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Other Discussions => Off Topic => Topic started by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:33:14 PM

Title: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:33:14 PM
So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2013, 03:36:25 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: kozlodoev on January 31, 2013, 03:37:29 PM
Get something that you _would_ actually use to keep stuff out of the way.

Also, what the heck is "a cozy"?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: barefacedmonk on January 31, 2013, 03:38:43 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: More Banners on January 31, 2013, 03:39:52 PM
I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:40:36 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.
Yeah, I hear that, but I know I am not going to use the drawers, so even if I use them for a week or two, I will revert back to not using them at some point.  Hence the problem.

And this is about as big a battle as the wife and I have.  We have a near perfect relationship.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Yoki_IsTheName on January 31, 2013, 03:40:45 PM
My advice, run away and never come back. LOL

Seriously, Chris is right. Im not married but my dad told me the same thing. Parents are still happily married for 37 years and counting.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Lucky17 on January 31, 2013, 03:42:46 PM
I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.

TP for the chuckle.

Like most have said, pick your battles. Get rid of the cozy (whatever that is), put your stuff either on or in the desk for a while.

If the desk isn't working for you, replace it down the line.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: BballTim on January 31, 2013, 03:42:55 PM
So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

  Maybe you could keep your wallet, keys and watch on your dresser and keep some items that you don't use as often in the drawers.

  I don't know how long you've been married or what your wife is like but I think "well I guess you shouldn't have" in any tone of voice is something of a "waving a red cape in front of a bull" situation. Good luck.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chief on January 31, 2013, 03:44:21 PM
So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

Barter with her.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:44:31 PM
I guess the first thing is to figure out whether this is really a big deal.

Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Last night, she threatens to go in the basement and rearrange all of my tools.  I suggest she is allergic to tools (hinting that I could use a little help with our home remodel/renovation/updating that is now 3 years and halfway in).

So today, we returned to the stupid spice thing, then I made breakfast.  Then she did some primering in the spare bedroom.

And all is well.

Happens all the time.

TP for the chuckle.

Like most have said, pick your battles. Get rid of the cozy (whatever that is), put your stuff either on or in the desk for a while.

If the desk isn't working for you, replace it down the line.
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2013, 03:45:18 PM
but I know I am not going to use the drawers,

(roleplay as your wife) But why aren't you going to use the drawers?

Hint: there is no good answer to this question, because it is about personal preference.  And personal preference is where dumb arguments come from.  Be the bigger man, use the drawers.

And then if you ever are annoyed with her, you can reserve the right to not use the drawers as a passive aggressive attack. 

The question is not whether you are right, or she is right.  The question is who can make the others life more miserable if they don't get their way.  And if your marriage is like 99% of marriages in the world, the answer is she can make your life much more miserable. 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: fairweatherfan on January 31, 2013, 03:47:23 PM
Mrs. Banners and I sometimes go rounds over household things.  For no reason I can fathom, she organizes spices by the size of the freakin' jar the stuff is in, rather than by category or anything that actually makes sense.  So I rearranged, thinking how great things are now in the kitchen.  That was 2 weeks ago.

Aesthetics.  That's the answer to 90% of the organizational/decorating stuff wives do that doesn't make sense to us.

Same deal with Moranis I'm guessing.  She likes the cleaner look of things tucked away in the nice new desk.  He prefers the practicality of having things available and not smushed into a drawer. 

Ultimately it's a small change and probably worth going along with to keep the peace.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: kozlodoev on January 31, 2013, 03:47:38 PM
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:49:06 PM
but I know I am not going to use the drawers,

(roleplay as your wife) But why aren't you going to use the drawers?

Hint: there is no good answer to this question, because it is about personal preference.  And personal preference is where dumb arguments come from.  Be the bigger man, use the drawers.

And then if you ever are annoyed with her, you can reserve the right to not use the drawers as a passive aggressive attack. 

The question is not whether you are right, or she is right.  The question is who can make the others life more miserable if they don't get their way.  And if your marriage is like 99% of marriages in the world, the answer is she can make your life much more miserable.
very true, but I just won't use the drawers, I know myself. No matter how much effort I put in, I will always go back to not using the drawers. And there are plenty of reasons to not use drawers, as drawers stack things, move things around, etc. which can cause scratches and other damage, which isn't good for phones, watches, etc.  Not to mention, it is a pain to always open and close drawers on things you need. Plus, you can't charge things in drawers as there are no holes to allow you to do it.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 03:50:44 PM
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)
See I thought that what's we were doing by getting the thing for the entryway and getting the stuff out of the kitchen. A basket would be even worse than the cozy for my wife, way less clean.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: BballTim on January 31, 2013, 03:51:02 PM
On the desk would be worse because then the stuff would move around all over the place.  It isn't the cozy, it is that it is visible at all.
It seems it's clear what the issue is -- instead of "doing as wife says" (which tends to produce unintended consequences as in your case), better talk to her about finding a solution that will work for both of you.

We have a basket for mail/wallets/other small stuff and a hook for keys -- mostly because I can never remember where I put my stuff. Apparently I'm like small kids and dogs (who allegedly thrive on structure) :)

  I have 2-3 places where I set things down. If something's not in one of the spots I might as well start a grid search because it  could literally be almost anywhere in the house.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: JSD on January 31, 2013, 03:58:06 PM
Does Mrs. Moranis know that your reluctance to go along is due in part to fear of reverting back to old habits? Maybe just explain it: "Look, old habits die hard, if I forget to do it once and a while have my back and file my stuff into the drawers. Eventually ill get it". I think it's perfectly fair game to give her some responsibility in matter.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on January 31, 2013, 03:59:45 PM
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: JSD on January 31, 2013, 04:02:51 PM
As far as smoothing the tiff over, a small gift and romantic gesture like a hand written note should do the trick. Then summarize her concerns and offer your solution.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2013, 04:03:43 PM
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.

Yeah, my wife always gets on my for leaving my things around.  On top of the desk, on the coffee table, pretty much on any surface.  She just has accepted that.  But when she asks me to clean it up, (of if I know we are having company), my answer is "ok".  I de-escalate the situation, rather than picking a fight.  And yes, just stating the obvious, can be picking a fight.

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2013, 04:04:27 PM
As far as smoothing the tiff over, a small gift and romantic gesture like a hand written note should do the trick. Then summarize her concerns and offer your solution.

