I like a girl, but not sure how to become more than friends?

[Monkhouse]

Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on this.

I like this girl, and at first I was pretty sure she was very interested in me, and the feeling was both mutual. Although, I didn't have feelings for her, I just wanted to hook up. But she wanted a more serious/committed relationship, and I started treating her more like a friend, and I guess that is where I am now.

How can I get back to where I was, and move on from being just 'friends?'

Not sure if I posted in wrong thread, but the truth is I'm falling for this girl hard. Other girls want to spend time with me, but in the long run, shes someone that I really do want to be with.

[hwangjini_1]

well, i am sure you have touched a heart thread in every guy here. i know i went through the same thing, more than once. i dont know if there is a single good answer or not.

can you provide more details about her and yourself? (at least ages, how long you've known her, etc.)

off the top of my head and without the info, i would say the simplest, most humane, and, years from now, the approach you will likely be glad you took, is to be simple and direct with her and find out. better that than regrets later.

maybe take her to a place that is not too public and does not require you to stay there if everything goes up in ball of flame (avoid restaurants where you would to wait for food, etc. if this does not go well, you probably dont want to sit there.)

before that, work out a short simple script and practice it so that you are not too fast or rambling. say what you want to say. simple. direct.

then tell her your feelings and ask her her feelings.

sooooo simple, yet so hard, right?

good luck.

[Beat LA]

Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on this.

I like this girl, and at first I was pretty sure she was very interested in me, and the feeling was both mutual. Although, I didn't have feelings for her, I just wanted to hook up. But she wanted a more serious/committed relationship, and I started treating her more like a friend, and I guess that is where I am now.

How can I get back to where I was, and move on from being just 'friends?'

Not sure if I posted in wrong thread, but the truth is I'm falling for this girl hard. Other girls want to spend time with me, but in the long run, shes someone that I really do want to be with.

I'm sorry that I'm unable to help at all in this endeavor, lol , but I do have one question for you regarding the emboldened part of your post - what's that like, ahaha? Btw, for once, I'm not being sarcastic.  Now off to the 2 chainz thread...

[arctic 3.0]

Monk,
Been a long time since I've had to contemplate such a situation, and in a way I'm kind of jealous/nostalgic for the emotional butterflies you are experiencing.

My advice, just bite the bullet and tell her how you feel. If she digs you you're golden (for a while at least) if she doesn't, but she's a true friend, it won't damage your friendship (unless you can't get over the rejection). If she laughs in your face then she's not worth your feelings or friendship.

Easier said them done but better than living with "what if".

Good luck my man.

[Monkhouse]

well, i am sure you have touched a heart thread in every guy here. i know i went through the same thing, more than once. i dont know if there is a single good answer or not.

can you provide more details about her and yourself? (at least ages, how long you've known her, etc.)

off the top of my head and without the info, i would say the simplest, most humane, and, years from now, the approach you will likely be glad you took, is to be simple and direct with her and find out. better that than regrets later.

maybe take her to a place that is not too public and does not require you to stay there if everything goes up in ball of flame (avoid restaurants where you would to wait for food, etc. if this does not go well, you probably dont want to sit there.)

before that, work out a short simple script and practice it so that you are not too fast or rambling. say what you want to say. simple. direct.

then tell her your feelings and ask her her feelings.

sooooo simple, yet so hard, right?

good luck.

I agree. I just.... I feel like we had a great connection, and no we didn't hook up or like make out/ or go further. But the night we spent together, we had a lot of fun, and had plenty of physical intimacy. She said she just didn't feel comfortable, or felt like she knew me enough yet to do something like that. Plus my roommates were there, and MADE it WAY too hard for her to want to come back to my bed.

Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on this.

I like this girl, and at first I was pretty sure she was very interested in me, and the feeling was both mutual. Although, I didn't have feelings for her, I just wanted to hook up. But she wanted a more serious/committed relationship, and I started treating her more like a friend, and I guess that is where I am now.

How can I get back to where I was, and move on from being just 'friends?'

Not sure if I posted in wrong thread, but the truth is I'm falling for this girl hard. Other girls want to spend time with me, but in the long run, shes someone that I really do want to be with.

I'm sorry that I'm unable to help at all in this endeavor, lol , but I do have one question for you regarding the emboldened part of your post - what's that like, ahaha? Btw, for once, I'm not being sarcastic.  Now off to the 2 chainz thread...

I mean, girls are people too. They wear masks, because their afraid of being judged. I don't judge them, and I ask them deep/interesting questions about why they do this, why they do this. For example, "Have you ever wanted to just grab your things, get up and runaway to some far away place that you've never been before?"

