I think I started playing organized competitive hoops when I was 9 or 10.
I did not have a hardass coach and probably would have hated it if I did at that point. We were the only Temple team in the Church league I was in. We ended up barely winning enough games to make the playoffs my first year and I'll never forget the jerk coach on the other team. They had by far the best team in the league and we were not that great. Their coach had their team in a full court press the entire game and beat us something like 42-1 (I'll also never forget how **** happy we were when our best player hit a free throw to end the shutout). It was pretty ridiculous.
Your still going have a lot of kids who don't really "get" the competition aspect of it, but I know I sure was playing to win, and was disappointed when we lost. But I always loved legit competition and would have rather lost a game in real competition then play some fluffy game.
I guess it depends on the kid.
It is totally possible to play to win without being obsessed by it. I do think legit competition of some sort is important.
ie: playing to win in a game of Candyland vs. my kindergartener (I RULE AT CANDYLAND
...I like to do a little in your face dance when I win
)