Are you married?  Because that to me sounds like the makings of a much bigger fight. 

edit: I should clarify, I mean the part about summarizing her concerns and offering your solution.  That's just poking the bear.  And if you do that after giving a small gift and romantic gesture, not only does it completely wipe out the romantic gesture, but it turns the romantic gesture into an attack.  In general, a good rule of thumb is, never buy an apologetic present, unless you are ACTUALLY apologizing, not continuing the argument. 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: LooseCannon on January 31, 2013, 04:04:38 PM
Find objects that "obviously" should go in the drawers.  Now your wallet/keys/phone won't fit.

Maybe you can get one of those charging valets.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: bdm860 on January 31, 2013, 04:05:33 PM
I'm having a hard time visualizing the layout.  Any chance of some kind of picture?

Also what kind of stuff do you have?  You mentioned wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc.,  What's the etc.?  How big's the drawer, what could get squished?  (Because if you had your own drawer, what you mentioned doesn't seem like that much stuff to me).

Maybe you can compromise.  Phone in the drawer makes no sense, maybe you can reason that with her.  So how about you just leave the phone out, and work on leaving the keys and wallet in the drawer (doesn't really matter if they get squished or scratched does it?  And I don't know how attached you are to your watch, but maybe try to ditch that (with cell phones, it's really just a bracelet now anyways), or maybe put it somewhere else like in the bedroom?  Or even get some kind of watch case so it won't get scratched in the drawer (http://www.mywatchmaker.net/watchcases/watchcaseO2.jpg)?  So instead of leaving 4 things out, you're down to 1.  I dunno, but there might be some kind of compromise.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Reggie's Ghost on January 31, 2013, 04:13:55 PM
Mrs. Ghost & I go back and forth about stuff like this all the time.  My suggestion: get a decorative bowl set atop the item your wife bought, and put your items in there.  It keeps things loose, but doesn't look like a yard sale.

Happy wife, happy life my brother ;)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Pucaccia on January 31, 2013, 04:17:51 PM
So, a few weeks back, my wife says, I'd like to buy this (showing me a picture of a desk like thing) for the entryway so that you can put your stuff in it so I can have my kitchen back (we have a cozy on a counter in the kitchen and the mail is next to it, which takes up a lot of that counter).  I say, I don't think  we really need it, but do what you want.  So she buys it and it gets here two days ago.  I help her put it together and put it in its place.  Yesterday I move the cozy from the kitchen to the entryway and put my stuff on top of the cozy.  My wife gets all upset because I am not using the drawers and am instead using the cozy on the top of table.  I say, I don't like using drawers for my stuff, because things gets scratched, squished, lost, etc. and was always going to just the cozy on top.  She says, its ugly, visible from the door, etc. and if I would have known you weren't going to use the drawers wouldn't have bought it.  I say well I guess you shouldn't have.

Now don't get me wrong, I know I got caught up a bit, but neither of us raised voices or anything, but my wife is still all irritated at me today.  I know I'm not going to use the drawers for my wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc., but at the same time would like to smooth this little tiff over, I just have no idea how to do it.  I mean I am after all using the thing I didn't want to buy to begin with, I am just not using it correctly in my wife's eyes. I am at a loss as to what to do in this particular case, any advice would be welcome.

Thanks

Solutions:

1.  Question: Is her evil monthly friend around?
If yes.  Just get some chocolate. Easy...

2. Stand your ground and don't give in.

3. Smash it and problem solved.

4. Does the TV fit in your garage?

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: fairweatherfan on January 31, 2013, 04:18:35 PM
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


/warning: contents of post for entertainment purposes only.  Written by trained professional.  Do not attempt.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Fafnir on January 31, 2013, 04:19:08 PM
I think we need pictures of this cozy.

My wife did something similar with our entryway, putting a large buffet with draws there.  The drawers get misused, and my stuff still goes on top of it.
This is what has happened in our entryway as well. Charging station has drawers full of junk so my wallet and keys end up on top along with the unopened mail that's not for just me usually.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 04:19:47 PM
I'm having a hard time visualizing the layout.  Any chance of some kind of picture?

Also what kind of stuff do you have?  You mentioned wallet, phone, watch, keys, etc.,  What's the etc.?  How big's the drawer, what could get squished?  (Because if you had your own drawer, what you mentioned doesn't seem like that much stuff to me).

Maybe you can compromise.  Phone in the drawer makes no sense, maybe you can reason that with her.  So how about you just leave the phone out, and work on leaving the keys and wallet in the drawer (doesn't really matter if they get squished or scratched does it?  And I don't know how attached you are to your watch, but maybe try to ditch that (with cell phones, it's really just a bracelet now anyways), or maybe put it somewhere else like in the bedroom?  So instead of leaving 4 things out, you're down to 1.  I dunno.
In my pockets or on my person when I am out, I have eye drops, chewing gum, car keys, wallet, and watch, and sometimes change, satellite/mp3 player, headphones, and blue tooth receiver (which I charge).  I put spare eye drops, gum, cough drops, pens, headphones, and things like that in one of the drawers to begin with.  Just the ones I use regularly are on the cozy. 

I am at work, so I can't upload any pictures for you guys.  The cozy is wood and actually matches the color of the dresser thing, so it doesn't look bad in that regard. It has a top portion, three slants for phones with holes for chargers, and a small drawer at the bottom.  It is maybe 5 inches tall, a foot deep, and a foot wide.

Here is the dresser thing http://www.samsclub.com/sams/holden-sideboard/prod7000036.ip?navAction=push (http://www.samsclub.com/sams/holden-sideboard/prod7000036.ip?navAction=push)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 04:20:34 PM
Moranis, I get in those types of kerfuffles all teh time (and since she (we?) got pregnant, I mean literally all the time. Pregnant women are nuts.). I don't have much advice for you, most times I let her have her way, but sometimes, when something defies logic so profanely that I cannot bear to allow it to pass without mention, we get into it.

Usually she apologizes for making a big deal out of nothing, and I apologize for not just letting it go, which might tell you something about how these things are meant to be.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on January 31, 2013, 04:23:01 PM
What about buying a storage valet for your stuff?  Something like this would seemingly be presentable enough:

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQcYhMybxtaH8XcvuxE5C3Fn6t-A597wLKeL2PaPpQpCpmfPZ1X)

I have a simpler version for my nightstand; it works great.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on January 31, 2013, 04:25:56 PM
What about buying a storage valet for your stuff?  Something like this would seemingly be presentable enough:

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQcYhMybxtaH8XcvuxE5C3Fn6t-A597wLKeL2PaPpQpCpmfPZ1X)

I have a simpler version for my nightstand; it works great.
that is what the cozy is basically, except it doesn't open and close, the stuff just sits on top.  It has nice felt and stuff.  It actually looks pretty nice.  She just wants everything in the drawers and out of the way, which just seems odd to me.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Fafnir on January 31, 2013, 04:26:16 PM
So storage valet = murse = man's jewelry box right?

