Everyday my Dad texts me from the TJ Maxx parking lot

[86MaxwellSmart]

Back in 2006-2007, I finally got my Dad into the Celtics. Bought him the Directv NBA package and he loved it, even though The C's were the worst team in the league. Took him to the Clippers/C's Game in LA.
We even said hello to Scal at the Ontario Airport...My Dad said he loved the way he played defense. Scal was really cool.

The next season, my Dad passed away during the last season without KG...He never got to see them Win in 2008...Just treasure your parents when you have them folks.

[rocknrollforyoursoul]

Back in 2006-2007, I finally got my Dad into the Celtics. Bought him the Directv NBA package and he loved it, even though The C's were the worst team in the league. Took him to the Clippers/C's Game in LA.
We even said hello to Scal at the Ontario Airport...My Dad said he loved the way he played defense. Scal was really cool.

The next season, my Dad passed away during the last season without KG...He never got to see them Win in 2008...Just treasure your parents when you have them folks.

I'm sorry your Dad didn't get to see that title run, more sorry you lost your Dad. I'm glad you guys had a good relationship, though.

[action781]

My elderly father texts me everyday around 5:30. Conversations are always the same. Him telling me he's bored and we chat about random things from our days. Sometimes he'll tell me he's waiting in the car while my step-mother is in TJ Maxx.

However I noticed he's mentioned this several days in a row so I asked if he's really sitting in the car waiting on her at TJ Maxx. He said yes she goes there everyday. Why is she going to TJ Maxx everyday to shop? Oh she rarely comes out with anything she likes helping folding the clothes and putting this back in order after people pick through things. She doesn't work there. He likes the quietness of sitting in the car watching people in the parking lot.

I'm not sure why I shared this but found it pretty funny.

Really glad you shared this.  I love hearing about all the little things in this enormous world that people enjoy doing.  TP.

[Neurotic Guy]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

My father died in June.  I chose to stay away in his final days, as I had the prior 20 years.  I don’t regret it.

I’m happy for all those who have strong relationships with their parents, or were able to reach reconciliation at the end.  But that is not true for all, and if someone needs to not be there, they probably have plenty of good reason.

True. Every circumstance is different, no judgment. 

[ozgod]

My elderly father texts me everyday around 5:30. Conversations are always the same. Him telling me he's bored and we chat about random things from our days. Sometimes he'll tell me he's waiting in the car while my step-mother is in TJ Maxx.

However I noticed he's mentioned this several days in a row so I asked if he's really sitting in the car waiting on her at TJ Maxx. He said yes she goes there everyday. Why is she going to TJ Maxx everyday to shop? Oh she rarely comes out with anything she likes helping folding the clothes and putting this back in order after people pick through things. She doesn't work there. He likes the quietness of sitting in the car watching people in the parking lot.

I'm not sure why I shared this but found it pretty funny.

Nice story.  As a nearly elderly guy (not sure if people consider 65 nearly elderly)… I can relate to enjoying the solitude. My wife is away caring for her very elderly parents and I’m home tonight planning my dinner and thinking about what edgy movie I might watch (one I’m sure she’d hate).  Simple pleasures, but no TJ Maxx. My best to your dad -I  think I’ll call my daughters - - due for an annoying ring from dad.

I wish my dad was more like that, where he can just sit and enjoy the solitude and the peace. He's in his mid-70s and it feels like he's still going harder than when he did when he was working, he's always got things he must must must finish, never has enough time in the day, etc. The only time he gets to relax is when he is watching Celtics games...at least when the Celtics aren't giving up big leads and causing his blood pressure to go up 

[No Nickname]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

My father died in June.  I chose to stay away in his final days, as I had the prior 20 years.  I don’t regret it.

I’m happy for all those who have strong relationships with their parents, or were able to reach reconciliation at the end.  But that is not true for all, and if someone needs to not be there, they probably have plenty of good reason.

True. Every circumstance is different, no judgment.

I’ve had a tough relationship with my mom.  Incredibly strict, manipulative, emotionally needy, and physically abusive at times.

I’m the oldest, my youngest siblings are 15 and 16 years younger. As much as she hyper focused on me, she basically abandoned the youngest as teenagers so she could chase after her fourth husband. Lied to my face about how she’d be there for them, then moved out the very next day and left them with their father (my former step-dad) who had a checkered past and shouldn’t have been raising them alone.

