Celticsblog Mock GM Press Conferences: Northwest Division

[kw10]

Big Ticket, obviously Lebron James can really put the ball in the hole, apart from him, who else? I know Parker and Biedrins can a little too, but are you not missing a sidekick for Bron or do you see someone stepping up?

[Roy Hobbs]

Coaching staff -- Come on.  It's Norman Dale. "I've seen you guys can shoot but there's more to the game than shooting. There's fundamentals and defense"; "Stick with your man. Think of him as chewing gum. By the end of the game, I want you to know what flavor he is."; "My team is on the floor".  If Norman Dale can get Jimmy Chitwood and six scrubs to beat Oscar Robertson, I think he can handle the Orlando Magics.  Seriously, if he can't get these guys to buy into a team concept, nobody can.

"GM Hobbs, Coach Dale? Uh... over here," says a small woman in her early 50s from the back of the assembled media.  She stands quietly and takes a tattered newspaper clipping out of her pocket.  Clearly a bit nervous, the woman finally collects herself.

"Myra Feener, The Oregonian and Hickory Post Gazette Online. A man your age comes to a place like this, either he's running away from something or he has nowhere else to go."

Coach Dale:  What I'm doing here has *nothing* to do with you.

After letting the gravity of her statement sink in she continues, glaring at a now fidgetting Coach Dale.  "You've had problems in the past getting physical with your players and your coaching staff. This isn't Class A high school ball. Are you sure you're ready for the NBA? How are you going to deal with young "veteran all-stars" like Stoudemire without decking them?"

Coach Dale:  You know, in the ten years that I've coached, I never met anybody who wanted to win as badly as I did. I'd do anything I had to do to increase my advantage. Anybody who tried to block the pursuit of that advantage, I'd just push 'em out of the way. Didn't matter who they were, or what they were doing. But that was then. This team has a special talent, a gift. It's theirs, to do with what they choose. Because that's what I believe, I can tell you this: I don't care if any individual player plays on the team or not.

In terms of Amare, I can relate to him.  People say that he's cocky, that he thinks he's a god on the court.  Is that such a crime?  You know, most people would kill... to be treated like a god, just for a few moments. 
 

[celticmaestro]

Oklahoma City Angry Pickles (aka Thunder/former Sonics)

The Thunder management would like to humbly apologize for their half assed effort on this press conference, but Coach Scals and Media Rep Pollard have been busy coming up with new hair styles for the upcoming season.

Roster

C  - Marcus Camby, Francisco Elson, Scot Pollard (media rep)
PF - Michael Beasley, Craig Smith,  Brian Scalabrine (player/coach)
SF - John Salmons, Antoine Walker, J.R. Giddens
SG - Jamal Crawford, Ricky Davis, Quincy Douby
PG - Stephon Marbury, Marcus Williams, Sam Cassell

Philosophy
We didn't really have much of a draft plan and it showed. The Angry Pickles first time through the draft may have left a bit of a sour taste in the fans mouths but we feel we still have a dilly of a roster.  Our big mistake was not understanding the value of the late first rounder we traded.

That said we were pleased to have our first pick be the pick of the litter in this years rookie class.  Beasley is going to be an animal.  After that we  somehow we started to end up with some knuckleheads and rather to run from it we decided to embrace it.  Enter Marbury, Ricky Davis, Antoine & friends.

The key to the Angry Pickles having some semblance of respectability in this thing was the acquisition of Marcus Camby to fill the center spot.  A proven vet who has been more healthy the past couple season's Camby will swat whatever comes his way. 

The only other player trade we made was to acquire PF Craig Smith to come in with some muscle off the bench.  We think he'll add a bit of mental stability to our squad as well.

We should be able to score in bunches if we can find enough balls to go around.  Crawford should flourish in our system.

The Staff
From the outset is was our aim was to appoint Brian Scalabrine as our player/coach.  We feel he embodies the true spirit of the Angry Pickle and will be the vinegar that brings the tang to the Oklahoma fans.  To ensure we did not miss out on our main man we traded 2 14th rounders and a 15th rounder to move up and draft Scals in the 13th round.



"This really showed the kind of intangible commitment I look for in management.  I'm [dang] proud to be an Angry Pickle."

Rounding out the coaching staff, OKC hired Scot Pollard as Media Rep and occasional hobbled center action, as well as Ubuntu Master Sam Cassell to offer hugs and smiles for all (and an occasional unnecessary shot).

Conclusion

We're not that great, but I think we'd win some games.  We'd certainly be entertaining.  Never, ever, undestimate the heart of an Angry Pickle

 

Outstanding. I just can't wait for the launch of "PicklesBlog.com" TP for you Redz.

[Gainesville Celtic]

Scribbles, any worry about playing the oft-injured McGrady at the 3? I mean, wouldn't he be better off at the 2 where he has a mismatch near enough every night? That would enable you to ship Joe Johnson out for an adequate and healthy SF.