 ;)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on January 31, 2013, 04:27:00 PM
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


/warning: contents of post for entertainment purposes only.  Written by trained professional.  Do not attempt.


You forgot the part where the next day you say, "You've been eating a lot of chocolate.  Maybe it's time to get you a gym membership".  Guaranteed success.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Fafnir on January 31, 2013, 04:28:21 PM
booo to putting the fine print on your hilarious post fwf.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: fairweatherfan on January 31, 2013, 04:30:23 PM
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


/warning: contents of post for entertainment purposes only.  Written by trained professional.  Do not attempt.


You forgot the part where the next day you say, "You've been eating a lot of chocolate.  Maybe it's time to get you a gym membership".  Guaranteed success.

She already got a gym membership for Christmas.  It was the surprise bonus gift hidden in the bag for the new vacuum. 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: CelticConcourse on January 31, 2013, 04:32:16 PM
My advice?

Draw the users.
Use the drawers.

No big fuss, and e'rythin'll be all right.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: bdm860 on January 31, 2013, 04:33:08 PM
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


/warning: contents of post for entertainment purposes only.  Written by trained professional.  Do not attempt.


You forgot the part where the next day you say, "You've been eating a lot of chocolate.  Maybe it's time to get you a gym membership".  Guaranteed success.

She already got a gym membership for Christmas.  It was the surprise bonus gift hidden in the bag for the new vacuum.

And if she gets a little upset at this, just tell her:

If you want to sleep on the couch tonight, I'll understand.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on January 31, 2013, 04:34:28 PM
What about buying a storage valet for your stuff?  Something like this would seemingly be presentable enough:

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQcYhMybxtaH8XcvuxE5C3Fn6t-A597wLKeL2PaPpQpCpmfPZ1X)

I have a simpler version for my nightstand; it works great.
that is what the cozy is basically, except it doesn't open and close, the stuff just sits on top.  It has nice felt and stuff.  It actually looks pretty nice.  She just wants everything in the drawers and out of the way, which just seems odd to me.

Well, I'm with you.  It would drive me crazy, if the thing isn't an eyesore. 

Does the cozy fit in the drawers?  It seems like an inefficient waste of time and space, but I suppose it's a potential compromise.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 04:35:08 PM
Sit her down, give her a piece of chocolate (dames love chocolate), and explain to her slowly and carefully why she's upset and why that is a foolish and irrational way to feel.  If she interrupts or tries to correct you, repeat yourself slower and more loudly. 

When it seems like she's getting it, pat her gently on the head, wink, and say "now don't you feel a little silly?  That could've ruined the game for me."  Give her another piece of chocolate, put your feet up, and knock out a few beers.  Sneak the empties into the desk drawers if you want to share a few laughs together later, but that's optional - you've earned a little "me" time.


/warning: contents of post for entertainment purposes only.  Written by trained professional.  Do not attempt.


Oh man that's hilarious.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 04:39:22 PM
What about buying a storage valet for your stuff?  Something like this would seemingly be presentable enough:

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQcYhMybxtaH8XcvuxE5C3Fn6t-A597wLKeL2PaPpQpCpmfPZ1X)

I have a simpler version for my nightstand; it works great.
that is what the cozy is basically, except it doesn't open and close, the stuff just sits on top.  It has nice felt and stuff.  It actually looks pretty nice.  She just wants everything in the drawers and out of the way, which just seems odd to me.

Well, I'm with you.  It would drive me crazy, if the thing isn't an eyesore. 

Does the cozy fit in the drawers?  It seems like an inefficient waste of time and space, but I suppose it's a potential compromise.

Bull-crap it is. That jackbooted thug Moranis called a wife already got her compromise with the desk/sideboard thingy! Now he's gotta put his man-box into her lady drawers on top of everything?!

Im invested now. Moranis, you put your wallet and crap on the kitchen counter, lean back in a kitchen chair and see what happens. Next move is hers.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2013, 04:41:40 PM

Im invested now. Moranis, you put your wallet and crap on the kitchen counter, lean back in a kitchen chair and see what happens. Next move is hers.

I still think this is much better than actually trying to argue it. 

Use your actions, not your words.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: sofutomygaha on January 31, 2013, 04:50:49 PM
You guys are way more rational with your wives than you are with your trade ideas.

I'm with Roy, we need to see a photo of this cozy.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Snakehead on January 31, 2013, 05:12:48 PM
A great thread to read as a single man.

Giving me a nice window into the future me.  Cozy issues.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: angryguy77 on January 31, 2013, 05:33:22 PM
For the benefite of the forum, I took the liberty to illustrate how this conversation really went:

(http://popstrip.com/s/assimilate/frames/assimilate-003.png)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Bahku on January 31, 2013, 05:35:30 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: angryguy77 on January 31, 2013, 05:37:45 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)

Bad advice, you do this and I guarantee the next thing she demands is that you don't leave your socks and boxers on the bathroom floor.

Take a stand for all mankind, you're our only hope.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Mr Green on January 31, 2013, 05:44:16 PM
“A happy wife is a happy life,” - J.J. Redick
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Bahku on January 31, 2013, 06:01:16 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)

Bad advice, you do this and I guarantee the next thing she demands is that you don't leave your socks and boxers on the bathroom floor.

Take a stand for all mankind, you're our only hope.
You've clearly had very little experience with the fairer sex ... but then, some of us learn the hard way. I wish you minimal damage in your future negotiations ... and good luck with that. ;)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: nickagneta on January 31, 2013, 06:23:28 PM
Best advice you will read here.

Start using the drawers, but write a note on a piece of paper saying:

"DO NOT PUT STUFF DOWN HERE. OPEN THE DRAWER AND PUT THEM IN THERE!"

Then tape that note to the top of the desk.

When the wife gets mad at seeing a piece of paper taped to her new desk where everyone can see it say:

"Sweetheart, I know you HATE the cozy on the desk so I started using the drawers but I can never remember to put my stuff in the drawers so I wrote myself this reminder note so that every time I go to put stuff down there I will remember to open the drawer and put my stuff in there. It's just temporary until I change my habits and start using the drawer. I'm doing it for you because I know how much you hate the cozy and hate when I just leave stuff on the top of the desk."

Then never take the sign down. Before you know it the wife will have all your stuff in the cozy and will have found a way to decorate around the cozy to take the "ugliness" out of the cozy being there.

Or just do what everyone else said and start using the drawers and like it. You have bigger battles to fight and win later on. Believe me, you do!!