Girls love that. As for how is it? Its fun, although its crazy how I'm asking this friend question, but I'm actually putting a few interested girls in me as friends too lol.

Unfortunately, I guess my main problem with this girl is that I'm too afraid to touch her more, and get to know her more better, because she kind of told me that she wasn't interested.

But... I guess truthfully when I met her, I never wanted to ever be friends, and now that I didn't make a move, or let her know I was interested.

Anyways, thanks for your advice guys. I appreciate it.

[Beat LA]

You're not this guy, are you, lol?



Hey girl...

On a serious note, I really do wish that I could help you out.  Are you in college? 

[Snakehead]

Gotta agree with the direct responses.  I used to be in this kind of situation and tried to drop hints, be slick, whatever.  Doesn't work as well as just being direct.  Being direct leaves you being open to directly shot down but at least you know, which hurts in the immediate but not in the long run.  Last thing you want to do is be with regrets later on because that's really the most painful thing.

I would just say that I really thought you were pretty and cool and everything off the bat but as I got to know you more I think much more of you and if I need to see how you feel or I know I"m going to regret it.  Something that direct.  I would say "I want to take you out on an actual date and treat it like a date.  And if you don't want to that's alright, I just had to ask". And if she doesn't feel the same way that's gonna hurt you man but that's the price of playing the game and I think that hit will just help you have confidence going forward. 

Doesn't seem like you lack confidence.  So I'd just be that direct.  I started being more direct and it's super liberating and my confidence has grown.  I'm not afraid of failure and having a confidence in that kind of way seems to be really attractive to women.

It seems like you like her in ways you like friends but she isn't just a friend to you, so you should swing for the fences and put it to rest if it can't be.

[D.o.s.]

Trade her for a conditional first at the minimum.

Wait a second.

[Roy H.]

The first thing you have to ask is, are you ready for a committed and long-term relationship?

My guess is that you're in the driver's seat here.  Most "friend zone" situations start either before there are romantic feelings by either party, or where the girl isn't into the guy.  Here, you indicated that she was into you, but that you steered it towards friends.  If that's the case, then you're in all probability going to be able to rekindle things.

Just make sure the timing is right.  If she wants something committed and you're not ready, it won't matter how much you like her / are attracted to her. 

[FreddieJ]

You're not this guy, are you, lol?



Hey girl...

On a serious note, I really do wish that I could help you out.  Are you in college?

I love that movie

[Eja117]

eja117 believes in all out war.

Steps to be taken as opportunities present themselves.

1. Make friends with mom. It is always easier to get the mom to like you. Assuming the mom and girl are like Gilmore Girls you're half way there and might even have a good backup plan.

2. Watch fashion police and study up. Then tell her to want to take her shoe shopping. Then spring for a dress too. And a hat.

3. While shopping do something awkwardly jerky. Like....idk...buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Subliminal jedi mind tricks. Instant conversation starter. Act like you're only mildly attracted to the models. Say stuff like "They're ok. I still think Jennifer Anniston and Jennifer Lawrence are better looking. Even Jude Law is a little better looking. He has better bone structure. You have to give him bone structure".  Women like talking. You will have to say stuff at some point. Then say "I bet I could find like at least 3 bathing suits on Amazon.com that are better and a better deal than these". Girls love a challenge.

4. Movies. I strongly believe in movies being your friend. Certain movies are better than others. Eja had some unspecified shenanigans once while watching Emperor's New Groove. The movie was just so boring....she picked it. Don't know why. Who cares?

5. Mention that you think Beyonce's song "Put a ring on it" is absolute genius. Be like "Isn't that what it's about?" Jedi mind tricks I tell you.

6. Ask her a thousand questions. Nod and occasionally say stuff like "How did that make you feel" or "would you do it that way again"? Alcohol was invented so we could listen to people talk. It might help you get through it.

7. If things are going well start saying random stuff like "I want to shoe shop for you forever." Eja pledged to always clean the toilets.....fudge. That reminds me.

8. Get married. Have a boy. Make middle name eja.

[Celts Fan 508]

Bill Cosby has written a lot about this in his books, I would trust him, best TV father ever.

[Eja117]

Take her to a museum. And a zoo. You don't have to have reasons to go there. Just pay for everything.

[SHAQATTACK]

Show her your bank balance.

Prime motivator    8 to 80 that's the gig


Money .....

[GratefulCs]

Get her a shake weight..


She'll know you mean business




On a serious note, i hope it works out for you, and wish i had more advice



Best of luck to you!

And TP for reaching out to the smartest people in the blogging world