Why are some words ok and others are not?

[biggs]

Ok,  I was reading this one earlier today and couldn't comment due to technical difficulties, but.....

I used to feel exactly like the OP and would never say this particular phrase period due to the implications upon others.  However, after years of censorship, one of my best friends in the world and one of the most morally and ethically sound people I have ever known personally (who had a mentally challenged, physically handicapped sister, R.I.P as of last year BTW) got me used to the phrase, because he used it regularly on a daily basis and there wasn't such a derogatory connotation to it. It was more of a general term.  To him it simply meant "expletive" just like the FU word can be used in many contexts.

Now this does not make it right, nor does giving an abnormal meaning to a normally offensive term make it right (calling your non-gay friend gay, no reason etc.), but using that term within your own culture may become acceptable for one reason or another, and we have to accept that instead of judging from afar with no experience with the people that you feel have been so oppressed.

Even though I felt that it was politically incorrect, I accepted it because of his influence on me and his culture rubbing off on me.

Now personally I still struggled with the concept, tried not to say it, but now I say it all the time and can't help it.  And honestly I still feel bad or correct myself in the process, but truth be known, it's a part of my regular day life now and it once was not.

I guess what my point is, is that we are all influenced by our surroundings and our culture, so whatever is cool in your company is cool in general regardless of your beliefs as long as no one gets hurt in the process.  If we we're all good enough friends to talk crap about one another, nobody would be up in arms about liberal rights. 

My advice is to get to know that person you see in a wheelchair, or mentally challenged adult, and once you're comfortable enough with them, you can ask them if it's offensive to them.  Otherwise you have no idea how they feel about it.

PS- Edgar- No disrespect to OP, but We need basketball!

[ACF]

Lakers should be ******, as well ;-)

[Rondo2287]

Basically I want to thank everybody that participated here for passing along their thoughts because my ultimate goal here was to get people thinking.  So thank you.

At the same time, I would like you all to consider this.  Whether you like it or not your words do have power over people.  Even here when none of us are face to face their are still plenty of times where things that one poster says gets another poster upset.  So while some say people need to thicken their skin, which I do find legitimate, I think that in this situation it may not help.  As pretty much everybody here has said, you wouldnt use the term retard when reffering to somebody with a mental handicap, which means if somebody that would genuinely get upset when they hear you say it would completely have their guard down and probably not be expecting it.  And trust me, that is when it hurts the most.   

[dark_lord]

if someone is describing the new film gi joe as being retarded, bc it was stupid and lame, it is alot different than using it to describe a person (whether they have an intellictual disability or not).  i think if the word retarded offends you no matter the situation or context and u hear it, you can always say to the person respectfully...."please don't use that word around me."  if they disregard you, then it turns into them being ignorant and disrespectful and u have every right to be upset.  however, i think if u ask they dont use the word and they reply by aplogizing, its all good you should move on from it and not get upset, as they just might be unaware of how that word impacts others, or they use the word out of habit.  either way, by respectfully bringing it to their attention may impact whether they use the word in the future.

[Rondo2287]

Agreed, I think that goes for most things in life DL

[Roy Hobbs]

I know on Celticsblog, we ask people not to use the word.  When you have multiple options, it's usually best to use the least offensive one, at least on an internet forum.

[Chris]

i think if the word retarded offends you no matter the situation or context and u hear it, you can always say to the person respectfully...."please don't use that word around me."  if they disregard you, then it turns into them being ignorant and disrespectful and u have every right to be upset.  however, i think if u ask they dont use the word and they reply by aplogizing, its all good you should move on from it and not get upset, as they just might be unaware of how that word impacts others, or they use the word out of habit.  either way, by respectfully bringing it to their attention may impact whether they use the word in the future.

This is a great point.  I work at a place where our staff need to interact with many different people of all different walks of life.  One of the first things I teach the staff is that while they have the right to feel comfortable in their work environment, and the subjects do not have the right to make them feel uncomfortable...if they do not tell them they are doing something wrong, they may have no idea.  I can think of many instances where we had subjects who would use offensive words, simply because it is how they are used to talking to their friends, etc., and when they were told that using word X was offensive to some people on the staff, they were always immediately apologetic. 

[DivingCowens]

This question has never been better than in the following clip from 30 years ago.  One answer is given by the speaker in the video, another answer was given by the US Supreme Court when this same monologue was broadcast on a radio station.

Warning, explicit content

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Nrp7cj_tM

[BudweiserCeltic]

I myself see politeness and rudeness both being problematic. It's really a two way street, and the key to everything is listening for undertanding. Polite people can often get offended easily for the silliest of things, or for insignificant things in the scheme of things which can propagate friction (which has been a complaint of mine here in CB for example) and at times cause elitist behavior. Rude people, well there's no need to explain that.

Overall, one has to consider the position of the other and figure out the intentions... was it to cause harm? Was it simply to have some fun?

And it's not that being polite is bad, but an atmosphere where politeness is really the only acceptable behavior, it can really cause some strains and overblow the smallest of "infractions"... people get more easily offended.

This doesn't mean you tolerate rudeness, but there has to be a higher tolerance overall, and again, the key is listening for understanding (hard to do with the written word).

Of course, the workplace and how you treat customers, etc. is an entirely different thing for the most part.