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: nickagneta on January 31, 2013, 06:34:11 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)

Bad advice, you do this and I guarantee the next thing she demands is that you don't leave your socks and boxers on the bathroom floor.

Take a stand for all mankind, you're our only hope.
You've clearly had very little experience with the fairer sex ... but then, some of us learn the hard way. I wish you minimal damage in your future negotiations ... and good luck with that. ;)
I'm pretty sure angryguy was making a joke but if he wasn't, I understand the moniker now. His wife and him are always fighting and he's angry!!! ;D
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: KG Living Legend on January 31, 2013, 07:20:24 PM

 Have to chime in here. Return the useless purchase. Ask her for help solving the problem so she feels involved. Tell her a small basket near the door would be fine. Something simple that only your stuff goes into.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on January 31, 2013, 07:20:50 PM
Best advice you will read here.

Start using the drawers, but write a note on a piece of paper saying:

"DO NOT PUT STUFF DOWN HERE. OPEN THE DRAWER AND PUT THEM IN THERE!"

Then tape that note to the top of the desk.

When the wife gets mad at seeing a piece of paper taped to her new desk where everyone can see it say:

"Sweetheart, I know you HATE the cozy on the desk so I started using the drawers but I can never remember to put my stuff in the drawers so I wrote myself this reminder note so that every time I go to put stuff down there I will remember to open the drawer and put my stuff in there. It's just temporary until I change my habits and start using the drawer. I'm doing it for you because I know how much you hate the cozy and hate when I just leave stuff on the top of the desk."

Then never take the sign down. Before you know it the wife will have all your stuff in the cozy and will have found a way to decorate around the cozy to take the "ugliness" out of the cozy being there.

Or just do what everyone else said and start using the drawers and like it. You have bigger battles to fight and win later on. Believe me, you do!!

Haha.  I like it.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Celtics4ever on January 31, 2013, 08:11:20 PM
Put saran wrap over the toilet, make sure you lift up the lid first and smooth it out but that will teach the fairer sex to mess with you.  See how she likes it when she is covered with her own urine.

Of course, I am kidding.  Point out how it organizes your stuff.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Smokeeye123 on January 31, 2013, 08:30:01 PM
The real question here is who has an argument with their wife about drawers and thinks to themselves "Boy I better see what Celticsblog thinks about this".
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Bahku on January 31, 2013, 08:30:39 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)

Bad advice, you do this and I guarantee the next thing she demands is that you don't leave your socks and boxers on the bathroom floor.

Take a stand for all mankind, you're our only hope.
You've clearly had very little experience with the fairer sex ... but then, some of us learn the hard way. I wish you minimal damage in your future negotiations ... and good luck with that. ;)
I'm pretty sure angryguy was making a joke but if he wasn't, I understand the moniker now. His wife and him are always fighting and he's angry!!! ;D
Thanks, I knew that, which is why I replied in the same way, (hence the winky).

Though it is true, it's a battle futile.

TP for your answer though, Nick, true success in that situation is in doing what you would do anyway, as long as they believe it was their idea or their divine guidance that brought about the result.

A tricky line to walk at times.

(Besides, who the heck am I to give advice on this subject ... I've yet to have a successful, lasting relationship with a woman.

Wisdom from failure, as it were, (a king's ransom worth).  ;) ;D

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: CelticConcourse on January 31, 2013, 08:37:14 PM
The real question here is who has an argument with their wife about drawers and thinks to themselves "Boy I better see what Celticsblog thinks about this".

LOL.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: crownsy on January 31, 2013, 08:48:13 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.


as my man Phil from duck dynasty says, happy wife, happy life.



I recommend saying "hey, I shouldn't have said that, I'll try to use the drawers, it's a nice desk."
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: BballTim on January 31, 2013, 09:00:03 PM
Use the drawers...its not a biggie. Little things like these add up. Women keep count. Trust me. I'm going through hell right now and now I wish I had paid attention to all the little things that seemed "silly" and "why is she mad at that?" back then.
Much wisdom here ... life is far too short to sweat the small stuff, and the big problems will seem much smaller when they come if you've learned how to minimize the impact of the little ones. Nothing's 100%, but generally with women you can't win, but you can lose. ;)

  Even when you *do* win, it's a loss in the long run.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Cman on January 31, 2013, 09:02:37 PM
Also, what the heck is "a cozy"?

^^^this.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Eja117 on January 31, 2013, 09:22:22 PM
Thread of year nominee. I mean just listen to all of you
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 09:23:15 PM
"I guess it isn't too cozy in here after all."

YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: hwangjini_1 on January 31, 2013, 09:25:39 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.

Brilliant advice. I suggest you use it often.  Being happy with your spouse trumps "winning" anytime.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Eja117 on January 31, 2013, 09:26:37 PM
I have to say Chief's statement of bartering is definitely the best
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: CelticConcourse on January 31, 2013, 09:27:29 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: nickagneta on January 31, 2013, 09:35:31 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?
I think we all WANT that but, we kinda like life when the Mrs. likes us.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 09:37:01 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?

Ah, the innocence of the young. I too remember when I was taken by such fanciful whimsy.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Eja117 on January 31, 2013, 09:39:40 PM
All ye rise for the Honorable EJA Divorce Court.   The case of the Kitchen cozy vs entryway desk is underway.

The Plaintiff representing herself is Mrs. Moranis.  Presenting for the defense is Moranis. He has brought Roy Hobbes as his council.

Now I need to get to sleep in about an hour so be seated.

Defendant. Is it true what your wife alleges that you took over a significant section of her kitchen for a period of time so disturbing that your wife was forced to buy an entryway desk?

Is it also true that she discussed said desk with you and you said "Do whatever you want?"

Plaintiff do you realize that your husband has no ability whatsoever to read your mind and never had said ability and never will?

Defendant. Is it true that you had a cozy so hideous that you refuse to even post pics of it in a Celtics sports blog? Is it further true that you refuse to use the drawers of said desk, and actually put said hideous cozy where people can actually see it from the door?

I find you guilty of taking over your wife's kitchen, not listening to your wife's serious concerns, and displaying a hideous cozy in public.

I sentence you to justice. Just as seeing your cozy no doubt had to twist your wife's stomach to pieces now you get to feel that way while watching her date a pro athlete for about a year, possibly Big Baby Davis.  After this you will undergo a probationary period during which you will agree to any furniture purchase and use it for the intended purpose. Further your cozy will be executed.

The plaintiff and defendant may agree to an outside settlement involving bartering. If I were you I'd start with chocolate and alcohol. Maybe watch an interior decorating show. Hire a consultant.

Court dismissed.

