New Orleans (AP) — Still reeling from the shocking loss of DeMarcus Cousins, the New Orleans Pelicans announced today the removal of long-time general manager Dell Demps. “We thank Dell for his many years of service,” said Pelicans’ President Dennis Lauscha, “but here in New Orleans, we do believe in curses. This organization has been snake-bit for some time, and DeMarcus was our fourth player to go down with a season-ending injury this year. Dell has been here the longest, so we think he might be the one who’s cursed, and it’s time to move on.”
Continuing to surprise the NBA, the Pelicans announced their replacement hire by his internet moniker of saltlover. “I haven’t met him yet, but he seems very knowledgeable about the salary cap. What have we got to lose?” said Lauscha.
Reached via e-mail, saltlover said he would “explore every opportunity to turn this team around.” When asked if that would include trading superstar big man Anthony Davis, he replied “Anthony wants to win. I want to win. He wants to win in New Orleans. We want him to win in New Orleans. My job is to explore every avenue to get us to becoming a wining franchise.”
Meanwhile, there are unconfirmed reports that saltlover has entertained offers for Davis, but when pressed, he responded “if we make a trade there will be a press release. If we don’t, there won’t be.”
