My girl is very upset with me and I need advice.

[JSD]

I'm fuming...

She just text me saying she's staying at her friends tonight...

Send flowers. 


Then let her call you back. 

That would be perfect but she works in the accounts department of a flower warehouse...

[JSD]

I'm fuming...

She just text me saying she's staying at her friends tonight...

you've got a lot more patience than me.

i'd let her know i was emotional about the thing, that i regret what's happened and that i think she's acting like an idiot (no offence). that's me though, not my advice.

No back story.

no problem then (in theory).

Yes I think this is really blowing it out of proportion now.

[wdleehi]

I'm fuming...

She just text me saying she's staying at her friends tonight...

Send flowers. 


Then let her call you back. 

That would be perfect but she works in the accounts department of a flower warehouse...

Well, then name a star after her.   I believe some of Roy's stars are still available..

[JSD]

I'm fuming...

She just text me saying she's staying at her friends tonight...

I hate text messages so much, especially in this case when it's something bad.  Not only is she staying somewhere else, but she just charged you 20 cents to find it out. 

Seriously though, as stupid as it was to write what you did, if it happened two weeks ago and there were no follow-up emails or anything, she's going overboard by staying somewhere else for the night (I'm assuming you live together).  BTW, have you already given her that two-page letter?  Because if so, and she responds to that with a one line text message, that's pretty weak.

Yes I agree very weak... hmm... this sucks.

[JSD]

I'm fuming...

She just text me saying she's staying at her friends tonight...

Send flowers. 


Then let her call you back. 

That would be perfect but she works in the accounts department of a flower warehouse...

Well, then name a star after her.   I believe some of Roy's stars are still available..

I appreciate it but I did that as part of Christmas.

[Rondo2287]

This is nuts, just tell her to build a bridge and get over it.

[nickagneta]

I've been married for 21 years and in love with the same woman for 26 but love of that kind has to be trustworthy and reciprocal. You are about to enter into a decision that is supposed to be binding for life. So, there is a couple of things to look at here:

1.) If after the length of your current relationship she is still going through your e-mails, texts, and phone and you are still visiting sites like MySpace, that as far as I am concerned is nothing more than glorified net hook up site, and complimenting women in a sexual way, are either of you really ready for marriage?

2.) Considering her insecurity, and that's what it is if she is spying on you, and your fear of upsetting her, you're closet smoking and alcohol craziness when not with her, are you even right for each other never mind being married to each other?

Nothing anyone here says will help you to find answers to those questions. Only she and you know the answers to these questions and they are questions you both need to address not just you.

Marriage and relationships are about four main things, love, trust, understanding, and sacrifice. Without these things coming from both ends of the relationship, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Do you love her and does she love you?

Do you trust her and does she trust you?

Do you understand her and accept her for who she is and not what she can become? Does she feel the same way?

Will you sacrifice certain aspects of your life so that the relationship will last? Will she?

If any of the answers to the following questions are "no", Jsaad, my friend, there's a problem and you both need to address them.

Right now there is a tremendous amount of emotion happening that needs to stop before you two can talk. Let it abate. Let her sleep over her girlfriend's house. Time to cool off is good.

Then you two need to talk and address certain things. Love is obviously there but understanding sacrifice and acceptance need work. Let her know everything about everything. Not just this incident but about the smoking and some of the other things she seems to be trying to get you to change. Let her know that there needs to be some sacrifice and acceptance and understanding on her end too.

And if you two are truly committed to each other and can't work it out alone, seek professional counceling.

[celticmaestro]

I'm thinking maybe celticmaestro and I are somehow related.  He's Irish, loved Man Utd, and is exceptionally wise.  He's got to be at least a cousin.

"brothers. and when i say brother, i don't mean, like, an actual brother, but i mean it like the way black people use it, which is more meaningful i think." zoolander.

seriously though, it's quite uncanny. tp.

[Bob Day]

A Tommy Point for Nick for saying, "Nothing anyone here says will help you to find answers to those questions." ...and then providing a load of advice. You made my day. I think the essence of what you shared is on the mark though. Honesty and mutual understanding in couples relationships must reign supreme. These things are necessary for the long term survival of relationships and they can't be either avoided or faked. The trick is figuring out how to accomplish those goals.