 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Eja117 on January 31, 2013, 09:42:55 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?
An equal in interior decorating? HA! Moranis is completely fudged. He took over a kitchen then moved a cozy to a major entryway.  His wife didn't move a hundred tampon boxes into his mancave for storage, did she? She didn't replace his team mugs with cat mugs, did she? He's screwed. Totally and completely.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Surferdad on January 31, 2013, 09:46:54 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.
Yup.  I didn't read the whole thread because I got to the 2nd reply and saw the right answer.

To the OP, you cannot win this one. How long you married?  Get used to it.

Perhaps there is some other place for your pocket stuff besides using valuable kitchen counter space or prominently displayed in the hall.  Bedroom maybe?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: nickagneta on January 31, 2013, 09:53:37 PM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.
Yup.  I didn't read the whole thread because I got to the 2nd reply and saw the right answer.

To the OP, you cannot win this one. How long you married?  Get used to it.

Perhaps there is some other place for your pocket stuff besides using valuable kitchen counter space or prominently displayed in the hall.  Bedroom maybe?
Top drawer of nightstand on my side of the bed is when I put my ssssss.....stuff.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 09:55:49 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?
An equal in interior decorating? HA! Moranis is completely fudged. He took over a kitchen then moved a cozy to a major entryway.  His wife didn't move a hundred tampon boxes into his mancave for storage, did she? She didn't replace his team mugs with cat mugs, did she? He's screwed. Totally and completely.

My little brother is moving into a new apartment and for the first time he will be sharing it with his longtime girlfriend. He is worried that he won't have any space for himself and wants the guest bedroom as his 'mancave'. My advice to him: "When she says, 'where is my space?', you say, 'everything else is yours. Literally the entire thing. Do whatever you want with it, I won't fight you. Just let me have my one room to watch sports and play video games in."

Cuz in the end, that's all you get. If you're lucky.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: nickagneta on January 31, 2013, 09:59:29 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?
An equal in interior decorating? HA! Moranis is completely fudged. He took over a kitchen then moved a cozy to a major entryway.  His wife didn't move a hundred tampon boxes into his mancave for storage, did she? She didn't replace his team mugs with cat mugs, did she? He's screwed. Totally and completely.

My little brother is moving into a new apartment and for the first time he will be sharing it with his longtime girlfriend. He is worried that he won't have any space for himself and wants the guest bedroom as his 'mancave'. My advice to him: "When she says, 'where is my space?', you say, 'everything else is yours. Literally the entire thing. Do whatever you want with it, I won't fight you. Just let me have my one room to watch sports and play video games in."

Cuz in the end, that's all you get. If you're lucky.
That and the garage. You always get the garage. Its like women are allergic to them.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: fairweatherfan on January 31, 2013, 10:00:51 PM
I think it's becoming obvious that we desperately need a CB chapter of NO MA'AM.

(http://www.bundyology.com/nomaam2.jpg)

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: indeedproceed on January 31, 2013, 10:07:50 PM
I think it's becoming obvious that we desperately need a CB chapter of NO MA'AM.

(http://www.bundyology.com/nomaam2.jpg)

Made me think of this:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwBIC8JTQMMQ
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: sofutomygaha on January 31, 2013, 10:28:14 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?

I don't think most marriages are as easy as your marriage to Jeff Green.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: CelticConcourse on January 31, 2013, 10:30:05 PM
You,guys all want this man to give in,
Why can't it be the woman?
He should be an equal.
And do what he wants too, right?

I don't think most marriages are as easy as your marriage to Jeff Green.

I do not have a marriage with Jeff Green.
Notice how if I were, we'd be on equal terms.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: action781 on January 31, 2013, 10:33:06 PM
Thread of year nominee. I mean just listen to all of you
Without a doubt.  eja, your post surely helped a lot too.  I've wanted to respond to at least 5 posts so far.  I gave out my max allowable TPs by page 3 and I wouldn't say I normally give them out loosely.  fwf, IP, roy, and others also had some great contributions.


The real question here is who has an argument with their wife about drawers and thinks to themselves "Boy I better see what Celticsblog thinks about this".
smokeeye, welcome to the community at celticsblog.  There are a lot of awesome people that belong here.  After I discuss them with my closeest friends, this is the place I'm coming to with any personal advice I'm looking for.  I enjoy and trust these people.  No matter how obtuse their basketball opinions are.  Even BBallTim ;)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on February 01, 2013, 08:24:14 AM
So I come home from work last night and the cozy is gone.  Not in the entryway nor in the kitchen.  She moved it into the dining room under the thermostat on this island thing we had in there.  I never go in that room and it is totally out of the way on my way into the house.  I just put my stuff on top of the new dresser thing in the entryway. 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on February 01, 2013, 08:28:29 AM
So I come home from work last night and the cozy is gone.  Not in the entryway nor in the kitchen.  She moved it into the dining room under the thermostat on this island thing we had in there.  I never go in that room and it is totally out of the way on my way into the house.  I just put my stuff on top of the new dresser thing in the entryway.

(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24425481.jpg)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: SHAQATTACK on February 01, 2013, 08:53:01 AM
Daddy told me

Two rules to live by

What hers is hers, what yours is hers. And  golden rule of marriage go...

Momma an't happy......den nobody happy
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Jeff on February 01, 2013, 09:06:41 AM
<checks calendar>

is it the offseason already?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: dark_lord on February 01, 2013, 09:24:56 AM
(http://gifsoup.com/imager.php?id=2837510&t=o) (http://gifsoup.com/view/2837510/michael-jackson-eating-popcorn.html) GIFSoup (http://gifsoup.com/)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: celticsleyte on February 01, 2013, 09:25:36 AM
did you say the wife or the warden?  ;)

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: pearljammer10 on February 01, 2013, 09:45:37 AM
Use the drawers but only for the few things that'd you be putting on top. Dont let the drawer fill up with uneeded and unecessary stuff, thats when things start getting scratched broken etc...

If you leave your wallet and keys in there you shouldnt have a problem adjusting.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: dark_lord on February 01, 2013, 09:47:06 AM
can we get mrs moranis to post her side of whats going on?  :)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chief on February 01, 2013, 09:52:36 AM
I have to say Chief's statement of bartering is definitely the best

TP!!! :)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Celtic on February 01, 2013, 10:09:50 AM
Use the drawers. No one wants to see your stuff. Leaving things on top of surfaces just makes your house look sloppy, she's looking out for your best interest.

I'm a little biased because this is the type of stuff that drives me nuts too, but just trust me she'll be happy with the decision should you make it.

