This guy's pretty toxic around here, and he has an awful contract but he's the most talented guy left and we can afford him, so the Knicks will take
Charlie Villanueva ($8.06) as a 3rd string stretch 4 and emergency backup.
In an effort to shed Charlie's bad reputation and appeal to a broader audience, we will be changing his name to
Charlie Newtown and borrowing Stan Sitwell's broad line of hair- and eyebrow-pieces for Charlie to wear, symbolizing the fresh start he'll be getting in his new town of NYC.
So please help the Knicks welcome Charlie Newtown!