I'm gonna slightly disagree with you here Maestro --- I like Scribbles' pairing of TMac with JJ since it lessens the burden at the 2/3 for both.  I think in the past some of TMac's problems have come from teams being able to double him, with JJ needing as much if not more defensive attention, i think they're perfect compliments.

My 2 biggest concerns/questions for the Jazz are:

1. Defense -- Diop is solid, but Aldridge and Udrih are weak points. No defense coming off the bnch really either.

2. Backup SF/SG -- This contradicts the previous comment, but I'd almost look to try and move Diop (he and Rasho are a push, though Diop is much better defensively and therefore more attracitve trade bait) for a SF/SG that could be a spot starter for when TMac inevitably goes down for 20 games. Someone like Matt Barnes or Tony Allen or Josh Childress (before he went overseas).

[Roy Hobbs]

Redz:  why are your pickles so angry?  Is coach Scalabrine going to embrace that approach, or will he instead go with a more "mellow cucumber" philosophy?

[Redz]

Redz:  why are your pickles so angry?  Is coach Scalabrine going to embrace that approach, or will he instead go with a more "mellow cucumber" philosophy?

Good question Roy.  I guess the best answer as to why my pickles are so angry is BECAUSE I SAID SO [dang it]!

And Scals will most definitely get the program.  Look at the man.  He's badass

[Roy Hobbs]

The Portland Trailblazers have announced that they have dedicated the 2008-09 season to the memory of Kevin "Duck" Duckworth, who died today at the age of 44.  Duckworth passed away while hosting a free basketball clinic for children, in connection with  his duties as a Trailblazers Heritage Ambassador.

Team president Roy Hobbs states "Kevin Duckworth was a big part of this franchise.  On a personal level, I remember watching him on the great Blazers teams of the early 90s while I lived out here as a teen.  Those are some of my fondest basketball memories.  The big fella will be missed".

Blazers vice-president Larry Miller added, "Today is an extremely sad day for the Trail Blazers family.  Kevin will be remembered by fans as one of the most popular and recognizable players to ever wear the Blazers uniform, but to people who knew him, he'll be remembered as one of the warmest and biggest-hearted."

[Gainesville Celtic]

Roster

C  - Marcus Camby, Francisco Elson, Scot Pollard (media rep)
PF - Michael Beasley, Craig Smith,  Brian Scalabrine (player/coach)
SF - John Salmons, Antoine Walker, J.R. Giddens
SG - Jamal Crawford, Ricky Davis, Quincy Douby
PG - Stephon Marbury, Marcus Williams, Sam Cassell

Philosophy
We didn't really have much of a draft plan and it showed. The Angry Pickles first time through the draft may have left a bit of a sour taste in the fans mouths but we feel we still have a dilly of a roster.  Our big mistake was not understanding the value of the late first rounder we traded.

Redz --- A couple strategy questions:

1. I was actually shocked by the pick of Beasley with the #5 pick (especially with Billups, Iverson, and even Bynum on the board; but I've been wrong with college kids before) did you consider anyone else?

2. Even with a late first you could have built around guys like Roy, Joe Johnson or Iguodala... what was the thinking on moving that #1 pick (and no i'm not bitter that my offer was better than Roy's but was just a few mins too late).

[Redz]

wow, that's a bummer.  Duckworth was a good player for that team for a long time.  Never great, but always good. 

[Gainesville Celtic]

The Portland Trailblazers have announced that they have dedicated the 2008-09 season to the memory of Kevin "Duck" Duckworth, who died today at the age of 44.  Duckworth passed away while hosting a free basketball clinic for children, in connection with  his duties as a Trailblazers Heritage Ambassador.

Team president Roy Hobbs states "Kevin Duckworth was a big part of this franchise.  On a personal level, I remember watching him on the great Blazers teams of the early 90s while I lived out here as a teen.  Those are some of my fondest basketball memories.  The big fella will be missed".

Blazers vice-president Larry Miller added, "Today is an extremely sad day for the Trail Blazers family.  Kevin will be remembered by fans as one of the most popular and recognizable players to ever wear the Blazers uniform, but to people who knew him, he'll be remembered as one of the warmest and biggest-hearted."

wow, is this true?  if so really, really sad.  I always liked Duckworth -- as i do all "bigger" players like me (Brandon Hunter, Thomas Hamilton, Barkley, Radja, Ducky....)

RIP KD.

[Roy Hobbs]

wow, is this true?

Unfortunately, yes.  (I'm not so tasteless as to fake a player death for our draft.)  I was always very fond of Duckworth.  He seemed like a pretty easy-going, fun-loving guy, who cared about the team and the community.

[Redz]

Roster

C  - Marcus Camby, Francisco Elson, Scot Pollard (media rep)
PF - Michael Beasley, Craig Smith,  Brian Scalabrine (player/coach)
SF - John Salmons, Antoine Walker, J.R. Giddens
SG - Jamal Crawford, Ricky Davis, Quincy Douby
PG - Stephon Marbury, Marcus Williams, Sam Cassell

Philosophy
We didn't really have much of a draft plan and it showed. The Angry Pickles first time through the draft may have left a bit of a sour taste in the fans mouths but we feel we still have a dilly of a roster.  Our big mistake was not understanding the value of the late first rounder we traded.