Honestly, look at it this way, if you give in what are you really giving up? Wow you're moving your keys and phone etc. a couple of feet into a drawer, not a big deal, just do it. Then next time there's something you want to do/change she'll remember you giving in on this issue, and chances are she'll be more than reasonable. Women like to know you're willing to cooperate with them and small sacrifices like this go a long way.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Chris on February 01, 2013, 10:10:33 AM
did you say the wife or the warden?  ;)

What's the difference?

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on February 01, 2013, 10:13:30 AM
Then next time there's something you want to do/change she'll remember you giving in on this issue, and chances are she'll be more than reasonable.

This hasn't been my experience. ;)

=====================================

As for Moranis' situation, this is something that he feels strongly about.  It's an engrained habit that really isn't hurting anybody.  If the cozy is small and unobtrusive, I think his wife looks at least as unreasonable as he does.

My wife and I have fights over stupid stuff frequently.  I give in a lot, but I hold firm a lot, too.  I think that if you give in all the time, you end up creating an expectation that you'll always be bull-dozed.  Over time, that type of stuff leads to resentment, which unfortunately leads to all kinds of other problems in a marriage.

Marriage needs to be about give-and-take.  It sounds like Moranis and Mrs. Moranis have a pretty good system worked out, since they rarely fight.  However, if this is the line in the sand for both of them, I don't think the man needs to automatically give in.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Green Pride on February 01, 2013, 10:26:20 AM
I think there are two parts to this equation: organizational and emotional.

Organizationally, I'd suggest a nice basket -- we have a wicker one for keys, wallet, and phone, and it both looks nice and makes it so we can find our stuff. We also have much larger such baskets for mail, which allows you to just dump it without sorting it every day, and then after a while you go through it and keep what you want and throw out what you don't. Baskets are a nice compromise -- they organize stuff, look nice, but don't force you to open and close drawers every time you want something.

Interpersonally, try just being a little nicer. Bring her a glass of water when she didn't ask for it, make a lunch for her every once in a while when she's rushed in the morning, just do things that show you care about her. It's indirect, but I slowly learned that the key to women (at least my woman) is to show her that you are thinking about and care about her, rather than actually trying to rationally bargain/compromise over whatever the actual issue is. If you have the right feeling between you, you can always find a way to make it work, if you don't, you can endlessly fight over small things.

Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Celtic on February 01, 2013, 10:26:21 AM
Then next time there's something you want to do/change she'll remember you giving in on this issue, and chances are she'll be more than reasonable.

This hasn't been my experience. ;)

=====================================

As for Moranis' situation, this is something that he feels strongly about.  It's an engrained habit that really isn't hurting anybody.  If the cozy is small and unobtrusive, I think his wife looks at least as unreasonable as he does.

My wife and I have fights over stupid stuff frequently.  I give in a lot, but I hold firm a lot, too.  I think that if you give in all the time, you end up creating an expectation that you'll always be bull-dozed.  Over time, that type of stuff leads to resentment, which unfortunately leads to all kinds of other problems in a marriage.

Marriage needs to be about give-and-take.  It sounds like Moranis and Mrs. Moranis have a pretty good system worked out, since they rarely fight.  However, if this is the line in the sand for both of them, I don't think the man needs to automatically give in.

True, I guess my thinking is it's just not that important, don't sweat the small stuff. In the end you're really not giving in much. To me these are the type of things that if your spouse says really bother them, should be automatic give-ins. When my wife says something really bothers her, I take that seriously and try my best, I don't want to cohabitate with  someone who is bothered by something I am doing, and she does the same. Now, I'm not saying we are both successful at doing this all of the time, everyone makes mistakes. But simply moving something a few feet into a drawer isn't going to impact your life.

Moranis probably should have spent more time finding out why she wanted to buy the table in the first place, then there never would have been a problem.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: celticmaestro on February 01, 2013, 10:36:27 AM
Anyone else have flashbacks to Jsaad's classic thread?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on February 01, 2013, 10:36:36 AM
Then next time there's something you want to do/change she'll remember you giving in on this issue, and chances are she'll be more than reasonable.

This hasn't been my experience. ;)

=====================================

As for Moranis' situation, this is something that he feels strongly about.  It's an engrained habit that really isn't hurting anybody.  If the cozy is small and unobtrusive, I think his wife looks at least as unreasonable as he does.

My wife and I have fights over stupid stuff frequently.  I give in a lot, but I hold firm a lot, too.  I think that if you give in all the time, you end up creating an expectation that you'll always be bull-dozed.  Over time, that type of stuff leads to resentment, which unfortunately leads to all kinds of other problems in a marriage.

Marriage needs to be about give-and-take.  It sounds like Moranis and Mrs. Moranis have a pretty good system worked out, since they rarely fight.  However, if this is the line in the sand for both of them, I don't think the man needs to automatically give in.

True, I guess my thinking is it's just not that important, don't sweat the small stuff. In the end you're really not giving in much. To me these are the type of things that if your spouse says really bother them, should be automatic give-ins. When my wife says something really bothers her, I take that seriously and try my best, I don't want to cohabitate with  someone who is bothered by something I am doing, and she does the same. Now, I'm not saying we are both successful at doing this all of the time, everyone makes mistakes. But simply moving something a few feet into a drawer isn't going to impact your life.

Moranis probably should have spent more time finding out why she wanted to buy the table in the first place, then there never would have been a problem.
She told me she wanted to buy the table to move the stuff out of the kitchen so she could have her counter.  Seemed reasonable enough to me, so I moved my stuff from the kitchen to the table.  I just didn't use the table in the manner she wanted me to.  I mean I changed, I just didn't change enough, and frankly I hate drawers.  Drawers are a pain in the butt.  Things move around, they get lost, they get damaged. They aren't good. 

She doesn't want things on top, because you can see it from the door which makes it a security risk (she acts like we live in the ghetto).  So a basket won't solve that problem, as it would still be visible from the door.  I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Celtic on February 01, 2013, 10:44:49 AM
Then next time there's something you want to do/change she'll remember you giving in on this issue, and chances are she'll be more than reasonable.

This hasn't been my experience. ;)

=====================================

As for Moranis' situation, this is something that he feels strongly about.  It's an engrained habit that really isn't hurting anybody.  If the cozy is small and unobtrusive, I think his wife looks at least as unreasonable as he does.

My wife and I have fights over stupid stuff frequently.  I give in a lot, but I hold firm a lot, too.  I think that if you give in all the time, you end up creating an expectation that you'll always be bull-dozed.  Over time, that type of stuff leads to resentment, which unfortunately leads to all kinds of other problems in a marriage.

Marriage needs to be about give-and-take.  It sounds like Moranis and Mrs. Moranis have a pretty good system worked out, since they rarely fight.  However, if this is the line in the sand for both of them, I don't think the man needs to automatically give in.

