you quit Myspace.  Sounds like you learned a lesson. 

I forgive you, if that helps

[JSD]

She’s not concerned with my conversation with the woman she’s disgusted at my “pig like” compliment.

Ah.  Different story.  In that case, she'll get over it eventually, and that isn't necessarily a sign of latent insecurity.

She's right, though...  it was pretty pig-like, even though it was meant to be light-hearted and flirtatious (I'm assuming).

Apologize, and fall back on your track record (which I'm assuming isn't pig-like).  Once things settle down, do something romantic for her, and make sure you go the total chivalrous route.  Do not, however, change your entire routine thereafter, or grovel / continually apologize. 

I like this.

I do need to stop apologizing.

I wrote her a two page note last night apologizing and listing reasons she is so important to me.

[JSD]

Umm...there's a reason it's called "MYSPACE" not "HERSPACE".  Sounds like a pretty harmless comment.  If someone looks hot, they look hot.  You didn't follow up on it, and you didn't say "You look so hot I'd like to do such and such with you".  You apologized, you quit Myspace.  Sounds like you learned a lesson. 

I forgive you, if that helps

Thanks Redz, I appreciate your support.

[vwoodruff]

I'm with what Roy said initially about the trust and insecurity stuff. If your partner goes through your stuff, it is a bit audacious to get upset with you about what she finds (spoken from experience).

Of course, it puts you on your heels.

The question I have is this (and it will sound harsh): If you're so happy in your relationship, why would you be making comments like this to anonymous women?

I think more than getting advice from us, there's some solitary soul searching that needs to be done about this. If you sit down and listen to yourself long enough, you'll figure it out.

Good luck... this stuff can be a heavy burden.

[JSD]

She’s not concerned with my conversation with the woman she’s disgusted at my “pig like” compliment.

Ah.  Different story.  In that case, she'll get over it eventually, and that isn't necessarily a sign of latent insecurity.

She's right, though...  it was pretty pig-like, even though it was meant to be light-hearted and flirtatious (I'm assuming).

Apologize, and fall back on your track record (which I'm assuming isn't pig-like).  Once things settle down, do something romantic for her, and make sure you go the total chivalrous route.  Do not, however, change your entire routine thereafter, or grovel / continually apologize. 

Yeah Roy's right...if she doesn't feel threatened by this other girl, this should just blow over with an apology.

God I wish it were that simple. Ultra sensitive with this type of stuff.

[Roy Hobbs]

God I wish it were that simple. Ultra sensitive with this type of stuff.

Like, ultra-sensitive because she's a strong feminist, or ultra-sensitive due to the insecurity stuff?

[guava_wrench]

I imagine the worry she might have is whether you would accept advances to a woman in person if you were so willing online. Flirtation is a normal thing, but it is always risky due to possible temptations and offensive to most people in a relationship.

The best comment so far is the one by newdusk. Do you compliment her? Does she look good in a bikini? Is she insecure about her figure and worry that you would cheat on her for a hot bod? Is she correct?

Personally, I do not comment to women about the hotness of their bodies in any arena when in a relationship. If it comes that naturally to you, one thing can easily lead to another.

In the end, there is a problem when your girlfriend feels compelled to search through your messages. Some women who are very insecure assume that their boyfriend is having affairs, no matter how loyal they are. I would again suggest counseling in that situation.

[blake]

OK so yes you messed up, but you should be able to get out of this one.  I'm going to get a little deeper on this one and say that the problem isn't Myspace but it is you.  Women tend to think the world is exploding when something small happens.  

Right now she is imagining herself with you for the rest of her life.  And you just showed her that this is your personality and she will have to put up with these kinds of things for the rest of her life.  So removing Myspace doesn't take care of the problem.  You will always be confronted with women flirting with you (in the workplace, on Myspace, on the street, on guys nights out).  It is the way of life.

So you have to prove to her that this was a completely isolated incident that hasn't happened in the past and won't happen in the future.  You can apologize until the cows come home (sorry Oklahoma tendencies showing there), but the apologies mean nothing past the first or second one.  I can almost guarantee that she will look over this slip up, if you prove to her that it is in fact, a slip up and is not your M.O.

[Redz]

She’s not concerned with my conversation with the woman she’s disgusted at my “pig like” compliment.

Ah.  Different story.  In that case, she'll get over it eventually, and that isn't necessarily a sign of latent insecurity.

She's right, though...  it was pretty pig-like, even though it was meant to be light-hearted and flirtatious (I'm assuming).

Apologize, and fall back on your track record (which I'm assuming isn't pig-like).  Once things settle down, do something romantic for her, and make sure you go the total chivalrous route.  Do not, however, change your entire routine thereafter, or grovel / continually apologize. 

Yeah Roy's right...if she doesn't feel threatened by this other girl, this should just blow over with an apology.

God I wish it were that simple. Ultra sensitive with this type of stuff.

Better make sure she doesn't catch you discussing all this in another public forum then, huh

[ced]

Wow...this thread is PATHETIC.

Jsaad....GROW A PAIR. Seriously...GROW THEM. And 99% of the people giving you advice, grow a pair as well. You all sound like women yourselves.

GOOD LORD