Redz --- A couple strategy questions:

1. I was actually shocked by the pick of Beasley with the #5 pick (especially with Billups, Iverson, and even Bynum on the board; but I've been wrong with college kids before) did you consider anyone else?

2. Even with a late first you could have built around guys like Roy, Joe Johnson or Iguodala... what was the thinking on moving that #1 pick (and no i'm not bitter that my offer was better than Roy's but was just a few mins too late).

Honestly GC, I didn't have much of a plan.  I traded the first pick to Roy because I thought with my next pick coming so soon after it didn't make much difference and I'd make it up with later picks.  Clearly a flawed strategy.

I took Beasley because I thought he was the best talent available at that slot and I liked the idea of focusing around a new guy with the move to OKC. 

But as a whole I have not had as much time to dedicate to this thing as many of you have.  I'm starting to "get" the idea behind this league more than I did at the outset, and I guess I would have done things a bit differently.  Honestly though, I like that my team has a bit of a theme to it.  Without a concrete scoring system my math brain is going to give way to my humor brain and try to just have fun with this.

[Gainesville Celtic]

Roster

C  - Marcus Camby, Francisco Elson, Scot Pollard (media rep)
PF - Michael Beasley, Craig Smith,  Brian Scalabrine (player/coach)
SF - John Salmons, Antoine Walker, J.R. Giddens
SG - Jamal Crawford, Ricky Davis, Quincy Douby
PG - Stephon Marbury, Marcus Williams, Sam Cassell

Philosophy
We didn't really have much of a draft plan and it showed. The Angry Pickles first time through the draft may have left a bit of a sour taste in the fans mouths but we feel we still have a dilly of a roster.  Our big mistake was not understanding the value of the late first rounder we traded.

Redz --- A couple strategy questions:

1. I was actually shocked by the pick of Beasley with the #5 pick (especially with Billups, Iverson, and even Bynum on the board; but I've been wrong with college kids before) did you consider anyone else?

2. Even with a late first you could have built around guys like Roy, Joe Johnson or Iguodala... what was the thinking on moving that #1 pick (and no i'm not bitter that my offer was better than Roy's but was just a few mins too late).

Honestly GC, I didn't have much of a plan.  I traded the first pick to Roy because I thought with my next pick coming so soon after it didn't make much difference and I'd make it up with later picks.  Clearly a flawed strategy.

I took Beasley because I thought he was the best talent available at that slot and I liked the idea of focusing around a new guy with the move to OKC. 

But as a whole I have not had as much time to dedicate to this thing as many of you have.  I'm starting to "get" the idea behind this league more than I did at the outset, and I guess I would have done things a bit differently.  Honestly though, I like that my team has a bit of a theme to it.  Without a concrete scoring system my math brain is going to give way to my humor brain and try to just have fun with this.

I think that the 3rd category we should add to (1) best teams and (2) best teams of the future is (3) funniest GMs.

off the top of my head, Redz (OKC) and Edgar (DAL) are 2 of the funniest.  Redz if nothing else for changing from the Thunder to the Angry Pickles. "That's GOLD Jerry, GOLD!"; and the later if nothing else for his constant scrolling text which I for some reason find hilarious.  They've both had lots of other funny moments but those have brough ongoing smiles to my face throughout the draft

I'd like to think that Gainesville Celtic (ORL) would crack the top 5 but i leave that to others...

[The Walker Wiggle]

I say my most important guy is Amare.  If he commits himself defensively and really buys into a team concept, this team has the potential to be unstoppable.  He's already the best offensive big man in the NBA, and he has the potential to be better.  If he fulfills his potential this season, Portland *will* win the championship, there's not a doubt in my mind.  In terms of talent, there's no way this kid should have been available to me at #9.  He just needs to up his commitment on D (which will be helped by sliding over to the 4) and focus entirely on basketball.  There's little doubt in my mind that Coach Dale will get through to him.

So Roy is already aware of my skepticism, leaving that aside, the above style of argument is a league-wide trend that I'd love to head off. In as abstract an exercise as this, it's best - in my opinion - if GMs keep to a minimum their efforts to change a leopard's spots. I don't want to head off all debate, certainly there will be players in the '08-'09 season who will out perform expectations (and each GM rightly believes those are his guys). But more than likely Milicic will be impressive only in fits and starts; Durant won't begin scoring on the block next season; and Amare, despite having all the physical tools, will remain a woefully uninspired defender. (For example, he didn't look any better defending power forwards next to O'Neal than he did defending centers next to Marion, who is anyway, a far, far, better defender than either Shaq or Al Horford.)

P.S. Gainesville gets my vote for "Best Sense of Humor" elective.

[Redz]

and the later if nothing else for his constant scrolling text which I for some reason find hilarious. 

[dang] GC, Why didn't you say so sooner, I've been busting my rear here trying to get laughs out of you all

Who knew it was so easy?

Oklahoma City Angry Pickles (aka Thunder/former Sonics)