True, I guess my thinking is it's just not that important, don't sweat the small stuff. In the end you're really not giving in much. To me these are the type of things that if your spouse says really bother them, should be automatic give-ins. When my wife says something really bothers her, I take that seriously and try my best, I don't want to cohabitate with  someone who is bothered by something I am doing, and she does the same. Now, I'm not saying we are both successful at doing this all of the time, everyone makes mistakes. But simply moving something a few feet into a drawer isn't going to impact your life.

Moranis probably should have spent more time finding out why she wanted to buy the table in the first place, then there never would have been a problem.
She told me she wanted to buy the table to move the stuff out of the kitchen so she could have her counter.  Seemed reasonable enough to me, so I moved my stuff from the kitchen to the table.  I just didn't use the table in the manner she wanted me to.  I mean I changed, I just didn't change enough, and frankly I hate drawers.  Drawers are a pain in the butt.  Things move around, they get lost, they get damaged. They aren't good. 

She doesn't want things on top, because you can see it from the door which makes it a security risk (she acts like we live in the ghetto).  So a basket won't solve that problem, as it would still be visible from the door.  I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.

If it's primarily a security issue and not one of "neatness" then there really is no issue. No one is going to break into a home for a wallet and a phone. A breaking and entering charge is not worth a couple hundred bucks... unless the wrong crackhead hears this conversation.

(http://strawberryblunt.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/crackhead1.gif)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Roy H. on February 01, 2013, 10:52:29 AM
I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.

Sounds reasonable.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: dark_lord on February 01, 2013, 11:02:57 AM
Anyone else have flashbacks to Jsaad's classic thread?

YES!  best thread ever :)
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Eja117 on February 01, 2013, 09:38:37 PM
Hey you know those things that have like tons of time cards in them and then people pull out their time card and punch into a clock? Could you get and hang a nice wooden one of those? 

Also I accuse Moranis of making up a "cozy". When I google or yahoo "cozy" or "cozy organizer" I get nothing. I don't think he bought this thing marketed as a "cozy". Is this thing knitted?  What on Earth did you do Moranis?  Moranis just admit you got a weird thing that was probably hideous or impractical.

Still thread of year. I mean just look at us.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: FatKidsDad on February 04, 2013, 11:01:02 AM
I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.

Sounds reasonable.

Just back from vacation and I’ve been dying to get in on this since I read it.

Roy is right…to a point.

Yes, it sounds reasonable but, unfortunately, reason doesn’t enter in to it.

This is far from over.

She may seem ok with it now, but this is eating away at her every time she walks by and sees your stuff offending her sense of order. 

You just have to learn this important fact about women…
THOSE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT FROM US!

Once you accept that, you can understand what is REALLY going on and change your approach accordingly.

Start by listening for and deciphering the code.

Case in point…when she told you she wanted her kitchen back that is not what she meant.  What she wanted was for you to get your crap out of her sight.  When she says she has a security concern, it is not what she means.  She still wants your crap out of her sight. Even though the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that no one will break in and steal your cell phone, she will not be happy.

This will resurface and become even a bigger issue because you were not tuned in to what she wanted (and to some extent needed).

Other examples…have you ever been asked “Do you want to (whatever)? If you say “No thanks” you’ll soon realize it’s not really a question.  She is really saying “I want you to (whatever)”

How about “Here’s the remote.  Watch whatever you want”  The unspoken part is “as long as it is something I want too.”

The good news is that you can still recover from this, although you will forever have lost points for not getting it right the first time.

As I see it, you have two choices:

   a.Replace the desk with a roll-top desk.  Keep the top closed to hide the mess. This is not the best choice because it involves getting rid of the desk she picked out and probably likes, and hoping you can find a roll-top she likes, or

   b.Keeping the desk you know she likes.  Buy some drawer organizers like these:

   http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=126990

   Go to a fabric store and buy some felt and fabric glue to line them with.

   Install a power strip under or on the back of the desk where it doesn’t show.

   Drill a hole in the back of the drawer to run the wire for your charger.

You both get what you need/want but more importantly and she will appreciate the fact that you understand  her.

A relationship involves give-and-take.  Often that means you give and she takes, but sometimes you’re dealing with something that really matters to her  but doesn’t so much matter to you.  When that happens, there is no point in looking for the logic in why it matters so much. Just accept that it does, and give it up. The more you do this, the more you will be on the receiving end of that understanding when it matters more to you.  When you both have a strong need/want, look for a solution that works for both of you so neither one feels slighted.  There will be very few occasions when neither one will be happy giving in and you can’t find a good compromise. That’s when all the good will in the bank, which hasn’t been wasted on little stuff like this, gets you through.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Moranis on February 04, 2013, 11:19:25 AM
I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.

Sounds reasonable.

Just back from vacation and I’ve been dying to get in on this since I read it.

Roy is right…to a point.

Yes, it sounds reasonable but, unfortunately, reason doesn’t enter in to it.

This is far from over.

She may seem ok with it now, but this is eating away at her every time she walks by and sees your stuff offending her sense of order. 

You just have to learn this important fact about women…
THOSE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT FROM US!

Once you accept that, you can understand what is REALLY going on and change your approach accordingly.

Start by listening for and deciphering the code.

Case in point…when she told you she wanted her kitchen back that is not what she meant.  What she wanted was for you to get your crap out of her sight.  When she says she has a security concern, it is not what she means.  She still wants your crap out of her sight. Even though the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that no one will break in and steal your cell phone, she will not be happy.

This will resurface and become even a bigger issue because you were not tuned in to what she wanted (and to some extent needed).

Other examples…have you ever been asked “Do you want to (whatever)? If you say “No thanks” you’ll soon realize it’s not really a question.  She is really saying “I want you to (whatever)”

How about “Here’s the remote.  Watch whatever you want”  The unspoken part is “as long as it is something I want too.”

The good news is that you can still recover from this, although you will forever have lost points for not getting it right the first time.

As I see it, you have two choices:

   a.Replace the desk with a roll-top desk.  Keep the top closed to hide the mess. This is not the best choice because it involves getting rid of the desk she picked out and probably likes, and hoping you can find a roll-top she likes, or

   b.Keeping the desk you know she likes.  Buy some drawer organizers like these:

   http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=126990

   Go to a fabric store and buy some felt and fabric glue to line them with.

   Install a power strip under or on the back of the desk where it doesn’t show.

   Drill a hole in the back of the drawer to run the wire for your charger.

You both get what you need/want but more importantly and she will appreciate the fact that you understand  her.