[JSD]

I've been married for 21 years and in love with the same woman for 26 but love of that kind has to be trustworthy and reciprocal. You are about to enter into a decision that is supposed to be binding for life. So, there is a couple of things to look at here:

1.) If after the length of your current relationship she is still going through your e-mails, texts, and phone and you are still visiting sites like MySpace, that as far as I am concerned is nothing more than glorified net hook up site, and complimenting women in a sexual way, are either of you really ready for marriage?

2.) Considering her insecurity, and that's what it is if she is spying on you, and your fear of upsetting her, you're closet smoking and alcohol craziness when not with her, are you even right for each other never mind being married to each other?

Nothing anyone here says will help you to find answers to those questions. Only she and you know the answers to these questions and they are questions you both need to address not just you.

Marriage and relationships are about four main things, love, trust, understanding, and sacrifice. Without these things coming from both ends of the relationship, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Do you love her and does she love you?

Do you trust her and does she trust you?

Do you understand her and accept her for who she is and not what she can become? Does she feel the same way?

Will you sacrifice certain aspects of your life so that the relationship will last? Will she?

If any of the answers to the following questions are "no", Jsaad, my friend, there's a problem and you both need to address them.

Right now there is a tremendous amount of emotion happening that needs to stop before you two can talk. Let it abate. Let her sleep over her girlfriend's house. Time to cool off is good.

Then you two need to talk and address certain things. Love is obviously there but understanding sacrifice and acceptance need work. Let her know everything about everything. Not just this incident but about the smoking and some of the other things she seems to be trying to get you to change. Let her know that there needs to be some sacrifice and acceptance and understanding on her end too.

And if you two are truly committed to each other and can't work it out alone, seek professional counceling.

I think with you smoking and drinking you might have mixed me up with another poster...

Do you love her and does she love you? Yes

Do you trust her and does she trust you? Yes, going forward though...

Do you understand her and accept her for who she is and not what she can become? Does she feel the same way? absolutly.

Will you sacrifice certain aspects of your life so that the relationship will last? Will she? I have and will.

Would she go through my cell if I left it at home? Probably

Would she take my cell because she "needs" to know who I've been talking to? No way

I'm considering not responding to this text.

[SShoreFan 2.0]

wow! really, this question was asked? and people are actually responding? i may come off as a jerk, but this is celtics talk. if i wanted to hear about sob lover quarrels i would go to dr. phil's blog. wait a minute, maybe thats where i am now.....

you're right, you are coming off as a jerk....there's many other threads to read on this blog, no one is directing you towards this particular thread.

jssad is a great poster and that's why everyone is chiming in....there's a lot of anonymity with all of us, but it doesn't mean we don't legitimately care about what another has to say; whether it be about the Celtics or a personal issue.  I for one am very grateful for all the kind posts and thoughts that came my way a few weeks ago when my family was having a medical scare.

[TBreezy]

Listen, I have been through a broken engagement and it is not the end of the world - it actually turned out to be the best thing for me (and it was her who started it).  I guess my advice to you would be a little bit different.  Don't buy her anything, don't get on your knees and don't beg.

Send her a message telling her, that you understand that she needs to cool off - but you want to speak with her when she is ready.  In the mean time do some soul searching and figure out WHY you made the comment back.

Then when you sit down with her (at a coffee shop or somewhere impersonal) explain to her you know that you crossed the line, and it wasn't your intent.  That you still love ehr, she is sexy and beautiful and whatever else you think of her.  But remind her, that attraction is human nature - and that you don't get all huffed when she comments on how cute brad pitt is.  It is also not fair to take your comments out of context, and that she should know by now how dedicated you are to her.

You need to understand the social networking world has made it a low easier for us to get taken out of context.  It is very hard to convey innuendo in 12 point Arial font.  There is no change in tone, or visual feedback.  She needs to understand that as well.

It sounds as though she is runnign your life to a degree.  You both need to step up and lay down the funadmental rules of the relationship. If rule 1 has to be "Neither accept nor grant compliments with any party other than yourselves".  Its ridiculous when you see it in writing.

My opinion is that what you said is nothing. cats'll be hollering at my girl as we walk the street, and I'm right there beside her. Its part of life - and also amuses me immensely.

