Why are some words ok and others are not?

[Rondo2287]

"You dont call retarded people retards, that would be in bad taste. You call you friends retards when they are acting retarded."-Michael Scott

This was a memorable quote for me from the epdisode of The Office titled, "The gay witchunt."  I find it extremely strange that in this day of people being incredibly politically correct the word Retard seems to have slipped through the cracks.  If somebody uses the F word or N word, most times you see half the room cringe and usually somebody will step up and say something denouncing it.  How many people here have experienced that when somebody is called a retarded or says somebody acted like a retard?  I personally havent experienced it.  I think this is a very worthwhile speech to watch, and like the young man giving the speech, I challenge all of you here to stop saying the word if you do and stand up against those that do use it. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoqaNG0Ozqc

(Caution does have a couple of vulger words at the begining)

[angryguy77]

What if the person is a Laker fan?

[stoyko]

TP Rondo. I think we all are guilty of using certain words without thinking of their true meaning and hurt they cause others (fascist, nazi, and the r word to mention just a few). I once had a camp counselor chastise me for using that word as a youth and I've always tried to avoid it myself. Very few of us would go out of way to make fun of some one with developmental delays so why this word is the popular vernacular is beyond me. 

[Amonkey]

So the other day I was in Somerville and saw a Brazilian hair stylist place.  Now granted, I am pretty sure the owner wasn't thinking about the name and how it could be taken the wrong way, I mean, I am assuming it's only the person's name.  She probably wasn't thinking anything bad of it.  But this is what the place is called.  Negha's Hair.  That actually got me laughing a bit too.

[Chris]

Maybe it is just the people I hang around with, but I have found that the word "retarded" (when used in a negative way) is not nearly as acceptable as you make it sound.  I really think it has become a word that will incite a very negative reaction, if used in a negative way.

Now, I think it is unfair to compare it to a word like the N word of F word, because they have very different histories.  The N and F word both became taboos because they became known as words of hate towards those groups of people. 

Retarded never was really used like that (at least to the level the other words were).  It was actually the proper term for the mentally challenged (is that even the correct term these days?).  People didn't call mentally challenged people "retards" because they hated them, the way people used the N and F word.  Kids (and immature adults) would just use the word to make fun of other kids who they thought were acting stupid.  It's offensive, but on a completely different level.

I think a better comparison would actually be to the word "Gay".  Again, this was (and still is) a proper term for homosexuals, and really does not have a history of being used as a term of hate towards Gay people.  However, it has been used by kids to make fun of other kids who are effeminate (or something like that).  So again, offensive, but on a different level from the F word and N word.

So to sum it up, generally, the words that are really over the line to most people are the ones that have been used as slurs to direct hate towards the people they refer to.  Words misused to mock other people are just offensive...but you can ussually still get away with in public without being labelled a bigot...just immature.

Edit: and just to be clear, I agree that no one should be using the word "retarded" to make fun of people...I am just trying to explain the reason why it is not in the same category as the F and N word.

[Celtic]

This is something I have also never understood, how two words  mean the same thing, yet one of them is considered to vulgar one. How could a word that is used the same way as another word in the same context be inappropriate? What is it that makes a four letter word so horrible, and possibly offensive? I understand the case for racial slurs and words used to describe particularly undesirable acts, but how what is the point of being offended by the S word for example?

[Rondo2287]

Chris I hear ya, and I thank you for the well thought out response.  I guess what bothers me most about it is in most cases the inability of the mentally challenged to defend themselves.  And most of the time when I hear the F word now its not actually used at a homosexual, it just lobbed back and forth in conversation as an insult similar to calling somebody retarded.  And while your right the N word and F word historically have really been said as hate words directed at the parties, through my experience the F word at least is used more as a casual insult.

This has been a hott topic for me for a long time, but I was reminded of it in the Kanye West thread on here with the pictures saying Kanye, "launched a retarded tantrum" or something to that effect I forget the exact wording. 

And while the word Retard may not be used as an insult towards those that are actually mentally handicapped, I think it causes people who who are close with the mentally handicapped just as much pain to hear it in casual conversation as it does for African Americans or Homosexuals hearing the respective words used in casual conversation. 

[guava_wrench]

This is something I have also never understood, how two words  mean the same thing, yet one of them is considered to vulgar one. How could a word that is used the same way as another word in the same context be inappropriate? What is it that makes a four letter word so horrible, and possibly offensive? I understand the case for racial slurs and words used to describe particularly undesirable acts, but how what is the point of being offended by the S word for example?

It's due to culture history.

For some words, such as crippled, handicap, and disabled, the problem isn't the word, but the underlying condition it is describing. Handicap makes much more sense and is far less demeaning than disabled, yet disabled is currently preferred in public discourse. Regardless of what word we use, the connotations of the underlying condition will taint the word until the word becomes unacceptable to many.

What I find silly about complaining about his use of retard is that he is calling himself retarded. Does he even refer to the mentally handicapped as retarded? "Retarded" has a reputable history since some people have retarded development. "Retard", on the other hand, seems offensive to me.