Then years later she wants to be close with me again.  I just can’t forgive her. She didn’t just make one mistake, she abandoned my siblings for years (every day was another choice by her to not be there) and now they suffer from that lack of a proper upbringing.

My wife says I’ll be sad when she’s gone and I’ll wish I had made amends, but I can’t forgive how she lied to me and led such a selfish life when she should have been a mom first. 

[green_bballers13]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

This resonated with me. Many older men grew up with fathers that weren't open and so our dads were limited in their ability to be vulnerable or admit their own faults. Maybe fragile egos, maybe something else all together. I'm trying not to judge my old man's faults as he gets older, though its not easy sometimes. There's good and some bad. The less time I have with him these days makes me want to focus on the good.

[Goldstar88]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

My father died in June.  I chose to stay away in his final days, as I had the prior 20 years.  I don’t regret it.

I’m happy for all those who have strong relationships with their parents, or were able to reach reconciliation at the end.  But that is not true for all, and if someone needs to not be there, they probably have plenty of good reason.

True. Every circumstance is different, no judgment.

I’ve had a tough relationship with my mom.  Incredibly strict, manipulative, emotionally needy, and physically abusive at times.

I’m the oldest, my youngest siblings are 15 and 16 years younger. As much as she hyper focused on me, she basically abandoned the youngest as teenagers so she could chase after her fourth husband. Lied to my face about how she’d be there for them, then moved out the very next day and left them with their father (my former step-dad) who had a checkered past and shouldn’t have been raising them alone.

Then years later she wants to be close with me again.  I just can’t forgive her. She didn’t just make one mistake, she abandoned my siblings for years (every day was another choice by her to not be there) and now they suffer from that lack of a proper upbringing.

My wife says I’ll be sad when she’s gone and wish I had made amends, but I can’t forgive how she lied to me and led such a selfish life when she should have been a mom first.

I have a family member with BPD. A lot of parallels with what you just described…

[Surferdad]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

My father died in June.  I chose to stay away in his final days, as I had the prior 20 years.  I don’t regret it.

I’m happy for all those who have strong relationships with their parents, or were able to reach reconciliation at the end.  But that is not true for all, and if someone needs to not be there, they probably have plenty of good reason.

True. Every circumstance is different, no judgment.

My wife had no contact with her mom in her last 10 years of life. She had severe dementia and could not communicate or even recognize most people she knew (except my sister-in-law who was her caregiver at the very end). Because of this, my wife decided to stop visiting her because it served no purpose. Yes, every circumstance is different.

[greg683x]

My elderly father texts me everyday around 5:30. Conversations are always the same. Him telling me he's bored and we chat about random things from our days. Sometimes he'll tell me he's waiting in the car while my step-mother is in TJ Maxx.

However I noticed he's mentioned this several days in a row so I asked if he's really sitting in the car waiting on her at TJ Maxx. He said yes she goes there everyday. Why is she going to TJ Maxx everyday to shop? Oh she rarely comes out with anything she likes helping folding the clothes and putting this back in order after people pick through things. She doesn't work there. He likes the quietness of sitting in the car watching people in the parking lot.

I'm not sure why I shared this but found it pretty funny.

Nice story.  As a nearly elderly guy (not sure if people consider 65 nearly elderly)… I can relate to enjoying the solitude. My wife is away caring for her very elderly parents and I’m home tonight planning my dinner and thinking about what edgy movie I might watch (one I’m sure she’d hate).  Simple pleasures, but no TJ Maxx. My best to your dad -I  think I’ll call my daughters - - due for an annoying ring from dad.

I wish my dad was more like that, where he can just sit and enjoy the solitude and the peace. He's in his mid-70s and it feels like he's still going harder than when he did when he was working, he's always got things he must must must finish, never has enough time in the day, etc. The only time he gets to relax is when he is watching Celtics games...at least when the Celtics aren't giving up big leads and causing his blood pressure to go up 

If you remove the Celtics and replace it with Baltimore Orioles, this is a shockingly accurate portrayal of my Dad

[greg683x]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

This is a great perspective to point out.  My Dad is 70, I’m 40.  We had a challenging relationship when I was growing up.  He’s very type A personality, clean and obsessively neat, has to have things his way, done his way, and nobody ever does it right unless he does it himself.  He’s great if you’re training for baseball or wrestling, but hell to live with if you’re trying to find your own way when you’re becoming an adult.  He has a classic 1970s car, still to this day, I’ve never driven it.  I’ve driven my uncles 71 Nova, but not his car.