A relationship involves give-and-take.  Often that means you give and she takes, but sometimes you’re dealing with something that really matters to her  but doesn’t so much matter to you.  When that happens, there is no point in looking for the logic in why it matters so much. Just accept that it does, and give it up. The more you do this, the more you will be on the receiving end of that understanding when it matters more to you.  When you both have a strong need/want, look for a solution that works for both of you so neither one feels slighted.  There will be very few occasions when neither one will be happy giving in and you can’t find a good compromise. That’s when all the good will in the bank, which hasn’t been wasted on little stuff like this, gets you through.
you clearly have a different relationship with women than I do with my wife.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: BudweiserCeltic on February 04, 2013, 11:28:42 AM
Blow it up, and make a trade?


Edit: Sorry wrong thread... or is it?
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Neurotic Guy on February 04, 2013, 11:29:07 AM
My advice?  Do what your wife wants, and move on.  You have to pick your battles, and this seems like the wrong kind of battle to take any kind of stand on.

I admit I didn't read the 7 pages, but this first response is the one I agree with. 

In a marginally successful 24 year marriage, I find my greatest success when I do things the way she wants them done.  This isn't meant as a put-down to my wife, but a recognition that she has deeper reasons than I do about why things are done a certain way around the house.  This is not a man-woman thing, but rather respect for her organizational skills, and perhaps some acknowledgement that the stress it causes her by me not doing it her way is greater than the stress it causes me doing it her way.

That said, I may not be the ideal person to take marital advice from.  A 24-year respectful, responsible parent partnership with no infidelity or big blow-ups -- but as I allude to, generally lacking. 
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: guava_wrench on February 04, 2013, 11:30:04 AM
Keep in mind, women are different from one another. There are certain behaviors that are more or less common in women (or men), but any individual woman is still an individual. Thus, the many perspectives here from men in relationships with different women.

One thing that makes such situations tricky is that women are generally more about subtext while men usually focus on the straightforward in negotiations like that.

It seems to me from you description that this is something peculiar to her that annoys her. I have those, but I am pretty self aware and come to my senses when discussing them with my wife.

The clear solution is carry a purse.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: Greenbean on February 04, 2013, 12:15:10 PM
I have only been married for 4 months but I take the same approach to solving any problem.

1. Find out what the root cause of the problem is
2. Brainstorm solutions
3. Cooperatively pick a sloution that all parties can agree on.

Basically it is important never to work on assumptions when working through these issues. Every person thinks differently.
Title: Re: Advice for dealing with wife
Post by: mgent on February 04, 2013, 03:01:59 PM
I think she ultimately gave in, because she said something along the lines of the first time someone breaks in and takes your stuff, I'm calling a security company and getting the most expensive high end security system and you will never hear the end of it.  She seemingly dropped the issue after that.

Sounds reasonable.

Just back from vacation and I’ve been dying to get in on this since I read it.

Roy is right…to a point.

Yes, it sounds reasonable but, unfortunately, reason doesn’t enter in to it.

This is far from over.

She may seem ok with it now, but this is eating away at her every time she walks by and sees your stuff offending her sense of order. 

You just have to learn this important fact about women…
THOSE PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT FROM US!

Once you accept that, you can understand what is REALLY going on and change your approach accordingly.

Start by listening for and deciphering the code.

Case in point…when she told you she wanted her kitchen back that is not what she meant.  What she wanted was for you to get your crap out of her sight.  When she says she has a security concern, it is not what she means.  She still wants your crap out of her sight. Even though the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that no one will break in and steal your cell phone, she will not be happy.

This will resurface and become even a bigger issue because you were not tuned in to what she wanted (and to some extent needed).

Other examples…have you ever been asked “Do you want to (whatever)? If you say “No thanks” you’ll soon realize it’s not really a question.  She is really saying “I want you to (whatever)”

How about “Here’s the remote.  Watch whatever you want”  The unspoken part is “as long as it is something I want too.”

The good news is that you can still recover from this, although you will forever have lost points for not getting it right the first time.

As I see it, you have two choices:

   a.Replace the desk with a roll-top desk.  Keep the top closed to hide the mess. This is not the best choice because it involves getting rid of the desk she picked out and probably likes, and hoping you can find a roll-top she likes, or

   b.Keeping the desk you know she likes.  Buy some drawer organizers like these:

   http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=126990

   Go to a fabric store and buy some felt and fabric glue to line them with.

   Install a power strip under or on the back of the desk where it doesn’t show.

   Drill a hole in the back of the drawer to run the wire for your charger.

You both get what you need/want but more importantly and she will appreciate the fact that you understand  her.

A relationship involves give-and-take.  Often that means you give and she takes, but sometimes you’re dealing with something that really matters to her  but doesn’t so much matter to you.  When that happens, there is no point in looking for the logic in why it matters so much. Just accept that it does, and give it up. The more you do this, the more you will be on the receiving end of that understanding when it matters more to you.  When you both have a strong need/want, look for a solution that works for both of you so neither one feels slighted.  There will be very few occasions when neither one will be happy giving in and you can’t find a good compromise. That’s when all the good will in the bank, which hasn’t been wasted on little stuff like this, gets you through.
you clearly have a different relationship with women than I do with my wife.
You clearly have a great relationship if this is the first type of argument you've had like this.  I'm not sure how fortunate that is though because if you can't or don't know how to handle something basic like this, I pray you never have to deal with a serious difference of opinion.

Everyone in this thread is correct, it's about give and take.  Don't be a wuss and give into everything, if you feel strongly about something stick to your guns, otherwise you're setting up a dangerous precedent.  And Roy H. is right, if you don't that's the type of stuff that leads to resentment, just as it could lead to her resenting you every time she walks into the house if you leave it like this without any acceptance or closure.

Now this seems to be one of those things that is important to you, so I'd stay away from the advice about giving in.  I'm not sure if you just don't like opening a drawer multiple times a day (I probably wouldn't) but if the true reason for your reluctance is damage there's been multiple suggestions that would eliminate that AND make your wife happy.  Those are the ideal solutions.

If you can't work out a win-win, the only other successful way is compromise (the basis of marriage because most disputes are not this easy to make both of you happy).  That way at least she thinks she's winning.  Find a difference of opinion that is less important to you and GIVE her what she wants in exchange for TAKING the win in this one.

I'll tell you one thing though, if something is still on a woman's mind the next day, it's definitely important enough to her.  Don't assume it's more important to you, no matter how petty she's being.  Even though it looks like you've squeezed out a victory here, us men will never know what goes on in those pretty heads.

Don't sell FatKidsDad's comments short, everything he said is 100% spot on.