[Rondo2287]

This is something I have also never understood, how two words  mean the same thing, yet one of them is considered to vulgar one. How could a word that is used the same way as another word in the same context be inappropriate? What is it that makes a four letter word so horrible, and possibly offensive? I understand the case for racial slurs and words used to describe particularly undesirable acts, but how what is the point of being offended by the S word for example?

It's due to culture history.

For some words, such as crippled, handicap, and disabled, the problem isn't the word, but the underlying condition it is describing. Handicap makes much more sense and is far less demeaning than disabled, yet disabled is currently preferred in public discourse. Regardless of what word we use, the connotations of the underlying condition will taint the word until the word becomes unacceptable to many.

What I find silly about complaining about his use of retard is that he is calling himself retarded. Does he even refer to the mentally handicapped as retarded? "Retarded" has a reputable history since some people have retarded development. "Retard", on the other hand, seems offensive to me.

Who is the he? are you referring to Kanye?

[budMovin]

When I try and think of why something is looked down upon society I look at how it resonates in history. The mentally challenged up until the last 30-40 years were almost always sent to mental institutions to be forgotten and shunned by society. The word retard is a very derogatory word in today's society, one that can hurt a lot of people who are mentally challenged or close to someone who is. People probably used it as a derogatory more back (I am guessing because I am not very old by your standards) when families and society severed ties with those who the word represented. Thus, it would not bring much anguish when used around them. We are getting towards a point where society looks down upon (at least the northeast) anything used negatively to describe a certain group of people. You will hear this word thrown around loosely a lot less in the coming years.

[KCattheStripe]

But what if that person is slow, physically, and is retarding the progress of the group.

[Chris]

Chris I hear ya, and I thank you for the well thought out response.  I guess what bothers me most about it is in most cases the inability of the mentally challenged to defend themselves.  And most of the time when I hear the F word now its not actually used at a homosexual, it just lobbed back and forth in conversation as an insult similar to calling somebody retarded.  And while your right the N word and F word historically have really been said as hate words directed at the parties, through my experience the F word at least is used more as a casual insult.

This has been a hott topic for me for a long time, but I was reminded of it in the Kanye West thread on here with the pictures saying Kanye, "launched a retarded tantrum" or something to that effect I forget the exact wording. 

And while the word Retard may not be used as an insult towards those that are actually mentally handicapped, I think it causes people who who are close with the mentally handicapped just as much pain to hear it in casual conversation as it does for African Americans or Homosexuals hearing the respective words used in casual conversation. 

Well, regarding the F word, I think you are wrong to say that it is not still used as a primary word of hate towards homo-sexuals.  And while it may not be used as openly as it was say, 20 years ago, it still is absolutely used in that way.  

And I am not saying that anyone should be more or less offended by the use of one word or the other, I am just trying to answer why society as a whole has come down harder on certain words than others.  Language is never a simple thing, and as soon as you think you have wrapped your mind around it, something changes.

[Rondo2287]

Chris I hear ya, and I thank you for the well thought out response.  I guess what bothers me most about it is in most cases the inability of the mentally challenged to defend themselves.  And most of the time when I hear the F word now its not actually used at a homosexual, it just lobbed back and forth in conversation as an insult similar to calling somebody retarded.  And while your right the N word and F word historically have really been said as hate words directed at the parties, through my experience the F word at least is used more as a casual insult.

This has been a hott topic for me for a long time, but I was reminded of it in the Kanye West thread on here with the pictures saying Kanye, "launched a retarded tantrum" or something to that effect I forget the exact wording. 

And while the word Retard may not be used as an insult towards those that are actually mentally handicapped, I think it causes people who who are close with the mentally handicapped just as much pain to hear it in casual conversation as it does for African Americans or Homosexuals hearing the respective words used in casual conversation. 

Well, regarding the F word, I think you are wrong to say that it is not still used as a primary word of hate towards homo-sexuals.  And while it may not be used as openly as it was say, 20 years ago, it still is absolutely used in that way.  

And I am not saying that anyone should be more or less offended by the use of one word or the other, I am just trying to answer why society as a whole has come down harder on certain words than others.  Language is never a simple thing, and as soon as you think you have wrapped your mind around it, something changes.

I agree, Im coming from 4 years at a pretty openminded liberal college so I havent heard a gay person called an Fword in probably 5 years.  I have heard it alot in terms of somebody saying, "Ya me and (Insert Girlfriends name) are going to see The Notebook,"  followed by , "Oh man what a F."  So I think in that regard I think it is similar to the way Retard is used, but I am coming at it from that angle because I havent heard it recently in that targeted hate sense. 

[Kwhit10]

But what if that person is slow, physically, and is retarding the progress of the group.

I think you're expressing something that I was going to say.

A definition of 'retarded'

–verb (used with object)
1.    to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
–verb (used without object)
2.    to be delayed.
–noun
3.    a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
4.    Slang: Disparaging.
a.    a mentally retarded person.
b.    a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.
5.    Automotive, Machinery. an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.


P.S. I think the new term is now 'intellectually disabled'

[Rondo2287]

Ok well I think it is pretty ignorant to defend the use of retard in social conversations.  Gay means happy, and the F word means a cigarette or a bundle of sticks, none of them are acceptable. 

And I think the fact that you are making light of it and not acknowledging it as a problem is rather scary, and proves just how little progress we are making in respect to the mentally challenged