Things settled down with us a bit once we weren’t living under the same roof anymore but it took about another 7-10 years after that for the tension to finally dissolve.  We’d all be drunk at family reunions and he’d come up and say he loved me and was proud of me and then walk away lol.  Quitting baseball is something he’s never really forgiven me for, but I’ve told him I regret it which seems good enough for him.  I’ve also said to him and my mom that I was sorry that I was so difficult to live with when I was growing up and that I just didn’t know how to manage my emotions then.

And now finally to tie in your point.  He hasn’t once acknowledged or apologized for his role in the fights we use to have, how awful it was to try and live up to his expectations, and how hurtful it was to prioritize possessions over your kids feelings.  Sometimes this stuff comes up and he acts confused and has no memory of certain events happening and I have to privately ask my mom about it to confirm that I’m not crazy haha.

For the most part it’s all been buried.  Him telling me he loves me and is proud is enough, and I don’t think I’ll get much more and that’s ok.  We have a good relationship now and can enjoy a few beers together and go see a baseball game.  Judging from some responses on this thread I should be thankful he said this stuff to me with enough time to move past it and enjoy each other, instead of it happening so close to the end.

All you can do is your best, if you gotta go 70 and they only want to go 30, then it is what it is, focus on the positive relationship you can have right now


I wrote a lot.  Sorry.  I guess some of that was selfishly therapeutic

[green_bballers13]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

This is a great perspective to point out.  My Dad is 70, I’m 40.  We had a challenging relationship when I was growing up.  He’s very type A personality, clean and obsessively neat, has to have things his way, done his way, and nobody ever does it right unless he does it himself.  He’s great if you’re training for baseball or wrestling, but hell to live with if you’re trying to find your own way when you’re becoming an adult.  He has a classic 1970s car, still to this day, I’ve never driven it.  I’ve driven my uncles 71 Nova, but not his car.

Things settled down with us a bit once we weren’t living under the same roof anymore but it took about another 7-10 years after that for the tension to finally dissolve.  We’d all be drunk at family reunions and he’d come up and say he loved me and was proud of me and then walk away lol.  Quitting baseball is something he’s never really forgiven me for, but I’ve told him I regret it which seems good enough for him.  I’ve also said to him and my mom that I was sorry that I was so difficult to live with when I was growing up and that I just didn’t know how to manage my emotions then.

And now finally to tie in your point.  He hasn’t once acknowledged or apologized for his role in the fights we use to have, how awful it was to try and live up to his expectations, and how hurtful it was to prioritize possessions over your kids feelings.  Sometimes this stuff comes up and he acts confused and has no memory of certain events happening and I have to privately ask my mom about it to confirm that I’m not crazy haha.

For the most part it’s all been buried.  Him telling me he loves me and is proud is enough, and I don’t think I’ll get much more and that’s ok.  We have a good relationship now and can enjoy a few beers together and go see a baseball game.  Judging from some responses on this thread I should be thankful he said this stuff to me with enough time to move past it and enjoy each other, instead of it happening so close to the end.

All you can do is your best, if you gotta go 70 and they only want to go 30, then it is what it is, focus on the positive relationship you can have right now


I wrote a lot.  Sorry.  I guess some of that was selfishly therapeutic

Good stuff man. Other people can see that other people's family lives aren't as air tight as they may appear. It's helpful. Most people I know that have lived through four to five decades have family issues. My old man talks to just a handful of his many siblings. It's hard to get along, and people should get more credit for biting their tongue vs. starting/continuing an argument (over topics that usually don't matter). Way easier said than done. 

[SHAQATTACK]

I’m enjoying reading this thread .  It’s hearting to hear such honest compassion and love when so much bad is reported day in and day out.

Both my parents are long gone, I was very late child and most people thought they were my grandparents.