[nickagneta]

I've been married for 21 years and in love with the same woman for 26 but love of that kind has to be trustworthy and reciprocal. You are about to enter into a decision that is supposed to be binding for life. So, there is a couple of things to look at here:

1.) If after the length of your current relationship she is still going through your e-mails, texts, and phone and you are still visiting sites like MySpace, that as far as I am concerned is nothing more than glorified net hook up site, and complimenting women in a sexual way, are either of you really ready for marriage?

2.) Considering her insecurity, and that's what it is if she is spying on you, and your fear of upsetting her, you're closet smoking and alcohol craziness when not with her, are you even right for each other never mind being married to each other?

Nothing anyone here says will help you to find answers to those questions. Only she and you know the answers to these questions and they are questions you both need to address not just you.

Marriage and relationships are about four main things, love, trust, understanding, and sacrifice. Without these things coming from both ends of the relationship, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Do you love her and does she love you?

Do you trust her and does she trust you?

Do you understand her and accept her for who she is and not what she can become? Does she feel the same way?

Will you sacrifice certain aspects of your life so that the relationship will last? Will she?

If any of the answers to the following questions are "no", Jsaad, my friend, there's a problem and you both need to address them.

Right now there is a tremendous amount of emotion happening that needs to stop before you two can talk. Let it abate. Let her sleep over her girlfriend's house. Time to cool off is good.

Then you two need to talk and address certain things. Love is obviously there but understanding sacrifice and acceptance need work. Let her know everything about everything. Not just this incident but about the smoking and some of the other things she seems to be trying to get you to change. Let her know that there needs to be some sacrifice and acceptance and understanding on her end too.

And if you two are truly committed to each other and can't work it out alone, seek professional counceling.

I think with you smoking and drinking you might have mixed me up with another poster...

Do you love her and does she love you? Yes

Do you trust her and does she trust you? Yes, going forward though...

Do you understand her and accept her for who she is and not what she can become? Does she feel the same way? absolutly.

Will you sacrifice certain aspects of your life so that the relationship will last? Will she? I have and will.

Would she go through my cell if I left it at home? Probably

Would she take my cell because she "needs" to know who I've been talking to? No way

I'm considering not responding to this text.

Sorry, that was IP who wrote that, my bad.

Now you have answered those questions, but she now has to as well and in front of you.

Never text when arguing with each other. It has to be verbal or too much can get misconstrued. Let her calm down. Don't respond. Let her make the next contact.

You messed up. You realized it. You apologized. You have assured her that it will not happen again.

Her move. If her move is to sleep at a friend's house she is doing it to calm down or provoke a reaction. Let her calm down and don't play games. Let her contact you and then calmly discuss coming home to have dinner and talk over some issues. And then address all issues. She needs to be held accountable for spying on you and not trusting you.

[iowa plowboy]

If you want to act like a little teenybopper and screw around on myspace or facebook you deserve what you get.

Perhaps get a job?

That's not right.  I now a lot of people with good paying jobs that work hard that have accounts on those type of sites.  

OK.  As usual, Nick said it a lot more tactfully than I did. 

To me, these sites are nothing more than the prototype teenybopper texting somebody sitting right next to them....A collossal waste of time exchanging meaningless information and a great way for predatory behavior to thrive. 

Hopefully this person spends a little more time concentrating on something productive instead of posting on useless sites and watching or listening to Oprohish and DR. Dumbdumb-type advice.  You see, jssad, the people you're wasting your time exchanging sweet nothings with and the Oproh/Dr Dumbdumbs of the world aren't going to pay your attorney fees when she files for divorce...

Don't send flowers.  Act like a grown up. 

[ChampKind]

This is an immensely entertaining thread.  JSaad, I feel for you, man.  I've had hyper sensitive girlfriends before.  The fact of the matter is that she wouldn't be so upset if she didn't care about you, and eventually the rational side will come out and things will return to normal.

How to fix things in the interim?  Man, I don't know.  It sounds like you've gone above and beyond for her so far.  This is the worst part, trying to make things better and waiting for her to come around.  I'm sorry you're in this situation, but since this is becoming a mountain from a molehill, I'm sure you'll be fine in a little time.

Good luck.