Some of The most special moments was the time I spent talking care of them as they grew sick and passed away. Doing all the things they did for me when I was a helpless infant .  I thought it would be hard . But it wasn’t , I found I treasured every moment and every task. Nothing was to o much , it was out shear love . Being with them Helped me deal with their inevitable decline and passing .  Bringing my mother a bowl of her favorite oatmeal , tucking her into bed was special . My dad loved for me to tell him adventures of my childhood …..secrets ….not to revealed until such a time . I can see his wide grin of pleasure. Roles now reversed .

All in all ,  I was there for them as they were for me for so many years.  Last thing they taught me , was how to die with dignity. 

[action781]

I’m enjoying reading this thread .  It’s hearting to hear such honest compassion and love when so much bad is reported day in and day out.

Both my parents are long gone, I was very late child and most people thought they were my grandparents.

Some of The most special moments was the time I spent talking care of them as they grew sick and passed away. Doing all the things they did for me when I was a helpless infant .  I thought it would be hard . But it wasn’t , I found I treasured every moment and every task. Nothing was to o much , it was out shear love . Being with them Helped me deal with their inevitable decline and passing .  Bringing my mother a bowl of her favorite oatmeal , tucking her into bed was special . My dad loved for me to tell him adventures of my childhood …..secrets ….not to revealed until such a time . I can see his wide grin of pleasure. Roles now reversed .

All in all ,  I was there for them as they were for me for so many years.  Last thing they taught me , was how to die with dignity.

That's beautiful man, TP.

[action781]

the ages of the posters here would seem to bracket my own. as for the OP, enjoy your time with your dad and mom, regardless of way they contact you. if you dad likes sitting in a car, great! what sort of things did he put up with when you were younger? 

also, if there is anything you want to say to either parent, do so now. because once they pass away, there is never a chance to do so, ever.

It’s interesting. I was able to be with/ care for my dad in the final weeks of his life. I told him I love him and all that.  Truth be told, we spent 35 years not getting along very well - and I hate to say this - but once he started on morphine, we got along quite well.

 I said what I had to say but if I’m being completely honest I would have liked him to have owned his part for some of the challenges we had.  Our parents’ end of life isn’t just our chance to say what we want/need to say - but it’s their chance too. The only way to give them that chance is to be present.

This is a great perspective to point out.  My Dad is 70, I’m 40.  We had a challenging relationship when I was growing up.  He’s very type A personality, clean and obsessively neat, has to have things his way, done his way, and nobody ever does it right unless he does it himself.  He’s great if you’re training for baseball or wrestling, but hell to live with if you’re trying to find your own way when you’re becoming an adult.  He has a classic 1970s car, still to this day, I’ve never driven it.  I’ve driven my uncles 71 Nova, but not his car.

Things settled down with us a bit once we weren’t living under the same roof anymore but it took about another 7-10 years after that for the tension to finally dissolve.  We’d all be drunk at family reunions and he’d come up and say he loved me and was proud of me and then walk away lol.  Quitting baseball is something he’s never really forgiven me for, but I’ve told him I regret it which seems good enough for him.  I’ve also said to him and my mom that I was sorry that I was so difficult to live with when I was growing up and that I just didn’t know how to manage my emotions then.

And now finally to tie in your point.  He hasn’t once acknowledged or apologized for his role in the fights we use to have, how awful it was to try and live up to his expectations, and how hurtful it was to prioritize possessions over your kids feelings.  Sometimes this stuff comes up and he acts confused and has no memory of certain events happening and I have to privately ask my mom about it to confirm that I’m not crazy haha.

For the most part it’s all been buried.  Him telling me he loves me and is proud is enough, and I don’t think I’ll get much more and that’s ok.  We have a good relationship now and can enjoy a few beers together and go see a baseball game.  Judging from some responses on this thread I should be thankful he said this stuff to me with enough time to move past it and enjoy each other, instead of it happening so close to the end.

All you can do is your best, if you gotta go 70 and they only want to go 30, then it is what it is, focus on the positive relationship you can have right now


I wrote a lot.  Sorry.  I guess some of that was selfishly therapeutic

I'm glad you shared this, man.  I feel you.

I think you hit it right on the head -- all you can do is your best and also just assume that other people are doing their best.  I think a lot of people want/expect perfection or get frustrated/confused when they can't understand why someone would do something that doesn't any make sense through their own life lens. 

I try to remind myself often that most people in this world don't want to hurt the people they care about, then want you to be happy and they want themselves to be happy, and they're really trying their best to do those things in whatever way makes sense to them.